Hello one and all. I hope you are having a very joyful festive season so far.
I have a question for you.
What makes Christmas even more awesome than it already is. COCKTAILS!
Woo woo. Christmas cocktails. Oh what, oh what shall I make? Shall I check the deep dark depths of my drinks cupboard to see what's in there? (Note: this is not the Narnia cupboard. People who actually read my blog will know what this means. Hee hee.That's you Lynne).
Hmmmmmmmmmm, now let's see. Ooh, is that a tumble weed I see. I have some vodka, nashi pear wine, a beer?????
No, no. this won't do. I need to make a little trip to the shops.
Here's an awesome Christmas video for you to watch while I nip out.
Thanks to Holley for introducing me to the delight that is Reuben - Christmas is awesome. Yey.
Stollen Cocktail
25ml Amaretto
25ml spiced rum
teaspoon soft brown sugar
Ice
Muddle the brown sugar with the rum and Amaretto till the sugar dissolves. Add ice cubes and sip in front of a warm log fire. Or your radiator.
Christmas Pud Cocktail
This will serve 2 -4 people. Depending on how drunk you want to get.
25ml Spiced rum
25ml Drambuie
25ml Brandy
1 can Guinness
Make the Chai tea in a large mug or Coffee glass. Take out the tea bag, add the whisky, Cointreau and heather honey. Squeeze in the juice from the orange wedge, stir and sip the cold away.
My Spicy Mulled Wine
2 bottles red wine
small knob fresh ginger sliced finely
1 red chilli sliced up the middle, seeds removed
100ml Cherry brandy
1 orange sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anis
1 bay leaf
5 cloves
100g soft brown sugar
Stick everything in a big pot. Heat until warm. Not too warm that you burn your mouth mind. Stir every now and then making sure that sugar is dissolved. Best served in mugs shaped like boots. Oh yes.
Hello folks,
Yes, it's that time of year again. CHRISTMAS.
Deck your halls with crap loads of tacky decorations. Put up your Christmas tree. Drink hot Mulled wine and listen to Cliff Richard........... Wait, scrap that. Listen to this instead.
I have no idea what the video is all about.
This years Christmas blog is all about THE GIFTS. If like me you hate going shopping and fighting your way through the angry "Oh look at me, I left it really late to get gifts and now I'm taking it out on the whole world because I'm a lazy shit" people.
Well, then you can make these tasty food treats in the comfort of your own home while blasting Heavy Metal so loud that you can taste it in the food. Yeah, go on. Taste the METAL!
So this year I'm making Jack n Coke truffles, Frangipan mince pies, Roast cherry tomato and chilli chutney and Bacon and maple Bourbon (yes I know it sounds weird but just wait till you try it).
But first things first. Here's a wee poem for you to get you in the Christmas spirit.
Rock n Roll Santa (taken from www.heavymetalgeek.com)
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
There sifted the smell of beefy stew and roast Grouse.
The stockings were hung, with blue tak on the wall,
And no one was thinking of Santa at all.
I was warm and cosy and snug in my bed,
While too much mulled wine swam around in my head.
With my warm winter jammies and red Santa cap,
I curled up like a baby for a long winter's nap.
When outside the window there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed, bat in hand, heads to shatter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Pulled open the window, was ready to smash (like the hulk).
It was pure dark outside and all covered in snow,
The fluster and wine gave my cheeks quite a glow.
When what to my bleary eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer (WTF).
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I was gonna be sick.
Clearly I'm mad, seeing things in the snow,
Mini Santa shouted and whistled, my head hurting in woe.
"Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen,
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".
It made me so mad to be woken at all,
Don't care if you're Santa, this aint making my lol (crap text speak).
Dry leaves got scattered as they started to fly,
Leaves came through the window and got in my eye.
So up to the top of the house Santa flew,
With me shouting behind him "I'm gonna kill you".
And then in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The banging and scratching of each bloody hoof.
I sneaked with my bat to the living room bound,
And there stood St Nick, breaking and entering, no sound.
He was dressed all in fur, oh what a faux pas,
So you can afford all the real stuff, well La bloody Dah!
A bundle of toys, he had flung on his back,
Do I look like I'm 5, I'm gonna smother him with his sack.
