Well, not quite yet.
I frikin LOOOOOOVE Christmas.
I am one of those annoying people that loves everything about this time of year.
Y'know, the one you see when your running around like a headless chicken, banging into people, trying to scramble for presents and I'm walking slowly around the shop with a big smug grin on my face because I'm just in for some more booze.
Yes, I put my Christmas tree up on the 29th because I couldn't handle waiting any longer.
Yes, I have all my presents in and wrapped.
Yes, I have watched five versions of A Christmas Carol and about 20 other Christmas films so far.
Yes, I have four pairs of Christmas jammies.
Yes, I have eaten most of the chocolate out of my advent calendar because I'm greedy.
And yes, I've drank a bucket load of Mulled wine thus far.
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| I am the Spirit of Christmas. |
I am so full of Christmas cheer (and coffee) that I might pop.
If I do pop, it won't be blood and guts that come out.
It will be glitter and Christmas baubles, and reindeer and mince pies and.........
Phew. I'd better clam down or I'll have a heart attack before Christmas even comes.
Here is an amazing Metal Christmas song for your delight. What a squeal this man has. Brilliant.
That was wonderful.
I had planned to do an EPIC Christmas blog with loads of recipes for alternative mains (I hate roast turkey).
But I've been far too busy dancing around my living room to "The Swing of Christmas"in my Christmas pants throwing tinsel around.
So here's a few wee treats for you.
This years festive recipes are as follows:
Asian Gravadlax
Baked Festive Ham
Smoked Sweet Potato Mash
Christmas Eton Mess that's actually nothing like Eton Mess (Deal with it)!
Christmas Punch
Asian Gravadlax
This is a four day process. It's really easy to make though, so don't let the time put you off.
if you want to pull a show stopper then get a whole side of salmon and double this recipe. It looks super fancy n shit. But I'll give you a recipe for 500g which should be enough for 6 people as a light starter. Serve it with bellinis or on prawn crackers and with chilli and lime spiked creme fraiche.
500g super fresh as possible salmon fillet. Don't buy crappy pre packaged or frozen salmon. Go to a fishmonger or your fish counter and get them to take off the skin and the pin bones.
50g salt
50g sugar
Quarter teaspoon cracked black pepper
big bunch corriander chopped
50ml sweet chilli sauce
15ml dark soy sauce
Juice and zest of 2 limes
Big knob fresh grated ginger
Mix the sugar, salt, pepper and corriander together
Lay the salmon on a large piece of cling film and cover both sides with the sugar, salt mixture.
Wrap the salmon up tightly in the cling film and place in a deep baking tray . Put another baking tray on top and weight down with some tins, shit you have in the fridge. As the weight will help it cure.
Keep in the fridge for 3 days. Turning every 12 hours.
On the fourth day, unwrap the salmon and wipe of the marinade.
Place into another dish.
Mix the sweet chilli sauce, soy sauce, lime juice and zest and ginger then pour over the salmon. Making sure it's all covered in the marinade.
Keep in the fridge for another 24 hours, again turning after 12.
When ready to serve get a sharp knife and cut at an angle as thinly as possible. Serve with the above accompaniments. Ooh, that's a big word isn't it?
Next.
Baked Festive Ham
You'll need a BIG pot and a meat thermometer.
1.5kg unsmoked gammon joint
1 stick celery choped roughly
1 carrot chopped roughly
5 pepper corns
1 stick cinnamon
1 star anis
half jar marmalade
150g muscavado sugar
Put your gammon into a large pot and cover completely with water as it's going to cook for quite some time. Put the celery, carrot and spices into the pot.
Put it on a high heat and bring to the boil. Turn down to a medium simmer. You'll probably need to cook it for about an hour. Check after half and hour by putting a meat thermometer into the middle of the meat. The ham is ready when it reaches 160 degrees. You might need to top up the water a couple of times while the ham is cooking to make sure it is fully submerged. Use freshly boiled water from the kettle.
Once the ham has reached temperature take it out of the pot and put onto a baking tray. Leave to cool.
(Keep the cooking liquid if you like as it makes a good pea and ham soup using dried green split peas and left over ham).
Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent.
Take the top layer of skin off the ham making sure you leave a layer of the juicy fat. Mmmmmmmm.
Score the fat then smear in the marmalade then rub in the sugar.
Add a little water to the bottom of your baking tray to stop the bottom of the ham drying out.
Place in the oven and bake for 20 to 30 minutes until the top is nice and golden.
You can eat it warm but if you cool it down it makes a good cold centre piece for your Christmas table.
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| The picture is a bit crappy as it was with my old camera. But you get the idea eh? |
Smoked Sweet Potato mash
serves 4
3 large sweet potatoes peeled and chopped quite chunky.
Glug olive oil
Teaspoon toasted pumpkin seed oil
Quarter teaspoon liquid smoke
1 teaspoon chipotle hot sauce
Big pinch salt and pepper
Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent.
Toss the sweet potato with the olive oil, salt and pepper. Place into an oven tray and roast for about 30 minutes until fork tender.
Place into a bowl and add the pumpkin seed oil, liquid smoke and hot sauce and mash roughly.
Done. Serve piping hot.
If you stick marshmallows on it i'll punch you.
Christmas Etonish Mess
Serves 4
500ml double cream
1 small Christmas pudding
2 punnets fresh blackberries
Glug brandy
100ml icing sugar
Whip the double cream and icing sugar together till it forms soft peaks.
Add the brandy and whip for another few seconds.
Break up the Chrimo pud.
In your glasses put a layer of Christmas pudding, then scatter over some blackberries, then a layer of the whipped cream.
Repeat again and top with a few more blackberries.
Christmas Punch
1 bottle Prosecco
200ml Amaretto
200ml Cranberry juice
2 litre bottle coke.
it tastes like Doctor pepper. Kinda.
If you want some nibbles to have with your Christmas Punch then buy a bag of crisps. I'm too busy getting drunk.
Merry Christmas everyone and a Happy New Year.
Appetite of Destruction over and out till 2014.
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