Who put the "Posh" in Heavy Metal?

Who put the "Posh" in Heavy Metal?

Well, oneself and Ainsley Rubert Haversham III have just returned from a most delightful hiatus in Southern France where we toured the vineyards and ate sumptuous Bouillabaisse while basking in the glorious springtime sun.

Aye right!

I live in London and have to brace the rain and eat 50p noodles because all my bleedin wages go on renting a shoebox. 

And I remember when noodles cost 18p. Scandalous.

So? Who put the Posh in Heavy Metal?

This man!

Mr Brucie, Bruce Dickinson

The man, the legend that is Bruce Dickinson. 

Posh boy come Heavy Metal Vocalist extrordiner. 

I love Iron Maiden and I love Bruce Dickinson. Hes a great entertainer.

What stage presence this guy has, opposed to all the self loving singers who just stand behind a mic and expect to be adored. 

Entertain me twat. 

The bubbles in my warm pint are more fucking interesting than you. 

So, Brucie McBrucester, as I like to call him, is a boarding school lad (poor guy, bet he never got to experience the joy that was State school free warm milk?), trained fencer, Jumbo jet pilot as well as being the vocalist of one of the best Heavy Metal bands to ever grace this earth. 

What a guy. 

Here's one of my favorite Iron Maiden videos. 

It even has posh school kids in it painting an old ruined Abbey in England. Class!

So what do Posh Englishmen drink?

Apart from their OWN GOD DAMN BREWED BEER? 

Well, Pimms of course.

Now I love a bit of sunny weather Pimms Punch in the park as much as the next person but I have to hide it in A Buckfast bottle so as not to let my fellow Scottish country men down. 

Need to keep up appearances like!

(I'm only kidding. I hide it in my boot).

So I've devised a little sunny weather Pimms ice lolly recipe that you can take to the Park for your posh picnics. 

Enjoy, I'll be the one in the park drinking from my boot and peeing in the bushes, like every true Glaswegian should. 

Pimms Ice Lollies

 

 

You will need ice lolly moulds, obviously. 

ml Pimms

ml lemonade

Strawberries

1 orange

small portion cucumber

Small handful fresh mint

Slice the strawberries, cucumber and orange and rip up the mint. Divide between the lolly moulds.

Divide the Pimms and Lemonade between the moulds, give it a wee stir then put the sticks on and freeze overnight ready to take to the park. 

Seriously, what the fuck? 

Heavy Metal Fairies

G'day Mates. 
That's how they say hello in Australia by the way. 

Today's recipe is in honour of my pal Amanda, who hails from the Great Outback, so great in fact that she now lives in London. 

The recipe is for Fairy Bread.

Right, so Fairy Bread is basically just white bread with butter and sugar sprinkles on top. 
I know, weird eh?
Amanda swears that it gets served at every Australian kids party.
I'm still not sure if she is pulling my leg? 
Though, coming from the land of the Mythical deep fried Mars bar, I suppose I can't really judge. 


Here's a video for a great Ozzie band called Frankenbok.
They have the best name ever. 
Gee those crazy Ozzies. 





Gosh this man is so angry. I bet it's because his parents made him eat Fairy Bread as a kid. "Look ma! I've got Unicorn poop".


The recipe isn't really hard to follow but here you go

Fairy Bread

2 slices white bread
butter or margarine
Hundreds and Thousands (or sugar sprinkles as the rest of the world seems to call them)

Butter your slices of bread, sprinkle over the.......sprinkles. 
Serve, enjoy. Maybe.
I think it's like Marmite. You will either love it or hate it.
I was................ not displeased.

No Love Lost...... For The Humble Chicken Wing.

Hello my wonderful followers (ahem, follower),
I can tell you that I sure have Lost No Love for me ol' favorite snacking food, The Chicken Wing. 
Peanut and Strawberry chicken wings to be precise. 

