The appetite of Destruction Metaler's Guide to Grillin.

 "THE APPETITE OF DESTRUCTION METALER'S GUIDE TO GRILLIN"

I just made that up. Do you like it?
This is gonna be another beast of a blog as I'm giving you recipes for every freakin thing. From sauces, pickles, burgers, veggies, salads. The lot.

(Check out my next blog for my ultimate lazy summer day playlist)

It will be a feast that will be forever remembered in time. Men will weep and fall to their knees at the sight of the meaty goodness. 
Woman will come over all a quiver and faint into the arms of the men still able to stand.

Oh yes. I know how to throw a mean BBQ.

Here is a little video to get you in the mood. I bloody love it.
I tell you, it's amazing what you can find online.
There is a song for everything. Whoop!



That was fun wasn't it?
So here is the list of everything that we shall make. It's alot. But you will thank me for it when you sink your teeth in. And you better get yourself a decent BBQ.
OK, here goes.
This is what we shall be concocting.

Beef and blue cheese burgers with grilled red onion and Bourbon, cola BBQ sauce

Hoisin pork burgers with pickled cucumber and wasabi apple mayo

Harrisa chicken burger with Southern slaw and Chipotle, red pepper ketchup

Lentil and sweet potato burgers with pepperjack cheese and Chipotle red pepper ketchup.

Spiced pomegranate lamb chops

Tandoori aubergine

Herby cheese and olive stuffed red peppers

Grilled cheesy corn

Spicy sweet potato chips

Tater salad

Big chop salad

Rawkamole (har har)

Boozy iced tea

Coconut, honey lemonade cocktail

OK, so first we want to start with the sauces and pickles. You can make these a month  in advance so you can let the flavours develop.
If you are feeling lazy then of course you can just buy ready made BBQ sauce and spicy ketchup but ,
YOU WILL SUCK!

Are you ready? Here goes.

Sauces and Pickles

Red Pepper and Chipotle ketchup

Yes, I recycle. This is my red pepper and chipotle ketchup and my Bourbon, cola BBQ sauce. oh, and my little friend Hernando.

Ingredients
700ml pasatta
2 chipotle chillies from a jar of chipotle in adobe sauce chopped (or 2 dried chipotle chillies which have been soaked over night in 100ml boiling water)
1 small onion diced
4 minced garlic cloves
2 large red peppers
1 cinnamon stick
Half teaspoon cumin seeds
Half teaspoon corriander seeds
1 teaspoon hot paprika
Half teaspoon salt
200ml red wine vinegar
200g caster sugar
2 bay leaves
Splash vegetable oil

Heat your oven to 220 degrees or equivalent.
Put the peppers onto a baking tray with a little splash of vegetable oil and roast for about 20 minutes until skin is browned and blistering. Leave to cool then peel off the skin and take out the seeds. Chop roughly
Put a splash of vegetable oil into a heavy bottomed pan and put onto a medium heat.
Add the onion and garlic and cook for a few minutes until softened and smelling fragrant.
Add the cinnamon stick, cumin seeds, corriander seeds, paprika and bay leaves. Cook for a minute until nice and fragrant. If the pan is getting a little dry just add a wee splash of water.
Add the passatta, red wine vinegar, sugar, chillies, roast red pepper and salt. Stir, bring to the boil then turn down to a low simmer and cook for about an hour and a half to two hours until thick.
Take out the bay leaves and cinnamon stick and discard and leave to cool for about 15 minutes then put into a blender or use a stick blender to puree till smooth.
Put a non metal sieve over the pot you were using for the sauce and pour the blended sauce through the sieve. You will need a wooden spoon to squeesh the mix through the sieve. You want to get as much sauce through as possible.
Put back onto the heat and bring to the boil. The sauce should be just a bit thinner than normal ketchup as it will thicken when it cools.
Pour into sterilised jars or bottles with non metallic lids, bang the bottom onto a surface a little to knock out any air bubbles, seal tight and leave to cool completely.
Leave for a couple of days before use. The sauce will keep for 3 months unopened but once opened, store in the fridge and use within 2 weeks.
Note: You can sterilise bottles and jars by either putting them into a very hot dishwasher cycle or wash then thoroughly with hot soapy water, rinse, drain then put into an oven at 200 degrees for 15 minutes.

