Yeah, Christmas Is Awesome!

Hello one and all. I hope you are having a very joyful festive season so far.
I have a question for you.
What makes Christmas even more awesome than it already is.
COCKTAILS!
 Woo woo. Christmas cocktails. Oh what, oh what shall I make? Shall I check the deep dark depths of my drinks cupboard to see what's in there? (Note: this is not the Narnia cupboard. People who actually read my blog will know what this means. Hee hee.That's you Lynne).
Hmmmmmmmmmm, now let's see. Ooh, is that a tumble weed I see. I have some vodka, nashi pear wine,  a beer?????
No, no. this won't do. I need to make a little trip to the shops.

Here's an awesome Christmas video for you to watch while I nip out.
Thanks to Holley for introducing me to the delight that is Reuben - Christmas is awesome. Yey.





Stollen Cocktail


25ml Amaretto
25ml spiced rum
teaspoon soft brown sugar
Ice

Muddle the brown sugar with the rum and Amaretto till the sugar dissolves. Add ice cubes and sip in front of a warm log fire. Or your radiator.

Christmas Pud Cocktail 


This will serve 2 -4 people. Depending on how drunk you want to get.


25ml Spiced rum
25ml Drambuie
25ml Brandy
1 can Guinness

Mix together in a jug then pour into glasses.

Winter Hot Toddy


25ml  Whisky
25ml Cointreau
1 teaspoon heather honey
1 Chai tea bag
Fresh orange wedge

Make the Chai tea in a large mug or Coffee glass. Take out the tea bag, add the whisky, Cointreau and heather honey. Squeeze in the juice from the orange wedge, stir and sip the cold away.

My Spicy Mulled Wine

2 bottles red wine
small knob fresh ginger sliced finely
1 red chilli sliced up the middle, seeds removed
100ml Cherry brandy
1 orange sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anis
1 bay leaf
5 cloves
100g soft brown sugar

Stick everything in a big pot. Heat until warm. Not too warm that you burn your mouth mind. Stir every now and then making sure that sugar is dissolved. Best served in mugs shaped like boots. Oh yes.

Have a very Metaltastic Christmas.

Christmas time, mistletoe and wine.

Hello folks,
Yes, it's that time of year again. CHRISTMAS.
Deck your halls with crap loads of tacky decorations. Put up your Christmas tree. Drink hot Mulled wine and listen to Cliff Richard........... Wait, scrap that. Listen to this instead.



I have no idea what the video is all about.

This years Christmas blog is all about THE GIFTS. If like me you hate going shopping and fighting your way through the angry "Oh look at me, I left it really late to get gifts and now I'm taking it out on the whole world because I'm a lazy shit" people.
Well, then you can make these tasty food treats in the comfort of your own home while blasting Heavy Metal so loud that you can taste it in the food. Yeah, go on. Taste the METAL!

So this year I'm making Jack n Coke truffles, Frangipan mince pies, Roast cherry tomato and chilli chutney and Bacon and maple Bourbon (yes I know it sounds weird but just wait till you try it).

But first things first. Here's a wee poem for you to get you in the Christmas spirit.

Rock n Roll Santa (taken from www.heavymetalgeek.com)

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,

There sifted the smell of beefy stew and roast Grouse.

The stockings were hung, with blue tak on the wall,

And no one was thinking of Santa at all.

I was warm and cosy and snug in my bed,

While too much mulled wine swam around in my head.

With my warm winter jammies and red Santa cap,

I curled up like a baby for a long winter's nap.

When outside the window there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed, bat in hand, heads to shatter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Pulled open the window, was ready to smash (like the hulk).

It was pure dark outside and all covered in snow,

The fluster and wine gave my cheeks quite a glow.

When what to my bleary eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer (WTF).

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment I was gonna be sick.

Clearly I'm mad, seeing things in the snow,

Mini Santa shouted and whistled,  my head hurting in woe.

"Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen,

On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".

It made me so mad to be woken at all,

Don't care if you're Santa, this aint making my lol (crap text speak).

Dry leaves got scattered as they started to fly,

Leaves came through the window and got in my eye.

So up to the top of the house Santa flew,

With me shouting behind him "I'm gonna kill you".

And then in an instant, I heard on the roof,

The banging and scratching of each bloody hoof.

I sneaked with my bat to the living room bound,

And there stood St Nick, breaking and entering, no sound.

He was dressed all in fur, oh what a faux pas,

So you can afford all the real stuff, well La bloody Dah!

A bundle of toys, he had flung on his back,

Do I look like I'm 5, I'm gonna smother him with his sack.

His eyes, they were beady, his nostrils all hairy,

With his big ruddy face, he looked kinda scary.

He'd clearly been eating, too many pies,

Obese you may say, what a sight for the eyes.

He went straight for my mince pies, and gave out a laugh,

If he takes one more step, Santa will suffer my wrath.

With a wink in his eye and a twist of his head,

I bashed him over the skull. I was sure he was dead.

He spoke not a word and I gave him a kick,

Yup he's a gonner,  better bury the body quick.

I pulled him by the feet and buried him well,

I better get those reindeer too, oh bloody hell!

Well the next day at dinner, I served up the stew,

"what's this", they all said. "It's reindeer, the recipe's new".

They ate it all up with such sheer delight,

That'll teach Santa. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

So where's Santa?