I bought the Peanut butter from Maltby Street Market check it out, It's flippin amazing
Maltby Street Market

Chicken wings are a dish best eaten on their own, in your pants, with a shame smeared sauce face. 
Seriously, if you want a date to run away fast, eat chicken wings in front of them............... or you could choke on a bit of squid in a nice sushi restaurant, make horrible retching noises and nearly vomit on the table.
That'll certainly do it.  
Well, I've never claimed to be a lady.
It's OK folks, he came back.  Ssssssssh, Don't tell Pepper Keenan.

Speaking of my one true love, Pepper. He was playing with The COC the other night in London but I couldn't get a ticket because I am a pauper. 
So I was walking past the venue and I saw Kirk Windstein, (Google it) started having a mild panic attack, spun around in a frantic circle and contemplated holding Old Kirky hostage till he agreed to get Pepper to come out and Marry me (only kidding Henry..... That totally didn't happen).

Here is a little Ditty from a band called Carcass, see what I did there eh, eh?  Chicken ...Carcass.....Chicken wings.
The puns are never ending with me.
I don't know why I don't have my own TV Cookery show yet?
Oh wait, no. 
It's because I'm a lazy blogger.

Enjoy the video folks, It's one of my all time favorites. 
The riffing is spiffing.  




I nicked the idea for this recipe from a bar in Putney called Lost and Co. Check it out. They do amazing cocktails and really tasty food. 
LOST & CO

It sounds bat shit crazy but it really works, the sweetness from the strawbs cuts through the salty peanut butter and it's a good recipe to make if you are skint as chicken wings are pretty dang cheap.

I'm not gonna lie, I ate a Kilo of them to myself and I was sauce smeared and in my pants but I didn't feel even the slightest bit ashamed.
 It's good when you can lick chicken wing sauce off your own body and there's no one there to judge you. 
Mmmmmmmmmm.

Peanut and Strawberry Chicken Wings  

1 Kg chicken wings jointed

Marinade
280g buttermilk or natural yoghurt
10g fresh grated ginger
50g runny honey
75g peanut butter
60g strawberry jam 

Sauce
70g buttermilk or natural yoghurt 
50g strawberry jam
75g peanut butter
10g hot sauce
60ml water 

Mix the chicken wings well with the marinade ingredients so that the chicken wings are well coated.
Store in the fridge over night. 

Heat your oven to 180 degrees (or equivalent) and place the chicken wings onto a well oiled tray or a tray lined with baking or greaseproof paper.
Cook the wings for about 35 to 45 minutes till crispy on the outside.

Whisk all the sauce ingredients together and toss in the hot chicken wings to coat evenly.

Make sure you have  a LOT of napkins, skin, whatever. 

Enjoy. 

The London List

THE LONDON LIST
Part 1. Street food and bars.

Hello there everyone.

Well, It's been a while hasn't it?

I've had a little hiatus from the blog this year. But fear not. I'm back and in the process of sorting out a spangly new website and new project for a "too skint to eat out in London supper club".

WATCH THIS SPACE!

So I thought I'd start off my new blogs with a little adventure in London.

Show you what I have eaten and drank, and what I thought of them.

I'm definitely well into the street food craze that's been going on in Londinium for a good few years now.

It's brilliant. So many options and you can get a meal for about £4 to £7. Which is great for most of the Londoners like me who can't afford to go eating out. Or eat, in general.

Pretty much everywhere you go in London these days has a street food market going on so if you are coming to visit then check out your local listings.

Time out London is one of the best for checking out what's going on in the city.

Here's a few of my best picks for street food in The Big Smoke.

Camden Locks Market

http://www.camdenlockmarket.com/food-drink/global-kitchen/

Here's what they say:

West Yard at Camden Lock Market hosts our world class street food area The Global Kitchen. Our Global Kitchen hosts the most diverse and exciting array of street food vendors in London selling award winning cuisine from around the world at affordable prices. From Ethiopian curry to kangaroo burgers, pulled pork wraps to mac and cheese. Our handpicked selection of street food is second to none.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

(Pictures and contet taken from Camden Lock website and are not owned by me).