Bourbon and Cola BBQ sauce

Ingredients

1 can Jack Daniels and Cola premix
75g dark brown muscavado sugar
1 tablespoon tamarind paste
700ml pasatta
200ml cider or red wine vinegar
1 cinnamon stick
1 tablespoon dark thick soy sauce
1 star anis
2 bay leaves
quarter teaspoon cayenne pepper
quarter teaspoon onion powder
quarter teaspoon garlic powder

This is a lazy persons BBQ sauce. Gooooooood, I hear you say.
Stick everything in a big pot. Give it a good stir.
Bring to the boil then turn down and simmer for about an hour, stirring every now and the until sauce has thickened. It will thicken again during cooling so leave it a bit runnier than you would usually have it when finished cooking.
remove cinnamon stick, star anis and bay leaves.
Pour into sterilised bottles or containers and seal well.
Leave to cool then put into fridge. Will keep for about 3 months.

Pickled cucumber

1 cucumber
200ml Japanese white rice or sushi vinegar
1 teaspoon Japanese mirin
small pinch chilli flakes
salt

Put the vinegar, mirin and chilli flakes into a small pot, stir, bring to the boil and then turn down to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes.
Place into a plastic sealable container.

Slice the cucumber thinly and lay each slice in a single layer on top of a large plate or non metallic dish.
Sprinkle the cucumber all over with lots of salt.
Leave for 15 minutes.
Squeeze the cucumber slices to get rid of the excess liquid and put into the vinegar. Mix to coat all the cucumber slices then cover and store in the fridge.
These will be ready to use in a few hours and will keep in the fridhe for a few weeks.

Now for the burgers

What you lookin at? Think you're gonna eat me? Jist try it PAL!  Moooooooooooooooooo.

You can make the burgers and other meaty things a day before the BBQ or for ease you can make them all ahead and freeze. Just defrost fully before you want to cook them.

Basically you want to make as much as you can in advance and leave yourself as little to do on the day so you have plenty time to drink, listen to tunes and enjoy yourself . That's my motto.
So crack open a beer while you're at it. 

I recommend Astra. So good I got the logo tattooed on me.

You will obviously need good quality burger buns as el cheapo ones will just turn soggy and fall apart. Also get plenty of any extras you like for your burgers. Crispy lettuce, tomato, sliced pickles, mustard ,mayonaise, etc. The more condiments the better I say. I like a good condiment me!

Take inspiration from the Germans.  They like sauce too. Or should I say "Senf". 

I always put these on a wee table ready for people to help themselves to. Along with the toasted buns, salads, sides, forks, plates and napkins.
 Let people help themselves to this so you aren't running around all day trying to serve everyone.





(Just for the record, while checking to see on my bottle of  mustard how the Germans spell sauce, I just got cracked over the head by a glass bottle of rice vinegar. Now I smell like sushi).

Now I'm not gonna go into a huge spiel about how to fire up the perfect barbecue. Find a puffed chested Alpha male and get him to do it. Sit and drink a beer while you wait.
Just make sure the damn thing is hot.

With the beef  burgers I cooked them for 4 minutes each side as I like them kinda pink. For well done cook for about 5 to 6 minutes each side.

For the pork burgers cook for 5 to 6 minutes each side and you can check to see if they are cooked by cutting one up and checking the inside. We don't want to poison anyone now do we.

For the chicken burgers cook for about 7 to 8 minutes each side and make sure they are cooked right through.

Cook the sweet potato and lentils burgers for 4 minutes each side until they are nice and crispy on the outside.

Beef and blue cheese burgers with grilled onions

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, runny cheeeeeeeeeeeese.

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

makes 4

500g quality organic beef steak mince
2 shallots diced fine
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon dark thick soy sauce
half teaspoon fresh thyme
quarter teaspoon salt
125g blue cheese. I used Roquefort but any softish blue cheese it good.
1 red onion sliced into thick rings

Put the mince, shallots, garlic, soy sauce, thyme and salt into a big bowl and give it a good old mix.
Separate the mix into 4, roll into balls then cut the cheese into 4 and push each bit of cheese into the centre of each burger and seal. Flatten the burger balls into a patty shapes making sure that the cheese is not poking through.
Wrap the burgers in parchment and store in fridge for a few hours at least before you cook them. Don't stick the burgers on top of each other without separating with parchment or they will stick together and you will get very annoyed.