Hee, hee, hee. Or should I say Ho, Ho, Ho.

I'm only kidding Santa. I love you really. Oh by the way, here's my list for this year. I promise I have been a very, very good girl.

Dear Santa,

Please may I have for Christmas this year

Big spiky Metal armbands like Kerry King's

A snazzy new camera to take pictures for my blog

A big black hotrod with flames up the side , and last but not least

Pepper Keenan circa 1993. Oh hell, you might as well throw in Eddie Vedder too.

Thanks Santa. I love you.

OK, so on with the recipes.

Jack and Coke truffles

Makes about 40

Ingredients:

50g dulce de leche (or tinned caramel)

250g semi sweet dark chocolate

50g unsalted butter

100ml Jack n Coke (from ready to drink can, so handy)

100ml double cream

For dusting

50g cocoa powder

50g toasted crushed pecans

Put your dark chocolate, dulce de leche and butter into a large heatproof bowl.

Put the double cream and Jack n coke into a pot and heat until just before boiling.

Pour the cream and jack mix into the bowl of chocolate and mix until everything is smoooooooth.

Leave to cool for 10 minutes and then put into the fridge.

Leave until set enough that it is still soft enough to roll into a ball. 

This is the bit where it gets messy. 

Put the 50g cocoa powder and crushed pecans into a bowl and mix.

Scoop out enough choc mix to make a small ball. 

Dust your hands with extra cocoa and roll the chocolate into balls then roll into the cocoa, pecan mix till coated. Once your chocolates are all rolled, pack into nice boxes and store in da fridge till you give em out.

They won't last a day once they are given out. Yeehaw.

Don't mess with this Santa.

Bacon and Maple Bourbon

The recipe pretty much involves putting lots of lovely smokey flavour into the Bourbon and best bit of all is you get to eat all the bacon while you are making the Bourbon. Yum, Yum.

One bottle off good Bourbon

100ml Maple syrup

1 pack (about 12 slices) very good quality smoked streaky bacon

Coffee filter or muslin

OK, first you want to put the Bourbon into a big jug or bowl and whisk in the maple syrup. Keep your bottle.

Cook off your bacon in a pan or oven tray under the grill then pour ALL the fat into the Bourbon. Eat the bacon.

Leave for a few hours then store in the freezer over night.

Next day put the muslin or coffee filter paper into a funnel and pour the Bourbon back into the bottle, bit by bit. Have a little taste then put the lid back on. And make up your own label to put on the bottle.

This is excellent over ice or with ginger beer. Mmmmmmmmm.

Frangipan mince pies

Makes 24

Ingredients:

for the pastry

420g plain flour

300g cold unsalted butter cubed

50g icing sugar

50g caster sugar

2 large eggs

For the Frangipan

220g soft unsalted butter

300g ground almonds

300g caster sugar

4 large eggs

50g flaked almonds

400g jar good quality mincemeat 

Demerara sugar

You will need  two 12 hole deep muffin tins.

To make the pastry put all the ingredients except the eggs into a food processor and whizz on med till it looks like bread crumbs. (if you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour and sugar with your fingertips till you get a breadcrumb consistency, whisk the eggs then mix lightly into flour and mix until just incorporated).

Add the eggs and pulse till the dough just comes together.

Flour your work surface and put the dough on top and knead lightly until smooth. leave for a few minutes.

Grease your muffin tins lightly (I used oil spray).

Flour your work surface and rolling pin and roll the dough till about 3mm thick.

Cut out 5inch rings and press lightly into each muffin mould. 

You will need to lightly knead your scraps all roll out to get the 24.

Put into the fridge. You do not need to pre bake the cases for this recipe.

To make the frangipan, put the butter, ground almonds and sugar into a food processor and whizz on medium until smooth. while whizzing add the eggs one at a time and whizz till smooth. Put into a tub and leave in the fridge for 15 minutes. 

To make the frangipan by hand just mix the butter, sugar and almonds together with a wooden spoon till smooth. Add eggs one at a time beating till incorporated before adding each egg.

Pre heat your oven to 160 degrees fan, or 180 degrees or equivalent.

Take your pastry cases out the fridge and pop a teaspoon of mincemeat into each and flatten.

Place a tablespoon of frangipan into each case and level. top each mince pie with a few flaked almonds and sprinle over some demerara sugar. 

Bake in the oven for about 30 minutes until nice and golden brown on top.

Leave to cool on a wire rack then package. Eat within 5 days. Alternatively, you can freeze them for up to 3 months.

Roast Cherry tomato and Chilli Chutney

All I can say is this chutney is AWESOME!

Ingredients:

600g good quality cherry tomatoes

1 small onion diced fine

Half teaspoon dried chilli flakes

Quarter teaspoon cumin seeds

Quarter teaspoon corriander seeds

100g caster sugar

100ml red wine vinegar

big hand full fresh corriander

salt and pepper

Small glug olive oil

Pre heat your oven to 220 degrees or equivalent. Put a wee bit of oil into a roasting tray, pop in your cherry tomatoes and roast until soft and turning a little bit brown . About 20 minutes.

Get yourself a heavy bottomed pan add the olive oil and heat on medium. Add the chilli flakes, corriander and cumin seeds and cook for a minute or two till fragrant. Do not burn.

Add the diced onions and cook for a few minutes stirring every now and then till softened.

