Cocktail Monday proudly presents Black Breath

To all of you on "STOPTOBER".

Don't read any further.

And also............... BITE ME!

There's no such thing as "I'm not drinking this month" in the language of a Glaswegian.

Heresy I say, Heresy. 

Unless of course you are a recovering alcoholic. Then fair play to ye.  

So cocktail Monday has returned with a cheeky little recipe involving the nemesis of all civilized nights out. 

JAGERMEISTER!

Ah, Jagermeister. That marvelous little gleaming black shot.
"'I'll just have the one, y'know. To get me in the party mood".

8 shots later and you've got your knickers on your head, you've made best pals with a bunch of Hell's Angels, you've got someone's house plant in your pocket and your dancing like Prince in the middle of the street. 

Not speaking from experience or anything.

I've named this cocktail after the band Black Breath. They are from Seattle (my spiritual home) and sound "Entombedy". That's a new adjective I made up. 

They also seem to have resurrected Cliff Burton from the dead. Oh I'm sorry, are you too young to know who that is??????????







I'm going to do this cocktail recipe in picture form because after a few you won't be able to read anymore.

Disclaimer
Appetite of Destruction takes no responsibility for any damage, criminal activity or loss of limbs due to drinking this cocktail.

Black Breath

You will need

One large glass.

Lots of ice. Polar bear optional.

25ml shot black vodka. Preferably the above brand.

25ml Jagermeister

Half a bottle of alcoholic ginger beer. 

100ml Apple juice

Cocktail umbrella

Enjoy responsibly. Please.

A feast fit for a circle pit.

Well with the new Annihilator album out this year, what better way than to celebrate with a FEAST (get it, get it).

Now most people these days say they don't have a lot of time for cooking.  I say "BULLSHIT"!

Here's my tricks for COOKING FOR A CROWD.

What you want to do is to make life easy for yourself. 
You don't want to be standing in the kitchen all night slaving over a hot stove while your buddies circle pit in your living room. 

No, no. You wanna fling everything in the oven, strap on your spiky armbands and go join in that shit.

Word of advice though....... Don't circle pit in a room with artexing. You'll get skint elbows. 

This recipe is a bung it all in an oven tray and pap it in the oven dish. 
Easy peasy lemon squeasy. 
POOF! and it's done.

Chicken tray bake for a crowd
Feeds 12

You'll need a BIG DEEP oven tray. Ooh Er matron!

Before cooking

After cooking.

Ingredients

12 boneless and skinnless chicken thighs (the best bit of the chicken. Although Hannibal Lector says to go for the Oysters).
3 red onions peeled and cut into wedges
2 x 500g pack baby carrots tops removed
3 punnets cherry tomatoes
500g trimmed green beans halved
1 Kg baby potatoes sliced thinly
4 cloves garlic sliced thinly
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 tablespoon mustard
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 chicken jelly sock cube
300ml water
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil

Heat your oven to 190 degrees or equivalent.
Stick everything in a large oven tray and mix well to make sure everything is coated.
Leave to sit for 15 minutes.

Circle pit.

Pap it in the oven.
Leave for 35 to 40 minutes, stirring every now and then. Make sure the chicken is cooked through. You can circle pit while you wait.

Serve.

Wait 30 minutes then circle pit some more. Don't blame me if you puke.

Machine Head always give good  Circle Pit.

Now I've been in a Machine Head Circle Pit before.
 It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. 
I lost my shoes. 
Once you go in you can't get back out till it stops.
JUST KEEP RUNNING and feel free to scream the entire time. That's what I did.
 Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Is it like licking a goat?

Hello there one and all.

Today's blog is not about a recipe but about a little shop called CHEESE WORKS in Cheltenham.

This shop is amazing. It is a cheese lovers paradise. Full of cheesy wonders, cured meats, bread, olives, wine, chutneys, oils and............... staff who may or may not be slightly terrified of me?????????????

Check out the website http://thecheeseworks.co.uk/

As a leaving Glasgow gift my buddies Pauline and Debbie bought me a £60 voucher for Cheese Works.
That's right. £60!
WOW. My girls know I like my cheese.

Maybe I'm a little bit like Wallace as in Wallace and Gromit?

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese Gromit.