Grill the red onion rings at the same time as you are grilling the burgers.

Stick your burgers into the bun with the extras you like, top with the red onion rings and smother in the Bourbon, cola BBQ sauce.

The juice will run down your arm. This makes it more fun.

Hoisin  pork burgers with pickled cucumber and apple, wasabi  mayo

makes 4

600g lean organic pork mince
100g hoisin sauce ( keep more hoisin sauce for serving)
2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds
1 teaspoon minced ginger
half teaspoon minced garlic
half teaspoon minced red chilli
4 spring onions sliced fine
2 tablespoons panko breadcrumbs

For the apple wasabi mayo
6 tablespoons mayonaise
half an apple (eat the rest)
quarter teaspoon wasabi paste
small splash Japanese rice or sushi vinegar
pinch salt and pepper

Pickled cucumber slices

Mix all the burger ingredients together, divide by 4 and flatten into patties.
Wrap with parchment and store in the fridge for at least an hour before use.

To put together, smear the bottom of your toasty bun with the apple, wasabi mayo and some lettuce. Top with the burger then some hoisin sauce and place some pickled cucumbers on top.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.

Harissa chicken burgers with southern slaw and Chipotle, red pepper ketchup

makes 4

4 good quality organic chicken breasts
2 tablespoons harissa paste
half teaspoon minced garlic
quarter teaspoon paprika
quarter teaspoon ground cumin
juice of 1 lime
handfull chopped fresh parsley
handfull chopped fresh corriander
pinch salt

Southern slaw (recipe to follow)
Chipotle, red pepper ketchup

Mix the harissa paste, garlic, lime juice, paprika, cumin, parsley and
corriander together. Add the chicken and mix till coated all over.
Put in the fridge overnight.

To assemble, smear the bottom of your toasted burger bun with lots of Chipotle, red pepper ketchup and lettuce. Top with the cooked chicken breast then loads of Southern slaw.

Lentil and sweet potato burger

makes 4

200g cooked black or put lentils
1 large sweet potato cooked, mashed and cooled ( I like to roast mine and keep the skin on. You can do this by heating the oven to 200 degrees, cutting the sweet potato  into chunks, drizzling with a little oil and roasting for for about 25 to 30 minutes until tender. Then mash)
1 small red onion diced very fine
big handfull sweetcorn
1 teaspoon tomato puree
2 roast red peppers from a jar chopped roughly
big handfull chopped fresh corriander
quarter teaspoon garlic powder
quarter teaspoon ground cumin
quarter teaspoon ground corriander
quarter teaspoon paprika
quarter teaspoon dried oregano
pinch cayenne pepper
big pinch salt and pepper

Pepperjack cheese or spicy Mexicana cheese for serving

Mix all the above ingredients together and form into 4 patties.
Store in the fridge for at least and hour till ready to be cooked.

Serve the burgers with lashings of Chipotle, red pepper ketchup and melty pepperjack cheese.



Non burger mains, meaty treats and other delights

Pomegranate lamb chops

makes 4

4 juicy organic lamb chops
2 tablespoons pomegranate molasas
50ml pomegranate juice
half teaspoon minced garlic
big pinch ground cinnamon
teaspoon ground cumin
teaspoon ground corriander
quarter teaspoon paprika
big pinch salt

Put everything in a big sealable sandwich bag and rub it all together.
Swing it round your head a few times. You may also windmill hair at this point.
Like these guys.

Leave to marinade for a few hours at least or overnight till ready to cook.

For pink lamb grill for about 3 minutes each side and 5 to 6 minutes each side for well done.

Tandoori Aubergine

serves 4

1 large aubergine
2 tablespoons madras curry sauce
24 tablespoons natural yoghurt
half teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon mint sauce
big pinch salt

Mix the Madras curry paste, yoghurt, garlic, mint sauce and salt together.
Slice the aubergine into half centimetre thick slices. Put into the marinade and coat all over.
Put in the fridge until ready to cook.