Add the cherry tomatoes, red wine vinegar, caster sugar, salt and pepper. Mix.

Bring to a low simmer and cook for about 40 minutes, stirring every now and then until thickened. You want a consistency that's a bit runnier than chutney as it will thicken as it cools. 

Chop the corriander and mix through the chutney then put into steralised jars while hot and seal.

Leave for a few days. 

This will keep for a year unopened. Once opened store in the fridge and use within 3 months.

It goes with everything. EVERYTHING!

Ich Liebe Scones.

Ich Liebe Scones translates in German as I Love Scones.
This here recipe is for Britta.

Britta is from Germany and has been living it up Caledonian style for a few years but alas, has left this green, wet, windy land and headed off to Austria with the moggies and her lovely big dog Dex. We miss you Britta.
Britta asked me before she left if I could give her a recipe for scones and as usual I took my bloody time getting round to it.

Here you go Britta.

So below you'll find a recipe for lovely jammy blueberry scones. If you can't get blueberries then you can use other berries or dried fruits.

Let me know how the scones work out Britta and hope you are settling in well.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX sending you flying kisses over the ether. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

As usual I have added a little song for you to muse over. This is from Pungent Stench who are from Austria.

The views and opinions used in this video have got nowt at all to do with me.



Blueberry Scones

makes about 12

500g self raising flour
180g caster sugar
110g cold butter diced
300ml buttermilk (If you can't get buttermilk then you can use 200ml of natural yoghurt mixed with 100ml milk)
1 punnet fresh blueberries washed and drained (or 200g dried fruit)
Pinch salt

Heat the oven to 220 degrees or equivalent
Put the flour, butter and salt into a food processor and pulse till it resembles bread crumbs (If you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs)
Put this mix into a large bowl, add the sugar and mix.
Add the buttermilk and mix lightly until incorporated.
Flour your work surface and tip the dough onto it.
Knead very lightly until the dough just comes together. If you over knead it, the gluten will turn elastic and your scones will be pure rubbish.
Roll out with a rolling pin to about 2cm thick and cut out the scone shapes with a floured round cutter.
Place onto a floured baking tray and bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until risen and golden.
The blueberries swell up and burst during the cooking and make the scones all jammy. Mmmmmmm.

I would do anything for Meatloaf. But I won't do that. Nah naaaaaaw.

I had to do it at one point didn't I? Ye canne beat a bit of Meat Loaf.
Slag him as you may but Meatloaf  sure writes a great Rock song.

Now I'm not from America so I never ate meatloaf as a child. But I did have some excellent meatloaf in Seattle once. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

 I grew up on mince n tatties, spicy mince, lasange,well basically anything that could be made with mince. Yes, my mother was a big fan of ground up cow. I guess it was cheap, we were poor and  she was bringing up twins in the desolate ghetto of Possil Park. " .....can you the violins calling your name".

Regardless of that. Now the weather is fair drawing in, it's time for comfort food and what's better than a plate of steaming hot meat loaf with mashed potato and gravy. Yum, yum yum.

Pauline's Mum kindly gave me this recipe. Thank you very much. I ate it for four days running.
I've tweaked a couple of the ingredients as I can't help myself. It's in my cheffy nature but mostly it's the exact same recipe.






Meatloaf by Pauline's Mum

Serves 4 greedy portions

1 or 2lbs mince

1 grated carrot

1 finely chopped onion

1 cup breadcrumbs

1 large egg

dollop ketchup (optional)

garlic

paprika

pepper

(or whatever seasonings preferred)

Put everything in a large bowl and mix it all in using hands. Just keep mixing and kneading until it all comes together then put it on a board and slap it around and shape it into a loaf.

then put it into a roasting tray (not a loaf tin).

Before putting in the oven boil some water and mix with some cooking oil and pour over the top of the loaf. You might need to do this again half way through cooking if it starts to look dry.

put it in oven at 190 for approx 1 hr 15 mins. When cooked leave sitting for about 15/20 mins then you should be able to cut it in slices. 

My bit now......

Mashed potato

4 to 6 large potatoes (Maris Piper are good)
50g butter
Splash milk
Pinch salt and white pepper
Pinch ground nutmeg

Peel and wash your potatoes and cut into large chunks.
Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil then pop in the potatoes.
Cook for about 15 to 20 minutes until potatoes are tender but not overcooked.
Drain and leave to sit for 2 minutes.
Add the rest of the ingredients then mash away to your hearts content.

Mushroom gravy

I cheated and bought a large tub of fresh beef gravy as I was feeling very lazy. So........

1 large tub fresh beef gravy
2 large flat cap or Portabello mushrooms sliced
Small splash vegetable oil
Splash milk

Put  the oil into a pot and put onto a medium heat. Add the mushromms and cook for a few minutes until softened but still with a bit of a bite.
Add the gravy and milk, bring to the boil then serve over the meatloaf and mashed potatoes.



While the meatloaf is cooking peel and wash enough potatoes for 4 people and cut into large chunks.

Just one more thing!

Hallo everyone.
It's been a while I know. I've been a busy little bee, working, working, working away.
I didn't forget you all. I have a few wee treats for ya.

But on with the bloggery.
As many who know me will tell,
I LOVE Columbo.