Well, I clutched my vouchers and ran to the shop.
I was a bit over excited about the prospect of all the cheese.
I went in and stood wild eyed for about 20 seconds.
Just long enough I think to make the guys behind the counter think I was slightly unhinged (I am).

The girl made a run for it so it was left to the unlucky handsome young lad to serve me. Mwaaaah ha haaaa.

Well I had no idea what I wanted but "said" unlucky lad was very helpful and went through everything with me.
Damn that boy knew his cheeses.

Here's what I got

Look at the Brie, just LOOK at it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And this was the end result which I shared with Holley. Classy eh?You know it.

Well, I had my last cheese to pick and thought that I quite fancied a goats cheese.
Now I can't remember exactly what I got but the lad suggested one to me but said " If you like it quite goaty, then you'll like this".

My reply? 
I leaned in slowly and asked in my best M&S voice "Is it like licking a goat?" 
After which I flashed him a maniacal smile with raised eyebrows.

He laughed nervously. But didn't answer.

I came back a few weeks later waving more vouchers about and shouted "I'm back". The guy scarpered this time and the girl was left to serve me. She was really nice.

Oh how I  do like to like to make young handsome lads feel uncomfortable.

And I still have some vouchers left. Mwah hahahahahahahahaha!

I have a whole other story about trying to chat up a guy when I worked at the cake shop while wearing  a hair net and pretending I was a Latino inmate at San Quentin trying to sell him some smokes.
I know, I'm a classy burd.

This how I pictured myself in the above scene

The reality of what I probably looked like.

So I am officially a  Goat whore

Here's a video by Goatwhore. Enjoy.

And if you live in Cheltenham or surrounding area, please visit Cheese works. You won't be disappointed.

Tell them I sent ya!

Fear The Milkshake

Well hello there.

It's hot, too hot, damn hot.
The only way I can express how hot I feel is by the video below.





Couldn't have said it better myself.

Regardless. Today's blog is all about milkshake and Fear factory.

Now as my good friend Lynne (the only person who actually reads these things) knows, my mind tends to work in tangents when I'm writing this blog.

It might have something to do with all the coffee I drink while typing.

Here's how my mind usually works during a bloggery session.

Hmmmmmm......... Vikings, I like Vikings, Ooh and pork pies............... um............. (while dancing) "Keyleigh, Is it too late to saaaaay I'm sorreeeeeeeeee". 
Ok, blog. Concentrate. 
Typing, typing, sip some coffee............ How much milk goes in that again? Shit! I've just dropped it on the floor. Hmmmmmmmmm.......must buy more milk (dancing again) "Sad but troooooooooooooooooooo"
Ok, blog. Right.
 Fear Factory milk flingin video.
Aye!

So the video for Fear Factory's Linchipn has this:

Chug a chug guitars - CHECK
Pistons - CHECK
Wind machine - CHECK
Fat guy playing guitar - CHECK
Epic sing along chorus - CHECK
Lots of milk to fling - CHECK

So obviously the first thing I thought of when all the milk flinging was going on was "MILKSHAKE".
And it's hot weather y'know?
A nice cool refreshing milkshake would go down well.
Especially a strawberry, mint and black pepper one. Eh? Eh?
Aye.


Strawberry, mint and black pepper milk shake
For 2 You will need a blender, or food processor

Ingredients

4 scoops good vanilla ice cream
400 ml milk
200 g strawberries fresh or frozen
Sprig mint
Quarter teaspoon cracked black pepper

If you really must you can add 100 ml Chamboard/ Vodka/ white rum/ methylated spirits.

Put everything except the mint into the blender/ food processor.
Take the mint leaves off the sprig and squeesh them up in your hand to bruise them and let the oils start to come out.
Put into the blender.

Put the lid on.

Whizz on medium until smooth.

Pour into frosted glasses and slurp away.

You don't have to dress like the crow or fling it about. Unless you really want to.

Peace out.

Sushi, Power Metal, Sex and Machineguns

Did you think this was another one of my Mills and Boon recipes?
Go on, you did. Didn't you?

Sorry, not this time.
This is my sushi blog.

Now, I'm no sushi master.
I had no Sensei teaching me the subtle art of sushi.
 I did however have a cool Japanese guy called Daichan take some time out of his busy afternoon to teach me a crash course in sushi mastery.