Take out of the marinade and grill for about 6 minutes on each side until tender and slightly crispy on the outside.


Herby cheese and olive stuffed red peppers

makes 4

4 pointy red peppers
400g herb cream cheese
100g  feta cheese
big handfull pitted black olives sliced
big handfull fresh basil torn
couple fresh mint leaves chopped

cocktail sticks

Mix the cream cheese, feta, olives, basil and mint together.
cut the tops of the peppers off but leave whole. Take out the seeds.
Stuff the peppers with the cheese mixture then secure the tops back onto the peppers with the cocktail sticks.
Store in the fridge till ready to cook.

To cook, grill the peppers for about 8 to 10 minutes turning every now and then till slightly charred on outside and softened,.

Sides, glorious sides, salads and all

Spiced sweet potato chips with pumpkin seed oil

I like my meat bloody.

serves 4

3 large sweet potatoes cut into thick chips
1 tablespoons smoked Cajun seasoning
half teaspoon salt
50ml olive oil
25ml pumpkin seed oil
50g pumpkin seeds
half teaspoon dried oregano

Preheat you oven to 220 degrees.
Put the sweet potato chips into a large bowl, add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.
Lay onto an oven tray in a single layer and roast for about 25 minutes until browned on the outside and tender inside.
You can leave these to cool and re heat them for 10 minutes at 100 degrees if you need to.

Grilled cheesy corn

makes 4

4 fresh corn cobs with husks taken off (you can use frozen corn cobs too. Just defrost them first)
4 tablespoons grated Parmesan
small handfull dried parsley chopped parsley
2 tablespoons panko breadcrumbs
100ml olive oil
juice of one lemon

Grill corn for about 8 minutes turning every now and then to make sure they are evenly cooked and have a nice char.
While the corn is cooking mix the rest of the ingredients in a shallow dish.
When corn is cooked  roll it in the cheesy mixture and serve.


Southern Slaw

half a head white cabbage shredded
4 shallots sliced fine
2 teaspoons caster sugar
quarter teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons mayonaise
2 teaspoons hot sauce
big pinch white pepper
quarter teaspoon celery salt

Mix all together and leave in fridge overnight.
Serve on it's own and with the harissa chicken burger.

Tater salad

500g baby potatoes
1 small red onion sliced fine
6 gherkins chopped roughly
1 tablespoon capers rinsed and drained
2 tablespoons mayonaise
2 tablespoons creme fraiche
big handfull chopped fresh parsley
pinch salt and ground white pepper

Half the potatoes and cook them in a big pot of boiling salted water for about 10 minutes until tender but not falling apart.
Run under cold water till cold then drain.
Mix the rest of the ingredients together in a large bowl, add the potatoes and give a final mix until all coated.
Store in fridge until ready to serve.

Chop salad

1 head of romaine lettuce
1 red onion diced
half cucumber diced
3 tomatoes diced
4 eggs hard boiled and chopped roughly
big handfull pitted black olives chopped roughly
125g Stilton crumbled
100g diced pancetta fried until crisp, drained and cooled
Big handfull chopped fresh parsley

100ml extra virgin olive oil
30 ml red wine vinegar
half  tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon clear runny honey
Pinch salt and pepper

Make the dressing. Pour all the ingredients into an empty jar, screw the lid on tightly and shake it furiously until it has emulsified.

Make the salad last thing before you serve the food.
Chop the lettuce roughly and mix with the rest of the ingredients.
Pour over the dressing just before you serve and mix lightly.


Rawkamole

4 ripe avocados
Half red onion diced fine
2 tomatoes chopped fine
half teaspoon minced red chilli
juice of 1 lime
pinch ground cumin
pinch paprika
couple splashes hot sauce
big handfull chopped fresh corriander
Pinch salt

There are 2 ways you can make this. 

Either bung everything into a food processor and blitz till roughly mashed
or
Skin the avocados and take out the stone. I've always had the urge to bounce the stone off someone's head. Don't know why.
Put into a bowl with the lime juice and mash roughly with the end of a rolling pin.
Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.


Well, that's all the food out of the way.
Phew.
Now it's time for the booze.

