Ich Liebe Scones.

Ich Liebe Scones translates in German as I Love Scones.
This here recipe is for Britta.

Britta is from Germany and has been living it up Caledonian style for a few years but alas, has left this green, wet, windy land and headed off to Austria with the moggies and her lovely big dog Dex. We miss you Britta.
Britta asked me before she left if I could give her a recipe for scones and as usual I took my bloody time getting round to it.

Here you go Britta.

So below you'll find a recipe for lovely jammy blueberry scones. If you can't get blueberries then you can use other berries or dried fruits.

Let me know how the scones work out Britta and hope you are settling in well.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX sending you flying kisses over the ether. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

As usual I have added a little song for you to muse over. This is from Pungent Stench who are from Austria.

The views and opinions used in this video have got nowt at all to do with me.



Blueberry Scones

makes about 12

500g self raising flour
180g caster sugar
110g cold butter diced
300ml buttermilk (If you can't get buttermilk then you can use 200ml of natural yoghurt mixed with 100ml milk)
1 punnet fresh blueberries washed and drained (or 200g dried fruit)
Pinch salt

Heat the oven to 220 degrees or equivalent
Put the flour, butter and salt into a food processor and pulse till it resembles bread crumbs (If you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs)
Put this mix into a large bowl, add the sugar and mix.
Add the buttermilk and mix lightly until incorporated.
Flour your work surface and tip the dough onto it.
Knead very lightly until the dough just comes together. If you over knead it, the gluten will turn elastic and your scones will be pure rubbish.
Roll out with a rolling pin to about 2cm thick and cut out the scone shapes with a floured round cutter.
Place onto a floured baking tray and bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until risen and golden.
The blueberries swell up and burst during the cooking and make the scones all jammy. Mmmmmmm.

Blood red velvet "Slayer" cake

This recipe is for Andy. He asked me to do it about 6 months ago. Oops. Well y'know. Better late than never?????
Andy lives in Australia. So I hope he will be making this recipe for his Ozzy mates.

 I'm making Red Velvet cake for this post. The recipe originates from the deep south of USA and is basically a light chocolate sponge with red food colour and cream cheese frosting. It doesn't sound very nice but when you open up the cake it is deep red inside.  Like blood. Kinda! It tastes amazing.

I have been to see Slayer twice in my life time. The first time I was very young, about 15 I think and it was at the Barrowlands in Glasgow.



I had to leave the pit because it was very brutal and I was getting knocked left, right and centre. I was just a wee thing then. I'd never seen so many pumped up angry men in my life. Scary stuff. The band were amazing though. And I think my retinas were slightly damaged by the fire show. I still see faint images of Tom Araya bathed in fire every time I shut my eyes.

OK so here's the recipe. It makes about 18 cup cakes.

Blood Red Velvet Cakes

90g soft butter
225g caster sugar
2 eggs beaten
15g cocoa powder
40ml red food colour, Doctor Oetker works best
1 tsp vanilla extract
180g natural yogurt ( not Greek yogurt)
225g plain flour
1tsp bicarbonate of soda
1tsp salt
2tsp white wine vinegar

Frosting

50g butter melted
150g cream cheese
Half teaspoon vanilla extract
325g icing sugar

Set your oven to 180 or equivalent or 160 for fan oven.
Line your muffin tins with 18 cases.
Sieve the flour, bicarb of soda and salt together.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the red food colour, vanilla and cocoa powder.
In a large mixing bowl with an electric hand mixer on high, cream the butter and sugar together till light and fluffy.
Add the red food colour and cocoa mix and mix on low till incorporated.
Turn the mixer to high and add a quarter of the beaten egg and mix for one minute, continue with a quarter of the egg mix till it is done.
Sieve in half of the flour mix and mix on a low speed till just incorporated.
Add the yogurt and again mix on low till just incorporated.
sieve the rest of the flour mix in and mix on low till incorporated.
Add the vinegar and mix on high for one minute.
Divide the mix between the cupcake cases and bake in the oven for 30 minutes.
You can check that the cakes are cooked properly by inserting a tooth pick or knife in and if it comes out with no mix stuck to it then the cakes are ready.
Take out the oven and leave to cool.

To make the icing put the cream cheese and vanilla into a large bowl.
sieve in the icing sugar.
Mix on high for a few minutes until smooth.
While still mixing, pour in the butter slowly until finished. Mix for a few more seconds.

Spread or pipe the icing onto the cakes, eat 12 of them all to your self, hold your stomach for a hour then eat the other 6.
Nice one.

XXX

Lynetta's Nigel Slayer Pantera-tone pudding. Oh yes!

Ah, a first on my little blog.
 A recipe has kindly been donated by my beautiful friend Lynne.
Here is said email which I have put in full so as to prove how well she knows me.
So here's to you Lynetta. Thanks for getting into the Heavy Metal food and frolics spirit with me. XXX

Lynnetta likes Big Hunks



Pantera-tone pudding. It looks lovely and sticky sweet. Yum yum.

Here is said email.............

Hello mysterious blogging chefette,
I thought I would send you the Pantera-tone Pudding I made today to use up leftover Panettone from Christmas.  I know I should have listened to Pantera when I made this, but the Columbo with Johnny Cash in it was on telly at the time so I had that as my soundtrack in honour of your love of the genius cop man.  Photo evidence attached.
Lynetta x

Nigel Slayer's Pantera-tone Pudding

panettone – 325g
marmalade - 5 heaped tablespoons (I used Mackie's Vintage Champagne Marmalade as Champagne goes with every meal in my house)
eggs – 4 large
milk - 500ml
a few drops of vanilla extract
Set the oven at 180˚c/Gas 5.
You will also need a deep ovenproof dish, very lightly buttered.
Slice the panettone thinly.
Melt the marmalade in a small saucepan. Put half of the panettone slices in a dish. Spoon over half of the marmalade.
Break the eggs into a bowl and beat them lightly, then beat in the milk and two or three drops of vanilla extract. Pour half the egg and milk mixture over the panettone.
Add the remaining slices, the rest of the marmalade and the rest of egg and milk. Push the bread down so its soaked through.
Bake in the preheated oven for 35 minutes until it is puffed and golden. Shake it gently, it should wobble but show no sign of uncooked custard. Serve warm, with a pouring of cream.