Scots wa hea

Hallo every wan.
It's Burns night tonight. Just another excuse for us Scots to get pished. So I'm making haggis, neeps and tatties, wearing tartan and listening to bagpipe music.


Don't worry. I'm not gonna make you eat haggis. It is an endangered species after all.

No, today's recipe if for Cranachan which is a traditional Scottish "puddin" made with whipped cream, toasted oats, honey, raspberries and whisky.
It's bloody good so it is.
You can have this for dessert after your environmentally farmed haggis.

But back to the haggis.............

Now for all you haggis virgins out there, here's a wee clip from one of my favourite films "HIGHLANDER" to help describe what haggis is.

Does that make you want to eat it?????

As it is Burns night tonight we will be addressing the haggis so here is the Rabbie Burns poem below.
And no, I don't know what half of it means either.

Address to a Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis

Aw, the wee haggis. coochy coooooooo.

Run haggis....... ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

So, here's a video from a band called Clanadonia called Hamsterheid.

Cladadonia are not technically speaking "Metal" but the beat is heavy and they are bloody good fun to watch.
If I meet a nice man I would like to Marry, I'm having these guys as my wedding band.

I actually bolted up Buchanan Street in Glasgow once to catch these guys to get a CD for my pal Fabiano. He's Brazilian. You'll hear about him in the next blog.

Watching the video though, I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the guys may just like their Metal.

Metaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!





OK, here's the recipe.

Cranachan

Ingredients

100g  medium oatmeal toasted
700ml double or whipping cream
1 punnet (150g) fresh or frozen raspberries
honey
Whisky

Shortbread to serve.


Whisk your cream till it forms soft peaks.
Add all the other ingredients and fold in lightly.
Serve with shortbread fingers and an extra wee dram 'O Whisky to sip.
Easy peeasy.

Git it doon ye! As we Glaswegians would say.

Sloppy Kid Joe

I wanna know you, cos you're so damn cool.

Ugly Kid Joe are one of my guilty pleasures ( along with Chris de Burgh and the Backstreet Boys. YEAH! Deal with it).
I think most Metal fans like Ugly Kid Joe. They may not admit it, but get a bunch of drunk Metalheads in a room and play "Cat's in the Cradle " every damn one of them will be singin their hearts out.
........ Ma boy wust just like meeeeeeeeeeeee... woooooooooooooooaaaa oooooooh oooooooh.
Ahem.
" So Damn Cool" is my favourite Ugly Kid Joe song.
It's pretty dang heavy. So heavy in fact that if you dropped it on your foot you'd have a tear in your eye.
Ugly Kid Joe were the first band that I ever head banged to. I tell you, the pain I was in the next day was phenomenal.
Well, not as sore as when some stupid punk decided to stage dive at the BACK of a Sick of it All gig onto my bloody head. DICK!

Regardless, here's the video for So damn Cool.




So clearly I'm doing a recipe for a Sloppy Joe. But I'm doing it Greek stylee so maybe I should call it " Sloppy Kid Stavros"????
Yeah.

Here goes

Sloppy Kid Joe

Ingredients

250g good quality lean lamb mince
1 small onion finely diced
1 small carrot peeled and finely diced
4 cloves garlic minced
1 tsp dried oregano
Half tsp dried thyme
1 bay leaf
1 tsp ground corriander
Half tsp ground cumin
Quarter tsp ground cinnamon
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 tsp tomato puree
1 tbsp tomato ketchup
Half tsp soy sauce
Half tsp mustard
250 ml water
15g brown sugar
2 tsp red wine vinegar
Pinch salt and pepper
Splash olive oil

100g Quark or natural yogurt
1 spring onion sliced thinly

Big hand full spinach or rocket leaves
4 Pitta bread or flat breads

OK, first put a splash of olive oil into a large pot or pan and put onto a medium high heat.

Add the onion, carrot and garlic and cook without colouring for about 5 minutes until softened.

Add the oregano, thyme, cumin, corriander and cinnamon and and cook for 1 minute. make sure the spices don't stick to the bottom of the pan and burn. Add a tiny bit of water if it starts to stick.

Add the tomato puree, ketchup, soy sauce, mustard, vinegar, sugar, stock cube, sugar, bay leaf and water. Stir then bring to a simmer and cook uncovered for about 30 to 40 minutes until lamb is cooked and sauce is thick. Season with salt and pepper.

While the mince is cooking mix the Quark and spring onion together.