Boozy iced tea

This is a great drink to serve on a sunny day. Sit back, relax. Sip your tea and lemonade then wonder why you're pished.

6 Earl Grey teabags
100g soft brown sugar
2 lemons
1 orange
500ml bourbon
lots and lots of ice


Put the teabags and brown sugar into a 5ltr jug.
Pour over 2 litres boiling water. stir and leave to sit until completely cooled.
Take out the teabags.
Cut the lemon and orange into slices and add to the tea mix.
When ready to serve pour the bourbon into the jug add lots of ice , mix well and serve.

Coconut, honey Lemonade

6 lemons
2 limes
150g caster sugar
2 tablespoons clear runny honey
200ml coconut rum (Malibu or Ko ko Kanu)
1.5 litres water
Lots of ice

Mix the lemon and lime juice with the sugar and honey and stir till dissolved.
Pour into a big jug. add the rum, water and lots of ice.
Stir well and serve.



Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

Hope your BBQ goes good guys. Send in your most Metal BBQ photos and I'll post them on the blog.

Appetite of Destruction. Over and out.

Scots wa hea

Hallo every wan.
It's Burns night tonight. Just another excuse for us Scots to get pished. So I'm making haggis, neeps and tatties, wearing tartan and listening to bagpipe music.


Don't worry. I'm not gonna make you eat haggis. It is an endangered species after all.

No, today's recipe if for Cranachan which is a traditional Scottish "puddin" made with whipped cream, toasted oats, honey, raspberries and whisky.
It's bloody good so it is.
You can have this for dessert after your environmentally farmed haggis.

But back to the haggis.............

Now for all you haggis virgins out there, here's a wee clip from one of my favourite films "HIGHLANDER" to help describe what haggis is.

Does that make you want to eat it?????

As it is Burns night tonight we will be addressing the haggis so here is the Rabbie Burns poem below.
And no, I don't know what half of it means either.

Address to a Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis

Aw, the wee haggis. coochy coooooooo.

Run haggis....... ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

So, here's a video from a band called Clanadonia called Hamsterheid.

Cladadonia are not technically speaking "Metal" but the beat is heavy and they are bloody good fun to watch.
If I meet a nice man I would like to Marry, I'm having these guys as my wedding band.

I actually bolted up Buchanan Street in Glasgow once to catch these guys to get a CD for my pal Fabiano. He's Brazilian. You'll hear about him in the next blog.

Watching the video though, I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the guys may just like their Metal.

Metaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!





OK, here's the recipe.

Cranachan

Ingredients

100g  medium oatmeal toasted
700ml double or whipping cream
1 punnet (150g) fresh or frozen raspberries
honey
Whisky

Shortbread to serve.


Whisk your cream till it forms soft peaks.
Add all the other ingredients and fold in lightly.
Serve with shortbread fingers and an extra wee dram 'O Whisky to sip.
Easy peeasy.

Git it doon ye! As we Glaswegians would say.

Sloppy Kid Joe

I wanna know you, cos you're so damn cool.

Ugly Kid Joe are one of my guilty pleasures ( along with Chris de Burgh and the Backstreet Boys. YEAH! Deal with it).
I think most Metal fans like Ugly Kid Joe. They may not admit it, but get a bunch of drunk Metalheads in a room and play "Cat's in the Cradle " every damn one of them will be singin their hearts out.
........ Ma boy wust just like meeeeeeeeeeeee... woooooooooooooooaaaa oooooooh oooooooh.
Ahem.
" So Damn Cool" is my favourite Ugly Kid Joe song.
It's pretty dang heavy. So heavy in fact that if you dropped it on your foot you'd have a tear in your eye.
Ugly Kid Joe were the first band that I ever head banged to. I tell you, the pain I was in the next day was phenomenal.
Well, not as sore as when some stupid punk decided to stage dive at the BACK of a Sick of it All gig onto my bloody head. DICK!

Regardless, here's the video for So damn Cool.




So clearly I'm doing a recipe for a Sloppy Joe. But I'm doing it Greek stylee so maybe I should call it " Sloppy Kid Stavros"????
Yeah.