His eyes, they were beady, his nostrils all hairy,
With his big ruddy face, he looked kinda scary.
He'd clearly been eating, too many pies,
Obese you may say, what a sight for the eyes.
He went straight for my mince pies, and gave out a laugh,
If he takes one more step, Santa will suffer my wrath.
With a wink in his eye and a twist of his head,
I bashed him over the skull. I was sure he was dead.
He spoke not a word and I gave him a kick,
Yup he's a gonner, better bury the body quick.
I pulled him by the feet and buried him well,
I better get those reindeer too, oh bloody hell!
Well the next day at dinner, I served up the stew,
"what's this", they all said. "It's reindeer, the recipe's new".
They ate it all up with such sheer delight,
That'll teach Santa. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.
So where's Santa?
Hee, hee, hee. Or should I say Ho, Ho, Ho.
I'm only kidding Santa. I love you really. Oh by the way, here's my list for this year. I promise I have been a very, very good girl.
Dear Santa,
Please may I have for Christmas this year
Big spiky Metal armbands like Kerry King's
A snazzy new camera to take pictures for my blog
A big black hotrod with flames up the side , and last but not least
Pepper Keenan circa 1993. Oh hell, you might as well throw in Eddie Vedder too.
Thanks Santa. I love you.
OK, so on with the recipes.
Jack and Coke truffles
Makes about 40
Ingredients:
50g dulce de leche (or tinned caramel)
250g semi sweet dark chocolate
50g unsalted butter
100ml Jack n Coke (from ready to drink can, so handy)
100ml double cream
For dusting
50g cocoa powder
50g toasted crushed pecans
Put your dark chocolate, dulce de leche and butter into a large heatproof bowl.
Put the double cream and Jack n coke into a pot and heat until just before boiling.
Pour the cream and jack mix into the bowl of chocolate and mix until everything is smoooooooth.
Leave to cool for 10 minutes and then put into the fridge.
Leave until set enough that it is still soft enough to roll into a ball.
This is the bit where it gets messy.
Put the 50g cocoa powder and crushed pecans into a bowl and mix.
Scoop out enough choc mix to make a small ball.
Dust your hands with extra cocoa and roll the chocolate into balls then roll into the cocoa, pecan mix till coated. Once your chocolates are all rolled, pack into nice boxes and store in da fridge till you give em out.
They won't last a day once they are given out. Yeehaw.
Don't mess with this Santa.
Bacon and Maple Bourbon
The recipe pretty much involves putting lots of lovely smokey flavour into the Bourbon and best bit of all is you get to eat all the bacon while you are making the Bourbon. Yum, Yum.
One bottle off good Bourbon
100ml Maple syrup
1 pack (about 12 slices) very good quality smoked streaky bacon
Coffee filter or muslin
OK, first you want to put the Bourbon into a big jug or bowl and whisk in the maple syrup. Keep your bottle.
Cook off your bacon in a pan or oven tray under the grill then pour ALL the fat into the Bourbon. Eat the bacon.
Leave for a few hours then store in the freezer over night.
Next day put the muslin or coffee filter paper into a funnel and pour the Bourbon back into the bottle, bit by bit. Have a little taste then put the lid back on. And make up your own label to put on the bottle.
This is excellent over ice or with ginger beer. Mmmmmmmmm.
Frangipan mince pies
Makes 24
Ingredients:
for the pastry
420g plain flour
300g cold unsalted butter cubed
50g icing sugar
50g caster sugar
2 large eggs
For the Frangipan
220g soft unsalted butter
300g ground almonds
300g caster sugar
4 large eggs
50g flaked almonds
400g jar good quality mincemeat
Demerara sugar
You will need two 12 hole deep muffin tins.
To make the pastry put all the ingredients except the eggs into a food processor and whizz on med till it looks like bread crumbs. (if you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour and sugar with your fingertips till you get a breadcrumb consistency, whisk the eggs then mix lightly into flour and mix until just incorporated).
Add the eggs and pulse till the dough just comes together.
Flour your work surface and put the dough on top and knead lightly until smooth. leave for a few minutes.
Grease your muffin tins lightly (I used oil spray).
Flour your work surface and rolling pin and roll the dough till about 3mm thick.