Not the man of course but the TV show. I am the proud owner of the complete box set. Every episode ever made including specials and even a few episodes of Mrs Columbo, staring Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager. No joke. I watch an episode every day.
Columbo is a part of my every day life and I was deeply, deeply saddened by Peter Falks death this year. So sad that I lay in bed for a week clutching my box set, smoking cigars and crying like a baby. Well, not really, I just had a Columboathon instead.

Now you might ask what Columbo has to do with Heavy Metal cooking. Well, nothing! This is purely a food inspired tribute to the man and character who has brought joy to my life. I love Columbo so much
I'm dressing as him for Halloween. Oh yes.

Believe it or not, food plays a part in quite a lot of Columbo episodes. You'll find Columbo making omelets, eating ice cream, hard boiled eggs that he's pulled out from his pocket, hot dogs and fancy restaurant food. In fact, there is a whole episode revolving around a deadly chef called "Murder under Glass".
Here is a clip of The man in action.




Columbo ALWAYS knows you did it!

Now here is a trivia question.
What is Columbo's favourite food?
Chilli. Columbo loves chilli and he eats it in every other episode.

See?
So as a tribute to the man and legend. I shall honour him with my own Columbo loves chilli recipe.
Now, I'm not sure if this is the type of chilli that Columbo would have eaten but I think he would have liked it. It's got beer and chocolate in it. Yeah you heard right. The beer and chocolate make this chilli rich and super tasty. In fact, I would go so far as the say it's "Cillicious". Hee hee.

I used Innis and Gunn oak aged beer as it tastes of caramel. Yum, yum. Buy it.

So here you go RIP Peter Falk. You may be gone but Columbo will always be with us.

Columbo Loves Chocolate and Beer Chilli

Ingredients

500g lean minced beef
100g chorizo diced
1 onion diced
4 cloves garlic minced
500g passata
1 bottle Innis and Gunn oak aged beer
1 teaspoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
Half teaspoon cayenne pepper (if you like your chiili hot then add another half teaspoon)
Half teaspoon chilli powder
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 teaspoon dark thick soy sauce
50g good quality 70% dark chocolate
Splash vegetable oil
Pinch salt and pepper

Get yourself a big pot, add a splash of vegetable oil and put onto a medium high heat.
Add your onion and garlic and cook for a few minutes until softened. Add the chorizo and cook for a few minutes until the smokey paprika oil starts to come out.   
Add the oregano, cumin, cayenne and chilli powder and cook for one minute.
Add your beef and cook till browned all over and broken up.
Add the tomato paste and cook for one minute.
Add the beef jelly stock cube, soy sauce, passata, chocolate and the bottle of Innis and Gunn.
Stir and bring to a simmer and cook for about 40 minutes to one hour, stirring every now and then until sauce is nice and thick. Add as much salt and pepper as you like then serve with rice or over potato wedges with some sour cream and cheese. Or if you want to do it like Columbo then eat it with some saltine crackers.

Oh and  just one more thing.....................

Sweet Cherry Pie

Hallo everyone.
In honour of the passing yesterday of Warrant's lead singer I dedicate this recipe to him and his family and friends.

Now, I know Warrant are about as far removed from Heavy Metal as Barak Obama is from becoming the next Grand Wizard of the KKK but the song is so dang catchy.

Sing it with me now. You know the words

She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face 
Ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pieeeeeeeee
Yeah, yah, huh, ow, huh, yeah (and other random noises)


Just a thought. But during the song writing process, at what point do they decide "I think a huh and an ow would work really well in this section" ?????????

Here's the recipe

Cherry (and Blueberry) and Chocolate Pie

Add caption

You will need a 9" tart or pie tin and baking beans or dried pulses for blind baking the pastry

Ingredients
400g ready to roll puff pastry
350g pitted fresh cherries (use frozen when not in season)
250g fresh blueberries (again, use frozen if not in season)
100g good quality dark chocolate
2 tablespoons caster sugar
Juice of one orange
Tablespoon kirsch or cherry brandy
2 teaspoons cornflour
1 egg yolk beaten with a splash of water
Flour for dusting

Pre heat your oven to 180 degrees or equivalent

First you want to make the filling for your pie.
Get a big pot and fling in the cherries, blueberries, orange juice, caster sugar and kirsch.
Put onto a medium heat and bring to a simmer. Cook stirring every now and then for about 10 to 15 minutes, until the blueberries have burst a bit and mix is looking a bit jammy. You still want to see whole cherries and blueberries in it so don't over cook. Mix the cornflour to a paste with a splash of water, add to the pot and stir for one minute until sauce thickens.
Take off the heat and leave to cool.

Dust your tin with some flour then dust your work top lightly with flour.
Plop your puff pastry onto your work surface and roll out to fit the size of your tin. Making sure you have pastry left for the top.
Carefully lay the pastry into your tin. Don't worry if it tears a little as you can patch it up with some extra pastry.
Line the inside with tin foil and pour in your baking beans or dried pulses ( I used dried broth mix as that was all I had in my cupboard).
Pop the tin into the oven and bake for 15 minutes.
Take the tin foil out and brush the bottom with some of the beaten egg. Put back into the oven for another 5 to 10 minutes until the pastry is flaky and golden.
Take out of the oven, leave to cool for 5 minutes then push the base of the pastry down so it is flattened and not puffy.
Grate the chocolate over the base then top with the cherry mixture.
On a floured work surface roll the rest of your pastry into strips and lay in a criss cross pattern on top of the pie. Brush with the beaten egg then pop back into the oven for about 20 minutes until filling is hot and pastry on top is nice and golden.
Serve with ice cream.