Here goes

Sloppy Kid Joe

Ingredients

250g good quality lean lamb mince
1 small onion finely diced
1 small carrot peeled and finely diced
4 cloves garlic minced
1 tsp dried oregano
Half tsp dried thyme
1 bay leaf
1 tsp ground corriander
Half tsp ground cumin
Quarter tsp ground cinnamon
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 tsp tomato puree
1 tbsp tomato ketchup
Half tsp soy sauce
Half tsp mustard
250 ml water
15g brown sugar
2 tsp red wine vinegar
Pinch salt and pepper
Splash olive oil

100g Quark or natural yogurt
1 spring onion sliced thinly

Big hand full spinach or rocket leaves
4 Pitta bread or flat breads

OK, first put a splash of olive oil into a large pot or pan and put onto a medium high heat.

Add the onion, carrot and garlic and cook without colouring for about 5 minutes until softened.

Add the oregano, thyme, cumin, corriander and cinnamon and and cook for 1 minute. make sure the spices don't stick to the bottom of the pan and burn. Add a tiny bit of water if it starts to stick.

Add the tomato puree, ketchup, soy sauce, mustard, vinegar, sugar, stock cube, sugar, bay leaf and water. Stir then bring to a simmer and cook uncovered for about 30 to 40 minutes until lamb is cooked and sauce is thick. Season with salt and pepper.

While the mince is cooking mix the Quark and spring onion together.

When the lamb is ready toast your pitta bread, stuff with spinach or rocket then the lamb mix and a splodge of the Quark sauce.

You'll probably need napkins. Lots of napkins.

Uncle John's "Dirty Beer".

Beer is good. Period!
Dirty beer is better.
Now "Uncle John" is a real person.
Not some advertisement gimmick of an elusive, crooked toothed country bumpkin making moonshine in his back yard.
No. He's my Uncle John and he is a man, like most, who drinks beer.

My wee cousins call it "Dirty beer". I like it. It makes it sound like drinking beer is naughtier than usual.

One great quote from my wee cousin Scott when asked by his teacher what he wanted to do when he grows up, replied "I want to go out with my pals and drink Dirty Beer like Daddy". Classic.

This recipe is loosely based on the Mexican beer cocktail Michelada. Which is kinda like a Spicy Bloody mary made with beer.

My version omits the tomato juice as the thought of it makes me want to baulk.

Here's to you Uncle John. I love ya and yer Dirty Beer.

Uncle John's Dirty Beer

The recipe for this cocktail has beer and tequila in it but if you want you can cheat and buy a bottle of Desperados as it'll do the same thing and you don't need to buy a whole bottle of tequila.
Though, I think all respectable households should have a good bottle of tequila in the drinks cabinet.

If these adverts don't make you wanna drink Desperados, I don't know what will.

I all of a sudden feel a strong urge to drink a nice cold Desperados. Damn advertising works.

Recipe

1 bottle of nice cold beer (Negra Modelo is very good)
1 shot good quality Tequila
4 dashes of hot sauce
Lots of lime wedges
Ice
Pinch of salt

Put loads of ice in a big pint glass. Squeeze in the lime juice. Add the tequila, salt and hot sauce. Pour in the beer. Give it a stir and drink.

Add more hot sauce if you like it really spicy.

A Hunk of BURNING LOVE.

Well hello everyone and greetings from Cheltenham.
Yes, I have left my beloved Glasgow for Englandshire (hence the severe lack of internet participation).
A new beginning as they say.
I swear my hair has got more ginger since I came down here.
Tell ye what. though. Am pure missin tatty scones. Luckily they sell Irn Bru here  I'm saved.

So as it's the freezin season again it's time for belly warmer recipes.
Comfort food to the max. The food that makes you so happy you hug your belly afterwards.

Today's recipe is from Denmark and it's called

"Brændende Kærlighed"

Which translates as  BURNING LOVE.

This is a dish that poor Danish farmers and the like used to make as it was cheap. Apparently it's called burning love because you have to serve it piping hot.

And you know me, any excuse for a Volbeat video. But this one has burning love in it. 

Oh yes Siree. A very cool video indeed. I tried to sing this song and failed miserably. He's too fast for me man. Or maybe it's because I kept stopping to drink coffee?????

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Anyone who doesn't like Volbeat is a miserable sod. They're just so dang catchy.