When the lamb is ready toast your pitta bread, stuff with spinach or rocket then the lamb mix and a splodge of the Quark sauce.

You'll probably need napkins. Lots of napkins.

Uncle John's "Dirty Beer".

Beer is good. Period!
Dirty beer is better.
Now "Uncle John" is a real person.
Not some advertisement gimmick of an elusive, crooked toothed country bumpkin making moonshine in his back yard.
No. He's my Uncle John and he is a man, like most, who drinks beer.

My wee cousins call it "Dirty beer". I like it. It makes it sound like drinking beer is naughtier than usual.

One great quote from my wee cousin Scott when asked by his teacher what he wanted to do when he grows up, replied "I want to go out with my pals and drink Dirty Beer like Daddy". Classic.

This recipe is loosely based on the Mexican beer cocktail Michelada. Which is kinda like a Spicy Bloody mary made with beer.

My version omits the tomato juice as the thought of it makes me want to baulk.

Here's to you Uncle John. I love ya and yer Dirty Beer.

Uncle John's Dirty Beer

The recipe for this cocktail has beer and tequila in it but if you want you can cheat and buy a bottle of Desperados as it'll do the same thing and you don't need to buy a whole bottle of tequila.
Though, I think all respectable households should have a good bottle of tequila in the drinks cabinet.

If these adverts don't make you wanna drink Desperados, I don't know what will.

I all of a sudden feel a strong urge to drink a nice cold Desperados. Damn advertising works.

Recipe

1 bottle of nice cold beer (Negra Modelo is very good)
1 shot good quality Tequila
4 dashes of hot sauce
Lots of lime wedges
Ice
Pinch of salt

Put loads of ice in a big pint glass. Squeeze in the lime juice. Add the tequila, salt and hot sauce. Pour in the beer. Give it a stir and drink.

Add more hot sauce if you like it really spicy.

A Hunk of BURNING LOVE.

Well hello everyone and greetings from Cheltenham.
Yes, I have left my beloved Glasgow for Englandshire (hence the severe lack of internet participation).
A new beginning as they say.
I swear my hair has got more ginger since I came down here.
Tell ye what. though. Am pure missin tatty scones. Luckily they sell Irn Bru here  I'm saved.

So as it's the freezin season again it's time for belly warmer recipes.
Comfort food to the max. The food that makes you so happy you hug your belly afterwards.

Today's recipe is from Denmark and it's called

"Brændende Kærlighed"

Which translates as  BURNING LOVE.

This is a dish that poor Danish farmers and the like used to make as it was cheap. Apparently it's called burning love because you have to serve it piping hot.

And you know me, any excuse for a Volbeat video. But this one has burning love in it. 

Oh yes Siree. A very cool video indeed. I tried to sing this song and failed miserably. He's too fast for me man. Or maybe it's because I kept stopping to drink coffee?????

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Anyone who doesn't like Volbeat is a miserable sod. They're just so dang catchy.

OK, here's the recipe it's for 4 people because I'm incapable of cooking for less than that.

Ingredients

1 kg Maris Piper or other floury potatoes
1 white onion
1 or 2 lovely crisp apples whatever kind you like. Don't use bramley or cooking apples though they will turn to smoosh
200g bacon lardons ( though I'm using chorizo instead, cos I wanna)
75g good quality butter
50ml milk
salt and white pepper

For veggies just omit the bacon and add tempeh rashers instead.

Peel your potatoes and cut into chunks about 1 inch sized.
Put into a pan of cold water with a little salt and put onto a high heat until they start to boil.
Cook for about 20 minutes or until tender when stabbed with a fork.
While the potatoes are cooking peel and cut the onion into thin slices.
Put 25g  (or a blob) of butter into a frying pan on a medium high heat and add the bacon and cook till crispy.
Add the onions and cook, stirring every now and then until starting to turn golden. Slice the apple with skin on and add to the pan and cook everything until onions and apple are golden. Keep warm.
When potatoes are ready, drain well then put back into the pot and leave for one minute.
add the milk and remaining butter, salt and white pepper and mash to your desired consistency.
Top with the bacon, apple and onion mix and serve straight away, listen to Volbeat and twirl round in circles.

Detox? Hey, come on!

From time to time we all overdo it a bit.

Beer, vodka, pork pies and late nights watching Dolph Lundgren films. Those are my vices.

 My kidneys ache, my liver has the cold sweats, my stomach wants to crawl out and slap me across the face.
My skin and hair....... Well, lucky me I'm blessed with a fine mane of hair like that of a Norse God (Thanks Mum and Dad).
It's OK, it balances out as I have the height of a 10 year old boy.