Here's what I say:

Cookies and Scream do amazing vegan and gluten free cakes and bakes. Also an orgasm inducing peanut butter pie and Mexican chilli chocolate affagato

You've also got tons of rotating food stalls from gooey sourdough toasties , don't knock a good toastie these are phenomenal.

Gourmet Mac n, Cheese, traditional fish and chips, amazing BBQ meats, A Jerk station, Louisiana chilli shack ( which has amazing cowboy beans and corn bread waffles).

Russian perogi, Shrimp rolls and Cupcakes and Shhht! which does bakes, and brilliant GIANT cookies.

Check it out. you won't be disappointed.

If you are looking for an all day Metal Experience then Camden is your best bet. 

There's lots of Market stalls and shops selling Alternative clothing, jewellery, New Rocks etc. Tattoo and piercing shops.

Here is where you will find ALL the Metal my friends.

Check out these watering holes.

Now, if you want a proper Heavy Metal experience then head to

 The Devonshire Arms

https://www.facebook.com/thedevnw1

Nothing but Heavy Metal blasting from the speakers, cheap drinks, good friendly atmosphere and suitably attired punters.

I met a priest here, he was drinking triple gin and coke and had yellow eyes.

I don't think he was a real priest.

Also for the ladies, the toilets are well kept and clean. Which is rare for a Metal bar and a deal breaker for me.

Next is the famous

The Worlds End

 http://www.theworldsend.co.uk/

Another good rock bar with cheap drinks.

It's huge inside with a friendly atmosphere.

Again, good toilets for the Ladies.

Me and the Sis had a Pantera sing along in here. It was during the day and we were both still sober. It just has that effect on you.

Beside The Worlds End you have

The Underworld

http://www.theunderworldcamden.co.uk/

This is one of Camden's famous live gig venues and it holds Rock Club nights on Saturdays and Sundays too.

Perfect for shakin yer bootay.

Then there's

The Electric Ballroom

http://electricballroom.co.uk/

Another famous Camden live gig and club night venue.

They have a night that is strictly dedicated to Power Ballads. Frikin Awesome.

I also saw my one true love Pepper Keenen here last year when COC reunited for some gigging.

Sigh........... He's still so pretty.  

Next you want to go to 

The Black Heart

http://www.ourblackheart.com/

I love this bar. Though I can't really choose between this and The Dev.

This is a dark watering hole with interesting décor.

They have loads of fancy pants real ales and spirits here (the smoked Mezcal is amazing but £7 a pop. ooft).

The prices are a bit high here but if you like your craft ales and good tunes then this is the place for you. Just make sure you rob a Granny before you come in.

They also have loads of live gigs upstairs and a rotating kitchen Pop up serving BBQ meaty rolls from Smoke n Roll who also have a stall at Camden Lock Market.

Only downsides.... The toilets are manky (mixed, and bog roll hung on chains. I don't want other people fingering my toilet paper).

Ok, so that's Camden out of the way.

Let me give you the links to another few great food markets worth Checking out.

Borough Market is by far my food Heaven.

http://boroughmarket.org.uk/

Fresh Oysters. yum, yum, yum.

I would say try to go on a Thursday when there aren't as many tourists.

They have everything. EVERYTHING!

Just go, trust me. I've spent whole days here just sipping on cocktails and eating samples.

Fresh oysters, amazing Charcuterie, fresh veg, Bread, cakes, street food stalls, a real ale bar called The Rake. It has it all.

Hands down the best food market in London.

You also have Street Feast,

http://www.streetfeastlondon.com

which has loads of roaming street food markets around London but mostly in Shoredich and Dalston. The street food vendors here are top class and they are great for Hipster watching. Count the man buns.

Then you have Kerb,

http://www.kerbfood.com/

Another street food collective with sites around London.