The rest I put down to trial and error.
(note to self: Haggis in sushi is neither fun nor clever).

Below is a video for a band called Sexmachineguns. They are a Japanese fast wheedly, wheedly, wheeeeee kinda band.

It good shit.
Check it out. They pump Iron in the video. AWESOME!





It's actually quite easy to knock up a simple batch of sushi once you know the basics.
You can experiment with loads of different flavours.
NOT haggis though. Trust me.

So below is my easy peasy guide to sushi making Appetite of destruction style.

First we need to start with ingredients.
I just made mines veggie but if you want to use fish then just make sure it is super duper fresh and sustainable of course.

Ingredients

400g sushi rice
2 sheets sushi nori (toasted seaweed sheets)
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon mirin (Japanese sweet seasoning)
pinch salt
1 cucumber deseeded and cut into strips
100g picked radish (mooli) cut into strips
1 avocado sliced thin
2 tablespoons furikake (Japanese sesame seed seasoning)
wasabi to taste

To make your rice you need to rinse it in cold water then soak it in 600 ml cold water for 30 minutes.

Drain the rice put into a pot and add 600 ml fresh cold water and bring to the boil. Cover with lid turn heat down to medium and cook for 10 minutes. DO NOT TAKE THE LID OFF OR STIR.

Remove from heat then sprinkle over the rice vinegar, mirin, salt and furikake, give it a gentle mix then put the lid back on and leave for 15 minutes till cool.

OK, it's easier to follow the diagrammes below than for me to write a HUGE paragraph explaining how to roll sushi.  

Also, covering the sushi matt with cling film helps too.

Scroll down really fast for an action shot. 

Spread the rice mix over the sushi nori in a thin layer leaving a flap at the top. 

This sounds weird but if you lube up your hands with mayonnaise or oil you can spread the rice easier. 

Spread a little wasabi in a line 1/3 of the way up. Or a lot, depending on how macho you think you are. 

lay your strips of vegetables, fish ect. as below.

Fold the end over then using the matt roll the sushi up pulling the matt away from the sushi as you do. Unless you want to eat the sushi matt too. Roll it tightly.

Like so.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Give it a firm squeesh along the matt to make sure it is tight and firm. Ooh er'. 

Sushi log.

Inside out rolls. Same idea, just the other way round

Spread the rice as above, sprinkle with more furikake then flip over.

Rice is now underneath. magic.

Woo hoo. Sushi done. result!

Put the sushi into the fridge to chill for an hour or so then slice using a sharp knife.

Serve with soy sauce, picked ginger and if you wish sweet chilli sauce. You Heathen!

He is the prince of the land called Fife.

I am Angus McFife, from the Clan McFife.
He's the Prince of the land of Fife.

Honestly, this is the best video I've seen in ages. I love a bit of fantasy Power Metal.
Here's a little info to get you started

Scotland - A highland realm of mystery, wonder, and epic battles from an ancient time, shrouded by magical mists. A time of dragons and wizards, and enchanted weapons. These are the legends of the Kingdom of Fife, when the great hero Angus McFife waged an epic war against the evil wizard Zargothrax, to free the people of Dundee in the name of glory and steel. These are the legends of GLORYHAMMER!

The 'Heroic Fantasy Power Metal' band GLORYHAMMER is the new project formed by Christopher Bowes, the mastermind behind pirate-metal sensation ALESTORM, with a desire to explore the more symphonic and epic side of metal. The band's debut concept album 'TALES FROM THE KINGDOM OF FIFE', released in March 2013, is telling a story based in an alternate-history medieval Scotland, where magic and dark sorcery reigns supreme. GLORYHAMMER is a band like no other... PREPARE FOR EPIC BATTLES!

Buy their album out now. Gloryhammer "Tales from the Kingdom of Fife".
 Do it. No really, here's the link

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Kingdom-Fife-Gloryhammer/dp/B00B4JIV48/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1373985335&sr=1-1&keywords=gloryhammer






I've been to the Kingdom of Fife a few times.
My Granny used to live there.
I went on caravan holidays there, got nits at said caravan holiday.
 I drank unlimited cups of juice at the Woollen Mill. A concept unheard of in Scotland at that time (the 80's, you got nothin for free, not even milk).
I had amazing Ice cream in St Andrews, played on the beach and swam in the North Sea. Very cold.
Aye, the kingdom of Fife is a bonny wee place Ken?