Space Lord Muther F**ker

Bleep..... bleep.....bleepbleep...........

This is Captain Angela of the starship Appetite of Destruction........ Bleep.......Calling from somewhere in the.... bleep....bleep.... Negasonic Quadrant.

Our Mission.To boldly go where Monster Magnet have gone before. To explore new music and recipes. To forge Metal alliances and friendships on the way and to rock till our socks pop off.
Bleep......bleep......bleep.
Transmission over......bleep........




Chocolate chip rocket ships

Ingredients
5 oz plain flour
1 oz cornflour
4oz soft butter
2 oz caster sugar
Half tsp vanilla extract
Big hand full chocolate chips
Baking or greaseproof paper
Rocket shaped cookie cutter

For decoration
Cornflour
Seedless raspberry jam
Coloured fondant icing
Edible cake glitter

You can get the last two ingredients from cake baking supply shops or order online from Squires
http://www.squires-shop.com/ibf/index.php?p=home&loc=GB

 Preheat your oven to 175 degrees (155 for fan oven) or equivalent

First, using an electric mixer, hand held or bowl, cream the butter and sugar together till light and fluffy.

Sieve in the flour and cornflour and pour in the vanilla, mix on low until just incorporated.

Flour your work surface and pop the shortbread mix onto it. Add the choc chips and knead lightly until pliable enough to roll out.

Re flour your work surface and with a rolling pin, roll out the dough to about a quarter inch thick.

Line a baking tray with baking paper. Cut out your rocket shapes and lay, spaced (har har) out onto the tray.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes until just slightly golden around the edges. Take out of oven and leave to cool.

Spread the biscuits with a thin layer of the jam.

Dust your work surface with a little corn flour then roll out your colours and cut out to match the shapes in the photograph or you can alter them to look how ever you want. When iced, sprinkle with the edible glitter.

Kids will love these. I guess. I just like making stuff that looks cool.

Whoosh!

Oodles of Noodles

Here is a picture of the cake I made for my twinny, twin, twin on her/my  Birthday. And yes, it is all completely edible and I made it all myself with my own tiny hands.

She really, REALLY likes noodles.

Here's a video. The guitarist is called "Noodles". Go figure.

Soleless. No, this is not a spelling mistake.

Hallo there my friends.

I was reliving my youth the other day You Tube stylee and was watching loads of videos of bands that I used to listen to when I was a chubby faced youngster.

I found this little ditty from a band called Grave.





Now. You would probably assume from this video that I was a very angry young child? Far from it. I was quite shy and well mannered. Not like now. No one really sees the real  me. But when I'm alone and Pauline is at work I pop on a Frank Sinatra CD, corpse paint myself up, windmill hair and bad disco dance. Does that sound like something an angry person would do?

You will need to watch the video in order to get this next bit.

In my Dominion
I control who eats
I am the burning flame
On which food, you will heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!!!

Unlike Grave, my food is full of sole........... Hee hee. Get it? Get it?
So here is a recipe for some simple sole food. Mwa ha ha.
 Oh yeah. There is no photo of this so you'll just have to take me on my word that I made it.
Anyway, here is an amusing photo for you

Amazing German fashion. This was in 2005

Pan fried Sole with a brown butter and caper sauce and wilted spinach for 2

Ingredients
4 fillets of super fresh sole or lemon sole
150g salted butter cut into cubes
1 lemon
handfull capers rinsed and drained
Small bag baby spinch washed
Small glug vegetable or olive oil
You shouldn't need salt for this recipe as the butter and capers should be salty enough.

Get yourself a big frying pan and put onto a medium high heat. Add the the oil and a knob of the butter and heat until the butter just starts to bubble

Lay your fillets into the pan skin side down and cook for two minutes or until skin is crispy.

Turn over and cook for another minute or two until just cooked. Sole is a very delicate fish so it doesn't need a lot of cooking. Put the fillets onto two warmed plates and cover with tin foil.

Add the rest of your butter to the pan and melt and heat till it bubbles and is starting to go slightly brown at he edges. Be carefull not to burn. Squeeze in the lemon juice and add the capers. Put in your spinach, mix and cook till the spinach has just wilted.

Take off the heat, take the tin foil off your plates, stick half the spinach onto each plate then pour the butter sauce over the fish. Serve immedietly.

Enjoy.

THE MOST AWESOME BAND TO EVER EXIST ON THIS EARTH

Hallooooooooo there.
This post today has absolutely nothing to do with food
 I just want you to check out this band.
They are called Earthtone9 and they are the best band on the planet. I get goosebumps when I listen to the music. No joke.
You can have your Metallica, your Slayer, your Pantera. These guys are MY band of choice. I love them so much I might weep. Or maybe windmill hair? But I've only done that once and it hurt real bad.
Please check out their tunes and give them your support and buy stuff from them so they can keep going and make me happy.
It is all about me after all.

http://www.earthtone9.co.uk/free.php







Yeeeeeeeeeeeeey!

HAMMERFEAST Part III - The final chapter.

So, Saturday night yeah? It's still going.
We saw loads of bands this night but by far the best was Entombed.