One more market of note is Broadway Market

http://www.broadwaymarket.co.uk/index.php

They have a stall here called Deeny's which serves Haggis Toasties.

Oh my god they are good.

I had the Macbeth. Sourdough bread with spicy haggis, red onion marmalade and cheddar cheese. Heaven.

You basically can't turn a corner in London without running into some sort of street food market so go on and explore my friends.

OK, so now let's talk about some other worthy places of note for drinking

(there are quite a few "rock" venues in London but this is my pick of the best).

The Crobar 

http://www.crobar.co.uk/

 This is a PROPER Metal bar near Tottenham Court Road.

Metal on the Stereo, good drinks prices, really cool friendly staff and they serve Picklebacks. What's not to love?

If you are going to the Crobar then The Carlisle Arms is just round the corner (kinda)

Another good rock bar with decent prices.

It's teeny tiny though so you probably won't get a seat in busy hours but most of the patrons like to stand outside and drink.

Good place if you like to mingle outside and talk to randoms.

http://www.fancyapint.com/Pub/london/carlisle-arms/1654

Next  up is another one of my favourite bars Slim Jim's.

Picklebacks. Ignore my face. They are awesome. Just ask Nicola. She's smiling.

This is up near Angel and is by far my favourite bar in London.

Rock n roll bar with dedicated rock DJ's, firkin awesome cocktails and good times.

There are hundred's of bras hanging from the ceiling and I have witnessed one very drunk Lady donating hers to the bar. She got a free drink.

As I am a well endowed woman, my underwear sets me back £35 a pop so there is no drink there worth me giving my boulder holder away for.

Not a chance.

http://www.slimjimsliquorstore.com/

 So that's Street food and Bars outta the way.
Next blog will be PLACES INDOORS I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AFFORD TO EAT IN.

Thanks for tuning in. Over and out.



I scream, you scream. We all scream for Pouitne.

Poutine.
No, not the President of Russia. He's a Dick.

Poutine is a Canadian dish originating from Quebec, consisting of potato fries (that's chips to you and me), chicken gravy and cheese curds. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Now I don't know how popular chips and gravy are in the rest of the UK, but in Glasgow it's the ultimate drunk food. Well, that and deep fried pizza. Oh yes you heard me right. 
Don't knock it till you've tried it pal!

Poutine is famous in Canada so it is and it's eventually sneaking it's wee cheesy, gravy head over this side of the pond. 

Hello Poutine. 


Now Who's your favorite Canadian Metal Band?

Rush? Nickleback???? ha ha, NO.

It's gotta be Strapping Young Lad hasn't it?
I want Devin Townsend to be my pal. 
He'd just make me laugh till my belly hurt. 

Here's a Strapping Young Lad video. Probably best not to watch this with a hangover. 
Not that I ever have hangovers being teetotal and all that. 

OOF! That was fun. 

As you know, I like to shake shit up a bit so i'll be changing the recipe a wee bit.
Instead of using normal chips I'm going to use sweet potatoes because I love them.
 And I'll be baking them in the oven instead of frying them to make the recipe slightly more healthy. 

Don't worry though folks..... APPETITE OF DESTRUCTION does not do diet food. It'll still be tastilicious (that's a word). 

I'm also using ready made chicken gravy as I plain just can't be arsed to make it myself today. 
If you are a purest feel free to make your own. 
I'll be having a beer while you do. Oh, no wait. A non alcoholic beer. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... aaaaaaaaah!

Well onwards and upwards. Here's the recipe.
If you eat it while drunk it tastes even better. Apparently. I wouldn't know!

Sweet Potato Poutine
serves 2

2 - 3 large sweet potatoes
200g of cheese curds (If you can't get cheese curds then just substitute it for
500g tub chilled chicken gravy
Olive oil
Quarter teaspoon cracked black pepper
One teaspoon smoked Cajun seasoning
Splash milk
Salt and pepper

Heat your oven to 220 degrees or equivalent.
Cut your sweet potatoes into thick chips. Leave the skin on, it makes them smokey and tasty.
Put into a big bowl and add the Cajun spice, a big pinch of salt and pepper and a big glug of olive oil and mix until all the sweet potato chips are coated.