OK, here's the recipe it's for 4 people because I'm incapable of cooking for less than that.

Ingredients

1 kg Maris Piper or other floury potatoes
1 white onion
1 or 2 lovely crisp apples whatever kind you like. Don't use bramley or cooking apples though they will turn to smoosh
200g bacon lardons ( though I'm using chorizo instead, cos I wanna)
75g good quality butter
50ml milk
salt and white pepper

For veggies just omit the bacon and add tempeh rashers instead.

Peel your potatoes and cut into chunks about 1 inch sized.
Put into a pan of cold water with a little salt and put onto a high heat until they start to boil.
Cook for about 20 minutes or until tender when stabbed with a fork.
While the potatoes are cooking peel and cut the onion into thin slices.
Put 25g  (or a blob) of butter into a frying pan on a medium high heat and add the bacon and cook till crispy.
Add the onions and cook, stirring every now and then until starting to turn golden. Slice the apple with skin on and add to the pan and cook everything until onions and apple are golden. Keep warm.
When potatoes are ready, drain well then put back into the pot and leave for one minute.
add the milk and remaining butter, salt and white pepper and mash to your desired consistency.
Top with the bacon, apple and onion mix and serve straight away, listen to Volbeat and twirl round in circles.

Detox? Hey, come on!

From time to time we all overdo it a bit.

Beer, vodka, pork pies and late nights watching Dolph Lundgren films. Those are my vices.

 My kidneys ache, my liver has the cold sweats, my stomach wants to crawl out and slap me across the face.
My skin and hair....... Well, lucky me I'm blessed with a fine mane of hair like that of a Norse God (Thanks Mum and Dad).
It's OK, it balances out as I have the height of a 10 year old boy.

Now I don't condone any form of dieting. Bugger that.
If you want to loose weight change your lifestyle.

On the other hand I quite like my lifestyle but need a little break every now and then.

Some magic elixir that will do my insides good. Jagermeister? Ah ha ha. No!

I'm talking juice here people.
Detox juice. Lay off the booze for a few days and get some vitamins back into your system.

Here is a fitting video from Strapping Young Lad.
Don't watch it if you want to wind down.
THIS SHIT IS FULL THROTTLE!
I'm sitting with the laptop on my knees watching this and bashing my feet together franticly.

I

I actually went on a proper detox once.
 I lasted a week and a half,  had a complete mental breakdown and ran crying to KFC.
I will never eat brown rice again.

Apple, ginger, cucumber and spinach juice

2 apples (I like Granny Smith for the tartness) cored and cut into wedges
Quarter cucumber cut into chunks
Half teaspoon fresh minced ginger
Big hand full washed spinach

It's pretty simple really. If you have an electric juicer then just pop everything in and juice.
Otherwise, stick everything in a blender and  whizz until as smooth as possible. You can just drink it like this or pour it through a fine mesh sieve or muslin so you get rid of the bits.

You will feel better. Until your next beer.

When the Gumbo did my infatuation with Pepper Keenan start?

This recipe is in honour of my two favourite things.
Pepper Kennan. Front man and guitarist of Corrosion of Conformity and guitarist in Down, and good down home Southern Louisiana cooking.

(Other things of note which I love are Dolph Lundgren, Columbo, 80's action films, my Viking drinking horn, Mexican wrestling and pork pies. Oh, and vodka).

 To start the story.

I was a young girl, about the age of thirteen/ fourteen, in the bloom of my youth and just starting to get over my Eddie Vedder infatuation.
 I was watching the show Headbangers Ball on MTV which my Granny had kindly videotaped for me (yes, I said videotaped! it was the 90's).
My Gran was deemed posh on the scheme as she was one of the first to get cable.

So there I was watching the likes of Skintrade, Annihilator and Nuclear Assault when a video came on by a band called Corrosion of Conformity. Voting with a bullet to be precise.

There I saw a man.
Not your pretty boy Eddie Vedder type but a MAN!
A big hairy Metal Man by the name of Pepper Keenan.
That was it, my heart was his.




I’d imagine Pepper sitting on an old swing chair on a porch in our run down little shack, basking in the Louisiana sun.
Strumming a tune on his guitar, drinking a cold beer and eating some famous New Orleans (or N’awlins as the locals say) Gumbo that I had cooked for him.