I was really excited about seeing them as I loved them when I was younger.
They played a great set but I was a wee bit disappointed that they didn't play Hollowman.

Hollowman video  http://youtu.be/2EUl-MTftsg

Well me and Arlene sneaked off at one point to get some more "dancin juice" from the chalet.
On the way we met to young men who were giving us a bit of funny banter. We had a chat and a giggle then something happened.
Out of the thick Welsh mist there came a Man!
A hulking, Norse looking, Metal Man with long flowing blond hair, big broad shoulders and a Metal strut to die for. The two guys we had been talking to turned and fled. Myself and Arlene stood there clutching each other in fear.
The Metal Man approached.
He was Welsh by the way. We struck up a conversation, told him about my blog while he bellowed and laughed like Brian Blessed.
I decided to start filming him on my camera as he was crazy.
He sang a whole Alestorm http://youtu.be/ta-Z_psXODw song for us in Welsh, told me his favourite food is a type of Welsh that I cannot pronounce as I was a wee bit Merry by this point. He then picked me up (while I was still filming him) tried to dry hump me then run off with me. I screamed, my sister screamed, he put me down then disappeared back into the mist.
The video didn't work. Gutted.
We named him "Crazy Welsh Alestorm cheese guy".
We had a little tipple then headed back to the stage to get our friends.
We met Krusher from Raw Power and Noisy Mothers fame.

We cornered him in the puggy room, gave him some Rocky Road and had a nice little chat.
He was a very nice man and said he thought the blog was a great idea and wished me the best of luck with it. I nearly got all teary.
Oh, just for the record. women love free chocolate. Men? Not too receptive, unless your name is Krusher.

So I was going to do some sort of cheesy Welsh Tart type thing for this recipe but since I can't remember the name of the cheese Crazy Welsh Alestorm cheese guy was talking about, I'll just do a cocktail instead.

Dark and Stormy

1 shot dark rum  (Krachen is very good)
1 bottle William's Brothers alcoholic ginger beer
100ml coke
Big wedge lime
Loads of ice
 Put everything except the time into a tall glass, squeeze the lime juice in and pop in the lime.
Stir with a small leek.
This is very strong. Be warned.

We had a great last night and I will definitely be going back to Hammerfest next year. Whoot.

HAMMERFEAST Part II - A new Dawn

Day two at Hammerfest.
Woke up with a not too bad hangover and feeling quite refreshed regardless of the fact that i got woken up at 3am to the sound of people shagging on the grass at the back of the chalet.
All I can say is "GET SOME CLASS" and stop interupting my Pepper Kennan dreams.
Anyhoo, I made a batch of Rocky Road at home to take down and hand out to people to convince them to take my flyers. Bribery works by the way.



Not much to look at but tastes great



He liked the Rocky Road too much



Little parcels of Joy

When we eventually left the Chalet we headed down to see some bands.
We were walking through the crowd and I looked over at the stage and it was like a magnet had just pulled me over. It was a band called Svart Crown http://www.myspace.com/svartcrown

The singer was a fine specimen of manly Metalness.



Shwing!

( For the record, I don't just listen to bands because I fancy someone. I like Death Before Dishonour for God's sake).
I looked over at Britta and we both had a little glint in our eyes.
We stayed to watch to watch to whole set. I circle pitted on my own which basically involved me spinning around in a circle with my arms up in the air and shouting "wheeeeeeeeeeee".
I also realised at this point that I was the only person in the building not wearing BLACK. Oops.
Svart Crown did lots of windmill hairing. I love watching people doing that.

                                              http://www.youtube.com/embed/dNUTMq_fcO8

After watching a few more bands and mulling around for a bit we retired back to the chalet for some pre drink food.
Then we broke out "The HORN".



Toot.

I love my Viking Drinking horn. I even drink tea out of it.
I shall not discuss what was in the "HORN" but let's just say Glaswegians call it "Dancin Juice".
So as you can imagine the second night was a bit more messy. Here is evidence of said messyness.





We like pulling the Horns



More Horns



Angry horns



Horns, horns, horns



I have no idea what happened here

Lesley thinks Arlene is a giant ice cream



I should probably ask permission before I put photos up of my friends????

My sister knows the Drummer of Attica Rage from Glasgow who we were there to support.
Check em out.

http://en-gb.facebook.com/atticarage




Oh yeah, here's my recipe for Rocky Road. I gibber on so much that sometimes I forget what I'm supposed to be doing

Rocky Road for the Metal Masses

Makes a lot

Ingredients

500g good quality milk chocolate
100g crushed biscuits. I used hob nobs
100g mini marshmallows
200g dried morello cherries or glace cherries
100g toasted pecans chopped roughly
Sprinkles for the top

Put your crushed biscuits, marshmallows, cherries and pecans into a big mixing bowl.
Melt the chocolate in a heat proof bowl over a pan of simmering water making sure the water does not touch the bottom of the bowl.
Alternatively, melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl in the microwave on medium at 1 minute at a time then stirring,  making sure not to burn the chocolate.
Pour the melted chocolate into the bowl with the other ingredients and mix well.
Pour into a foil or greased container. Flatten out so it's all even. Sprinkle your sprinkles on top and put in the fridge for a few hours to set.
Cut into bite sized chunks and serve.

HAMMERFEAST part I. The journey begins.