Place into the oven and roast for about 25 to 30 minutes so that the potato is crispy and golden on the outside and soft on the inside. 

Armadillooooooooo!

Just before the potatoes are ready heat your gravy in a saucepan on medium heat until it is hot and bubbling lightly. 
Add the pepper and milk and give it a quick whisk. Take off the heat.

Place your sweet potato chips onto two plates then top with  the cheese curds and then pour over the gravy.

If you don't mumble "Oh dear God" when your mouth is full there's something wrong with you.

Enjoy.

DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

Do do doooooo, dee dooo, dee do, doooo, dooooooo. 
Do, do, do, dee doooo dee doooooo. 

Ooh, they must have been cold. 

I was made for lovin you baby, you were made for lovin meeeeee.....

Now, I had only been born for 17 days when this album was released so I didn't get the disappointment of seeing Kiss go "Disco". 

In my opinion it was a brave, tongue in cheek move. 
Kiss proved that they can do "Disco" better than.... well... DISCO!

I also think that Metal bands come up with the best covers. But we shall leave that for another blog eh?????????? 
Oh, how exciting. 

(In fact, off tangent....... 
If you have managed to read the blog this far down and aren't bored yet, then send your "Best Metal cover" suggestions to my Facebook page and we can start up a wee playlist. Link to Facebook is at top of this blog, well the last time I checked it was). 

Here is the great band at work. 



You are probably wondering why i'm going on about Disco Kiss?

Well, if you go to a chippy or takeaway in Glasgow (and I think round most of the UK) you can buy a specialty called 
"Disco Fries".

I'm not sure if they call it this because you usually order it when you come out of a "disco" slightly worse for wear and in need of sustenance?

Basically it is chips with gravy and cheese, much like it's posher Canadian cousin the "Poutine", which has cheese curds instead of normal grated cheddar.

Baulk and also NOT my photo

So we have Disco fries in honor of Disco Kiss.
I've switched the recipe up a wee bit though for my sophisticated pallet.....

I'm using a blue cheese sauce instead of grated cheese as I love the tang you get from blue cheese. 

Yep, never snog me after disco fries........ 
Not that I'm insinuating that you all want to snog me. But the offer is there anyway. 

OK, so the Black Spiders bit is about another band who I think are brilliant. 

Saw them live in Wolverhampton when I went to see Danzig and they have a song called " Kiss Tried to Kill Me" which you should definitely check out below.

Righty 'O, so we should get on with the recipe eh?

DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

feeds 2

This recipe is really easy and requires no effort at all. 
Most of the products you can buy ready made. 
I know this is a cooking blog but hey, sometimes you just want an easy life. 
And I wouldn't suggest cooking while drunk. Unless you want to burn your house down??????

Half bag Frozen oven or fryer chips. Or a whole bag if you are really hungry???
400g tub ready made rich gravy (you can make your own gravy from scratch if you like)
150g roast beef  shredded ( you can use left overs or buy a pack of roast beef from le shoppe)
200ml double cream
100g Roquefort cheese
Salt and pepper

Cook your chips in the oven or fryer as per package instructions.

Get two little pots.
Put the gravy and roast beef into one and the cream and blue cheese into another.

Heat both on medium low heat while the chips are cooking. 
Stir the cheese sauce every now and then so it doesn't burn and till the sauce is thick and creamy. About 15 minutes. 

Put the chips onto two plates, add a little salt and pepper.
Top with the Gravy then top with the Cheese sauce.

Get it doon ye!

Hot Diggity Dawg!

Hot Damn Diggity Dawg. 