After the gumbo was finished I'd bring him some freshly baked bread pudding which we would share from the same plate, feeding each other while laughing softly.

We’d sip some homemade lemonade laced with bourbon and kiss under the hot moonlit Louisiana sky.
Then he would take my hand and lead me to the bedroom where we would fall into a deep and comforting sleep in each others arms.

My sexual awakening hadn't happened yet. Clearly!

(For the record, I  completely made everything after the "voting with a bullet" video up. Hee hee. But I do write a damn good story don't I? )

You should check out my Mills and Boon tributes on "Jack n coke cupcakes"
http://appetiteofdestructionbook.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/jack-n-coke-cupcakes.html
and "If Mills and Boon wrote recipe reviews".
http://appetiteofdestructionbook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/if-mills-and-boon-wrote-recipe-reviews.html

I'm seriously considering a career as a Romantic novelist.


Here's something else for you to laugh at.
I call it:

An Ode to Good Ol’ Southern Cookin with Pepper

Oh dearest Pepper Keenan ,
You’re the size of a bear
With your big guitar riffs
And Man Metal hair

Your name goes with salt,
 Not sugar or spice
To share all my meals
With you would be nice

I’d make Turtle soup
And shit loads of crab
With Remoulade sauce
In which shrimps you could dab

I’d like to invite you
To eat Gumbo stew
With rice, shrimp and okra
Just me and you

I’ll fry up some Hush Puppies
To have on the side
And after some beers
We can have a good ride (On the St Charles Streetcar you filthy minded beggars)

I forgot about pudding
Now that wouldn’t do
I’ll make Bananas Foster
Just
Yes especially,
 just for you

As I would have said in the 90’s  “SCHWING"



Ok, Ok, here is the recipe then. I hope it is as authentic as it is in N’awlins.


N’awlins Gumbo

This makes a shit load of Gumbo. You canny make a small pot. It’s just not right. Invite people round, give it to your neighbours, the homeless, whomever and celebrate New Orleans style.

Ingredients:

note: This recipe calls for pepper. As in the spice. Please do not kidnap Pepper Keenan and try to cook him in a big pot of gumbo as this may lead to a spoiled stew and a lengthy prison sentance.

This is my Gumbo. Not a very good photo but damn it was tasty.

This is andouille Gumbo from the Gumbo Shop in New Orleans. This is the colour your Gumbo should be,

Andouille sausage (If you can’t get Andouille then you can use chorizo or merguez ) cut into chunky rings about 2cm thick
500g okra washed and stalks cut off
10 Big fat raw tiger prawns de shelled and de veined. (Oh fuck this. It’s NOT a vain. It’s the prawn’s shite pipe. I have no need of being polite, so de shite pipe the prawns).
150g butter
100g flour
2 Green bell peppers diced
6 stalks Celery diced
2 large onions diced
3 bay leaves
1 teaspoon tomato purée
Teaspoon fresh thyme
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
2litres Chicken stock or one chicken stock cube dissolved in 2 litres of boiling water
Couple splashes hot sauce
Big handful chopped fresh parsley
Salt and pepper

First thing you need is a BIG heavy bottomed pot.
Next you need to make your roux.
Put your pot onto a medium heat and plop in the butter. Once melted and starting to bubble slightly add the flour and stir.
Turn heat down to low and cook the roux, stirring every now and then until it is the colour of peanut butter, This will take about 10 to 15 minutes but be patient. It's worth it. Just keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't burn.
When your roux is ready add the smoked paprika, onion, celery and green peppers.
Cook for about 5 minutes stirring every now and then until softened.
Add the sausage and cook for 5 minutes.
Add the okra and cook for a few minutes.
Add the chicken stock, thyme, bay leaves, hot sauce, tomato purée, salt and pepper.
Stir and bring to a simmer.
Cook slowly for about 40 minutes or until the okra is tender.
Plop in the prawns and cook for about 3 minutes. You don't want the prawns to go like rubber.
Take off the heat and add the chopped parsley.
Serve with boiled rice and nice crusty bread.

No, no. It's OK. You don't have to thank me.