Hallo there everyone.  
So, as I said quite a few blogs ago I went down with my sister, Torsten and Britta to the Hammerfest Metal music festival down in Wales on March 18th and 19th.
http://www.hammerfest.co.uk/
I had a jolly good time. I watched loads of bands and met lots of nice people.
Hammerfest is an annual Metal music festival which is held in a Pontins Holiday Park in Prestatyn down in Wales.
You get to stay in a chalet and all the gigs are held in the main building. Which is good for me as I am a festivalaphobe. I know, I know. What kind of true Metal fan doesn't like getting down and dirty camping at the big music festivals like Download, Waken, Bloodstock etc? Well, I'm sorry but I never have and never will CAMP. I'm not a vain person. I just like to be clean and I like my home comforts too much.
Back to the story.
Imagine being in a twee holiday camp surrounded by thousands of Metal fans all clad in black. It's great.
A weird thing happens though, and I guess it happens at most Metal festivals too.
Somewhere in the distance and at regular intervals, you will hear the roar of one or a few of the male of the species. Wether this is a gathering call, a mating call or just a call to warn the lesser males to flee the alpha males domain, who knows? It amuses me to no end though and I sometimes join in. Just for fun.
A few of the bands we saw were Man's Ruin, Turisas, Svart Crown, Satyricon, Attica Rage, Accept and Entombed. I love Entombed.
Check em out when you get the chance.
Before I headed down to Hammerfest I got myself some swanky, black, double sided flyers made to take down and hand out to the punters. (A big thank you to Arlene, Torsten, Nicola and Lesley for helping me hand them out. Love you guys).
What better place to advertise a Heavy Metal food blog than at a Heavy Metal festival full of hungry fans wanting to Gorge themselves in music.
 "Good thinking Batman", as my Dad would say.



Drummer from Attica Rage

Just you watch where you put your hands mate



Awesome



Go on, eat the chocolate



Yes, they were sporting old school METAL double denim



By far the best outfits of the whole weekend

So me and Arlene were handing out some flyers at the second stage. People weren't taking much notice but a nice guy called Matt came over and asked if I would do a recipe for Shepard's pie.
"Of course", I said.
"Do you want it with Lamb or beef?"  Duh! What a stupid question. The line does not go ...while a Shepard tends his flock of cows??? I was having a Glaikit moment.
Glaikit: Scottish word meaning: stupid, foolish, not very bright, thoughtless.
If you look in the dictionary at the word Glaikit you will see this picture of me beside it.

I have no idea how I managed to pull this face. I have tried to recreate it many times to no avail.
And yes, I am about to be hit on the head with an inflatable Metal Hammer.



So, sorry it took so long to get this recipe up for you Matt. If you manage to read this, try it out and let me know what you think.

Matt's Shepard's Pie Not Made From Cow

Makes enough for 4 hungry Metal heads

You can make this with quorn mince too. Just Use a vegetable stock cube and 1 tablespoon of yeast extract, 1 teaspoon thick dark soy sauce and reduce cooking time to about 20 minutes.



Mince in a pot, mince in a pot



I do like those wonky angles



Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ingredients
1kg minced lamb
1 large onion diced finely
3 sticks celery diced finely
1 large carrot peeled and diced finely
3 cloves garlic minced
1 tablespoon plain flour
2 big hand fulls frozen or fresh peas
100ml red wine
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp gravy browning
Water
Salt and pepper

For the mash
3 large potatoes Maris Pipers are good
Big knob butter,
2 tablespoons milk
Salt and pepper

OK. Get yourself a big pot and add a splash of vegetable oil and put onto a medium heat.
Add the onions, carrot, garlic and celery and cook for about 8 to 10 minutes, stirring every now and then until softened.
Next add your mince to the pot  and break it up with  a wooden spoon and stir every now and then till browned.
Add the plain flour, stir and cook for two minutes.
Once the mince is browned add the tomato paste and stir and cook for two minutes.
Add the red wine, jelly stock cube, bay leaves, salt, pepper and water. Stir well then bring to a simmer.
Simmer the meaty mincey mix for about 40 minutes until thick and saucy. Put the peas in 5 minutes before mince is ready. Take out the bay leaves.
Next make the mash.
Peel your spuds and cut into big bite sized chunks.
Put into a pot and cover about an inch over with cold water.
Put onto a high heat, add a big pinch of salt. Bring to the boil and cook for 20 to 25 minutes until potatoes are tender but not breaking apart.
Drain well then place back into the pot.
Add the butter, milk, salt and pepper and mash. I left my mash quite chunky as I like the texture and crispy ness it gives you.
Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent.
Place your mincey mix into and oven proof dish, top with the mash and spread evenly over the mince.
Bake in the oven for about 25 minutes until potato is nice and crispy on top.
Munch away my friends. I ate about two portions before I was about to burst.

Feed My Frankenstein

God I freakin love this song. God I freakin love Waynes World.
I wish I was 23 and living back in the early 90's. That would be awesome.
I'd go to Seattle and hang out with Pearl Jam and Soundgarden and Alice in Chains and tell them all to lay off the freakin Heroin. It's bad for you by the way!

In honour of this song here is my Frankenstein inspired recipe for cupcakes.