In honour of my Scottish heritage I'll give you a wee recipe for one of our National dishes

Mince  and Tatties

This is a cheap as chips meal involving everything Scottish people love.

Mince

Tatties

Carrots and peas

Buckfast

A ha, I'm only kidding about the Buckfast. maybe?


This recipe is easy peasy. It's enough for four. So it is by the way. Ken?

Ingredients

500g lean beefy mince
1 small onion diced
1 large carrot peeled and diced
100g fresh or frozen peas
200ml water
1 beef jelly stock cube
Salt and pepper
Splash Worcestershire sauce
splash vegetable oil

Enough potatoes for 4 people I don't know how much potato you like?
Splash milk
Big knob butter
salt and pepper

Peel, wash and cut your potatoes into chunks and put into a pan of cold water with a little salt and put on to boil.
Boil for about 20 minutes or until potatoes are fork tender.

While the potatoes are cooking get your mince on the go.

In a large pot heat a splash of oil on medium and add the onion and carrot. Cook without colouring for about 5 minutes until slightly softened. Add the mince and cook stirring every now and then till browned through.

Add the jelly stock cube, water, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer and cook uncovered for about 30 minutes until you have a thick sauce. Add the peas and cook through for a few minutes.

Drain the potatoes and mash with a splash of milk, butter, salt and pepper. Serve piping hot with the mince.
I like to mix it all up. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I must break you!

This blog post today is dedicated to my hero, my muse, my father figure and my all time favourite action man of ALL time. 

Dolph Lundgren

Now, what the hell does Dolph Lundgren have to do with Heavy Metal I hear you say?
Well, don't worry pal. I'll get to that in a minute.

But first let me just give you a run down of the reasons why I love Dolph so much.
My friends think I'm weird, I don't care. I will defend his honour to the death.
But here is my list.

1. He's a very good actor (see, The Punisher, The final Enquiry, Dark Angel, One in the Chamber).
2. He's a big hulking man machine.
3. He's a really nice guy, can take fun of himself and is not a Hollywood  Douche. See below.

3. He is a smart cookie. With a Degree in Chemical engineering.

4. He's shit hot at martial arts.

5.  He stars in Showdown in little Tokyo which is one of the best buddy films ever made. Dolph Lundgren an Brandon Lee invented "Bromance".

6. Dolph, is an actor, writer , producer and director. A hard working man.

7. Dolph doesn't need to jump off planes, destroy jet fighters with cars, use massive guns, fly through the flippin air or do stupid unbelievable stunts. 

He fights with his mitts. 

Like a real man.

8. Dolph is responsible for my mantra in life for whenever I'm in a tight spot .

 "What would Dolph do"?  

9. He is one of the most memorable action stars of all time. 
He was the  first guy to play The Punisher, so good that his quote from The Punisher was used in Biohazards video for "Punishment".
See, that's where the Heavy Metal angle comes in. Aaaah!

10. Whenever I feel crappy I put on a Dolph film and it cheers me right up.

If I were ever to meet the man in person I would say ""Thank you".

Thank you Dolph because in a strange way, having never met you, you have made my life better by being in it. 

Anyhoooooooo, so this is a foodie blog yes? I keep forgetting this.

So in honour of The Man, the Legend that is Mr Dolph Lundgren  I have named a cocktail for him.

I call it             The Lundgrenberry Punisher

This recipe uses Lingonberry juice (see what I did there with the name, Eh? Eh?)

Lingonberries are native to Dolph's neck of the woods. That's Sweden by the way.
 They are similarish to blueberries. So if you are finding it difficult to get a hold of some lingonberry juice you
can substitute it for blueberry juice.

Get yourself a big pint glass and fill it with ice then add the following, give it a good stir then get it doon ye'.

25ml Vodka
250ml sweet cider,  Recorderlig wild berries is very good with this but you could just use a normal sweet apple cider
100ml Lingonberry juice

Here's a weird photo

Enjoy.