Now I don't condone any form of dieting. Bugger that.
If you want to loose weight change your lifestyle.

On the other hand I quite like my lifestyle but need a little break every now and then.

Some magic elixir that will do my insides good. Jagermeister? Ah ha ha. No!

I'm talking juice here people.
Detox juice. Lay off the booze for a few days and get some vitamins back into your system.

Here is a fitting video from Strapping Young Lad.
Don't watch it if you want to wind down.
THIS SHIT IS FULL THROTTLE!
I'm sitting with the laptop on my knees watching this and bashing my feet together franticly.

I

I actually went on a proper detox once.
 I lasted a week and a half,  had a complete mental breakdown and ran crying to KFC.
I will never eat brown rice again.

Apple, ginger, cucumber and spinach juice

2 apples (I like Granny Smith for the tartness) cored and cut into wedges
Quarter cucumber cut into chunks
Half teaspoon fresh minced ginger
Big hand full washed spinach

It's pretty simple really. If you have an electric juicer then just pop everything in and juice.
Otherwise, stick everything in a blender and  whizz until as smooth as possible. You can just drink it like this or pour it through a fine mesh sieve or muslin so you get rid of the bits.

You will feel better. Until your next beer.

When the Gumbo did my infatuation with Pepper Keenan start?

This recipe is in honour of my two favourite things.
Pepper Kennan. Front man and guitarist of Corrosion of Conformity and guitarist in Down, and good down home Southern Louisiana cooking.

(Other things of note which I love are Dolph Lundgren, Columbo, 80's action films, my Viking drinking horn, Mexican wrestling and pork pies. Oh, and vodka).

 To start the story.

I was a young girl, about the age of thirteen/ fourteen, in the bloom of my youth and just starting to get over my Eddie Vedder infatuation.
 I was watching the show Headbangers Ball on MTV which my Granny had kindly videotaped for me (yes, I said videotaped! it was the 90's).
My Gran was deemed posh on the scheme as she was one of the first to get cable.

So there I was watching the likes of Skintrade, Annihilator and Nuclear Assault when a video came on by a band called Corrosion of Conformity. Voting with a bullet to be precise.

There I saw a man.
Not your pretty boy Eddie Vedder type but a MAN!
A big hairy Metal Man by the name of Pepper Keenan.
That was it, my heart was his.




I’d imagine Pepper sitting on an old swing chair on a porch in our run down little shack, basking in the Louisiana sun.
Strumming a tune on his guitar, drinking a cold beer and eating some famous New Orleans (or N’awlins as the locals say) Gumbo that I had cooked for him.

After the gumbo was finished I'd bring him some freshly baked bread pudding which we would share from the same plate, feeding each other while laughing softly.

We’d sip some homemade lemonade laced with bourbon and kiss under the hot moonlit Louisiana sky.
Then he would take my hand and lead me to the bedroom where we would fall into a deep and comforting sleep in each others arms.

My sexual awakening hadn't happened yet. Clearly!

(For the record, I  completely made everything after the "voting with a bullet" video up. Hee hee. But I do write a damn good story don't I? )

You should check out my Mills and Boon tributes on "Jack n coke cupcakes"
http://appetiteofdestructionbook.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/jack-n-coke-cupcakes.html
and "If Mills and Boon wrote recipe reviews".
http://appetiteofdestructionbook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/if-mills-and-boon-wrote-recipe-reviews.html

I'm seriously considering a career as a Romantic novelist.


Here's something else for you to laugh at.
I call it:

An Ode to Good Ol’ Southern Cookin with Pepper

Oh dearest Pepper Keenan ,
You’re the size of a bear
With your big guitar riffs
And Man Metal hair

Your name goes with salt,
 Not sugar or spice
To share all my meals
With you would be nice

I’d make Turtle soup
And shit loads of crab
With Remoulade sauce
In which shrimps you could dab

I’d like to invite you
To eat Gumbo stew
With rice, shrimp and okra
Just me and you

I’ll fry up some Hush Puppies
To have on the side
And after some beers
We can have a good ride (On the St Charles Streetcar you filthy minded beggars)

I forgot about pudding
Now that wouldn’t do
I’ll make Bananas Foster
Just
Yes especially,
 just for you

As I would have said in the 90’s  “SCHWING"



Ok, Ok, here is the recipe then. I hope it is as authentic as it is in N’awlins.