Frankenstein cuppity cakes or green velvet and white chocolate

Makes 12
Ingredients

For the cake
30ml green food colouring
Half teaspoon vanilla
30g white cocoa powder (if you can't find white cocoa powder then you can use white drinking chocolate but you will need about 100g of this)
1 egg beaten
60g soft unsalted butter
150g caster sugar
150g plain flour
Half tsp bicarbonate of soda
Half tsp salt
120ml natural yoghurt
1 and half tsp white wine vinegar

Butter icing

125g soft unsalted butter
250g icing sugar
Half tsp vanilla
15ml green food colour

Preheat your oven to 180 degrees or equivalent (160 for fan oven)
Line your muffin tin with paper cases.
In a small bowl whisk together the white chocolate powder, vanilla and green food colour.
In a bowl sieve together the flour, bicarb of soda and salt.
Next using an electric mixer whisk the sugar and butter on high till it becomes white and creamy looking.
Once the butter and sugar is ready while still mixing on high add about a third of the beaten egg and whisk for one minute repeat with the other two thirds of the beaten egg.
Add the green cocoa mix and mix on low till just incorporated.
Sieve in half the flour mix and mix on low till just incorporated.
Add the yoghurt and mix on low till just incorporated then sieve in the rest of the flour mix and mix on low till just incorporated.
Add the vinegar and mix on high for 1 minute.
Separate the mix between the 12 cases then bake in the oven for 30 min or until a tooth pick inserted comes out clean. (I've made this recipe tons of times and it never needs more than 30 min).
Take cakes out of oven and put on a wire rack to cool.

Once cakes are cool you can make the icing.
Whack all the ingredients into a big bowl and start mixing on low till incorporated. Otherwise you'll get icing sugar everywhere. Put the speed up to high and mix for a few minutes until soft and fluffy.

Pipe or spread over the cupcakes.

You can decorate with choc sprinkles or black jelly sweets or whatever you can find that looks minging.

Was it wrong to laugh?

Yello everyone.
How are you all today? Good I trust.
I'm having a few wee problems with my camera again so that's why I aint been blogging for a few weeks. Well that and the fact that It was me and my twinny Arlene's Birthday, Claire's Birthday, My wee Grannie's Birthday my Dad's Birthday, my friend Kath is over from New Zealand and whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Celebrations have been going on  for a whole month now don'tcha know.
Anyhoos, I think I'm all partied out and getting back into my normal routine of making nice food and force feeding it to Pauline. She loves it.
Tonight I'm making porky schnitzel. Yum.
Due to my cameralessness I'm sticking up a few wee recipes that I have back logged. Don't like putting up recipes without being able to prove I made them. I am no fraud.

So on one of my days off I stuck my head into the cupboard to see what I could make. Ready steady cook stylee again. I checked the back of the cupboard but unfortunately our new flat does not come with a Narnia out the back. Gutted. Yeah newbies. This is a throw back to an old blog.

I had bought a Cumberland sausage ring from Westmoorland farm shop on the way back from Hammerfest. Yes, yes. The blog for that is still in construction. It's a trilogy though and it takes some people a whole life time to write them????

Aye, so Cumberland sausage. I had a pack of cooked black lentils too, so decided to make sausages with lentils in tomato sauce. Mmmmmmmmmm.



I was too hungry to wait till after the photo to start eating it.

While I was making said dish I had Scuzz on the TV in the background. I heard a guitar riff that drew me like the rats to the pied piper into the living room. I sat on the arm of the couch, covered in tomato sauce splashes and watched the video. It was from a band called Revoker and the song was called Stay Down.
S

I couldn't make my mind up about what was going on in this song. It was like early 90's Grungyness smashing into the naughties hardcore movement. The hardcore guitars riffage and growly, shouty chorus and then the flamboyant, slightly overacted campness of the main singer. I dunno. I sat there laughing. But you know what? I bloody well like it. So there.

Here's my recipe for sausages and lentils. Enjoy.

Lentils in a tray

Add a sausage

Et Voilà

Sausage and lentils for two

Ingredients

200g Cumberland sausage ring
250g pack ready to eat black or puy lentils (I got mine from Merchant Gourmet)
1 red onion diced fine
3 cloves garlic minced
1 stick celery diced fine
1 400g tin chopped tomatoes
1 bouquet garni
Hand full sun blush tomatoes
Half teaspoon paprika
Half teaspoon dried oregano
Half teaspoon dried basil
Glug olive oil
Glug red wine
1 chicken jelly stock cube
1 tablespoon maple syrup
200ml water
Salt and pepper

First you want to make your tomato sauce.
Put a glug of olive oil into a saucepan and put onto a medium heat.
Add the onion, celery, garlic and paprika and cook for a few minutes until vegetables are softened and garlic is smelling lovely and fragrant.
Add the chopped tomatoes, bouquet garni, basil, oregano, red wine, jelly stock cube, water and a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir then bring to the boil. Once it has started to boil turn it down to a low simmer and cook for 30 minutes stirring every now and then to make sure the sauce does not stick to the pan.
Pre heat your oven to 190 or equivalent.
When sauce is ready, take out the bouquet garni and stir in the lentils. Put into an oven proof dish.
Pop the sausage on top of the lentils and cook in the oven for 35 to 40 minutes until sausage is cooked through. The juice and fat from the sausage will drip into the lentils and make them super nice.
Check the seasoning and serve. I made some soft polenta to go with mine but you could serve it with a nice green salad or a big chunk of bread to mop up the juices.

Stay down, on the ground.