 Today's blog is inspired by a wee place I went to in Bristol called Atomic Burger 

It's great burger, hotdog place with cool retro comic book inspired decor and "Hard Shakes". Mmmmmm, booze and ice cream. Always a good combination.

Just for the record. I really LOVE Bristol.
It's one of my favorite cities. Friendly locals and loads of good bars and restaurants to go to. 
Amazing graffiti artists and a great music scene.  
Aye!

ATOMIC BURGER

I had the Stray Dog. A German Frankfurter wrapped in bacon with aged Cheddar sauce, tumbleweed onions and the Danger Fries. Crispy fries topped with pulled chicken, Louisiana hot sauce, blue cheese dressing and spring onions.
All washed down with some tasty Margharitas.  

Atomic burger is definitely a must if you find yourself in the wonderful City of Bristol. Great atmosphere, good service, old 80's videos and comic book decor which, (for me at least) takes me right back to my childhood. 
Even with the "interestingly erotic" floor design.

 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Well then. 
Here's a wee video from a band called Red Fang. I think they are one of the best bands to come out in ages.
The song is called "Prehistoric Dog".... hot dog? See what I did there. God, I'm a genius. 
For anyone who knows anything about erm......role playing (not me of course, oh no) the video is pretty funny.



Also worthy of note in Bristol is The Gryphon bar. 
A proper Metal boozer with tons of live acts and cask ales on offer. 
Check it out. 
The owner looks like Oliver Reed (see below). 

The Gryphon

Told ya.


So here's my take on an ATOMIC DAWG. bringing the atomic from the green chilli. Ooft!

Now, I ran a competition on facebook to name the "dawg" and the best name got something special (illegal?) through the post. 

3 people replied. Woo hoooooo. Thanks Lynne, Ali and Henry. 

So Henry is the winner with "The Dirty Dawg". 

Wheeeeeeeeeeey.

The Dirty Dawg

Crispy bacon wrapped Bratwurst with squeezy cheese and green chilli relish.

Makes 4

4 BIG Bratwurst
4 nice brioche buns or good sub rolls or hotdog rolls
8 rashers of really good streaky bacon. It MUST be streaky.
A bottle of squeesy cheddar style cheese (yep, that's right, trust me it's worth it)
1 green pepper
1 green jalapeno
1 shallot
50ml white wine vinegar
25g sugar
1 tomato chopped
Sunflower oil or olive oil
Pinch corriander seeds crushed
Salt and pepper


First we need to make the chilli relish.
De seed your green pepper and cut into small dice. Then finely chop you chilli (seeds and all). 
Chop your shallot finely.
Heat a little oil in a pan on medium. 
Add the corriander seeds and shallots and cook for a few minutes until shallots are soft and opaque and corriander smells fragrant and amazing.
Add your chilli and cook for one minute then add your green pepper and cook for about 5 minutes until softened.
Add the vinegar, sugar and a pinch of salt and pepper and cook for about 8 to 10 minutes until liquid has absorbed and you have a slightly wet relish ( It will thicken as it cools). 
Leave to cool. 


So here's the tricky part. 
You need to get a skewer or a chop stick and stick it down the length of the bratwurst, making sure not to pop out the other end or break the sausage. 
You are basically making a little tunnel to squeeze in the cheese. 

So, then..... squeeze in your cheese and fill the cavity. Fnar, fnar. 
Get two rashers of streaky bacon and wrap them around the Bratwurst making sure that you cover the wee hole where you squeezed in your cheesy goodness. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Heat a frying pan on medium with a little oil then place in your bacon wrapped dogs and fry until bacon is nice and browned all over. This should take about 10 minutes. 
Take out of the pan and leave to rest while you split your buns and place cut side down in the pan you cooked your dawgs in to heat and toast gently.

Place your dawgs in the buns then top with the relish. You can also add some fresh chopped tomato, ketchup, mustard, ice cream, dandelions etc . 
If you want. 

Enjoy and feel free to admit that you quite like squeezy cheese.
you do. Admit it.