N’awlins Gumbo

This makes a shit load of Gumbo. You canny make a small pot. It’s just not right. Invite people round, give it to your neighbours, the homeless, whomever and celebrate New Orleans style.

Ingredients:

note: This recipe calls for pepper. As in the spice. Please do not kidnap Pepper Keenan and try to cook him in a big pot of gumbo as this may lead to a spoiled stew and a lengthy prison sentance.

This is my Gumbo. Not a very good photo but damn it was tasty.

This is andouille Gumbo from the Gumbo Shop in New Orleans. This is the colour your Gumbo should be,

Andouille sausage (If you can’t get Andouille then you can use chorizo or merguez ) cut into chunky rings about 2cm thick
500g okra washed and stalks cut off
10 Big fat raw tiger prawns de shelled and de veined. (Oh fuck this. It’s NOT a vain. It’s the prawn’s shite pipe. I have no need of being polite, so de shite pipe the prawns).
150g butter
100g flour
2 Green bell peppers diced
6 stalks Celery diced
2 large onions diced
3 bay leaves
1 teaspoon tomato purée
Teaspoon fresh thyme
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
2litres Chicken stock or one chicken stock cube dissolved in 2 litres of boiling water
Couple splashes hot sauce
Big handful chopped fresh parsley
Salt and pepper

First thing you need is a BIG heavy bottomed pot.
Next you need to make your roux.
Put your pot onto a medium heat and plop in the butter. Once melted and starting to bubble slightly add the flour and stir.
Turn heat down to low and cook the roux, stirring every now and then until it is the colour of peanut butter, This will take about 10 to 15 minutes but be patient. It's worth it. Just keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't burn.
When your roux is ready add the smoked paprika, onion, celery and green peppers.
Cook for about 5 minutes stirring every now and then until softened.
Add the sausage and cook for 5 minutes.
Add the okra and cook for a few minutes.
Add the chicken stock, thyme, bay leaves, hot sauce, tomato purée, salt and pepper.
Stir and bring to a simmer.
Cook slowly for about 40 minutes or until the okra is tender.
Plop in the prawns and cook for about 3 minutes. You don't want the prawns to go like rubber.
Take off the heat and add the chopped parsley.
Serve with boiled rice and nice crusty bread.

No, no. It's OK. You don't have to thank me.

Ich liebe Currywurst.

Du, Du hast, Du hast Currywurst?
I don't. I frikin love, love, love currywurst.
I love it soo much that I am the proud owner of a ceramic Currywurst dish.

Oh yes, this plate is specificaly designed for Currywurst. That's dedication.

So, what is Currywurst then?
Well, it's juicy Bratwurst or Knockwurst sausages grilled to crispy perfection then smothered in a sweet, spicy curry flavoured ketchup.
Usually served with pommes frites and a wee dollop of mayonaise.

I'm sure the big strapping lads in Rammstein have had their fair share of this dish.
I tried to eat my Currywurst while listeneing to this song but I was rocking out so much I got sauce all over my face.
Not a good look.



I've used a really quick and simple recipe for the Currywurst sauce so you can make this dish in about half an hour.

Currywurst mit Pommes Frites

serves 2

Ingredients

5 bratwurst or knockwurst sausages. You can also use vegetarian hot dogs for this recipe too.

For the sauce
200ml water
1 mild Spanish onion, chopped very fine
1 tablespoon sweet paprika
3 tablespoons curry powder
500ml tomato ketchup
Small glug sunflower oil

French fries
Mayonnaise

I cook my sausages in the oven so they are extra crispy on the outside so preheat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent.

Lightly grease an oven tray and pop your sausages on and place in the oven and cook for about 20 to 25 minutes turning every now and then to brown and crispify all over.

While the sausages are cooking make the sauce and cook your french fries.
To make the sauce put a small glug of olive oil into a pan and heat on medium.

Add half of the chopped onion and cook for about 5 to 8 minutes stirring every now and then till softened and translucent.

Add the curry powder and paprika and cook for about one minute till fragrant.

Add the ketchup and water, stir well then simmer for about 10 to 15 minutes until thick.

When sausages are ready, chop into pieces and put into the sauce. Stir and cook for a few minutes till sauce takes the flavour of the sausages.

To serve put your sausages on a plate (or specially designed Currywurst plate) and sprinkle with the rest of the raw chopped onion and extra curry powder.

Serve with your fries and a dollop of mayonnaise.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.