Cut out 5inch rings and press lightly into each muffin mould.
You will need to lightly knead your scraps all roll out to get the 24.
Put into the fridge. You do not need to pre bake the cases for this recipe.
To make the frangipan, put the butter, ground almonds and sugar into a food processor and whizz on medium until smooth. while whizzing add the eggs one at a time and whizz till smooth. Put into a tub and leave in the fridge for 15 minutes.
To make the frangipan by hand just mix the butter, sugar and almonds together with a wooden spoon till smooth. Add eggs one at a time beating till incorporated before adding each egg.
Pre heat your oven to 160 degrees fan, or 180 degrees or equivalent.
Take your pastry cases out the fridge and pop a teaspoon of mincemeat into each and flatten.
Place a tablespoon of frangipan into each case and level. top each mince pie with a few flaked almonds and sprinle over some demerara sugar.
Bake in the oven for about 30 minutes until nice and golden brown on top.
Leave to cool on a wire rack then package. Eat within 5 days. Alternatively, you can freeze them for up to 3 months.
Roast Cherry tomato and Chilli Chutney
All I can say is this chutney is AWESOME!
Ingredients:
600g good quality cherry tomatoes
1 small onion diced fine
Half teaspoon dried chilli flakes
Quarter teaspoon cumin seeds
Quarter teaspoon corriander seeds
100g caster sugar
100ml red wine vinegar
big hand full fresh corriander
salt and pepper
Small glug olive oil
Pre heat your oven to 220 degrees or equivalent. Put a wee bit of oil into a roasting tray, pop in your cherry tomatoes and roast until soft and turning a little bit brown . About 20 minutes.
Get yourself a heavy bottomed pan add the olive oil and heat on medium. Add the chilli flakes, corriander and cumin seeds and cook for a minute or two till fragrant. Do not burn.
Add the diced onions and cook for a few minutes stirring every now and then till softened.
Add the cherry tomatoes, red wine vinegar, caster sugar, salt and pepper. Mix.
Bring to a low simmer and cook for about 40 minutes, stirring every now and then until thickened. You want a consistency that's a bit runnier than chutney as it will thicken as it cools.
Chop the corriander and mix through the chutney then put into steralised jars while hot and seal.
Leave for a few days.
This will keep for a year unopened. Once opened store in the fridge and use within 3 months.
Ich Liebe Scones translates in German as I Love Scones.
This here recipe is for Britta.
Britta is from Germany and has been living it up Caledonian style for a few years but alas, has left this green, wet, windy land and headed off to Austria with the moggies and her lovely big dog Dex. We miss you Britta.
Britta asked me before she left if I could give her a recipe for scones and as usual I took my bloody time getting round to it.
Here you go Britta.
So below you'll find a recipe for lovely jammy blueberry scones. If you can't get blueberries then you can use other berries or dried fruits.
Let me know how the scones work out Britta and hope you are settling in well.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX sending you flying kisses over the ether. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
As usual I have added a little song for you to muse over. This is from Pungent Stench who are from Austria.
The views and opinions used in this video have got nowt at all to do with me.
Blueberry Scones
makes about 12
500g self raising flour
180g caster sugar
110g cold butter diced
300ml buttermilk (If you can't get buttermilk then you can use 200ml of natural yoghurt mixed with 100ml milk)
1 punnet fresh blueberries washed and drained (or 200g dried fruit)
Pinch salt
Heat the oven to 220 degrees or equivalent
Put the flour, butter and salt into a food processor and pulse till it resembles bread crumbs (If you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs)
Put this mix into a large bowl, add the sugar and mix.
Add the buttermilk and mix lightly until incorporated.
Flour your work surface and tip the dough onto it.
Knead very lightly until the dough just comes together. If you over knead it, the gluten will turn elastic and your scones will be pure rubbish.
Roll out with a rolling pin to about 2cm thick and cut out the scone shapes with a floured round cutter.
Place onto a floured baking tray and bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until risen and golden.
The blueberries swell up and burst during the cooking and make the scones all jammy. Mmmmmmm.
I had to do it at one point didn't I? Ye canne beat a bit of Meat Loaf.
Slag him as you may but Meatloaf sure writes a great Rock song.
Now I'm not from America so I never ate meatloaf as a child. But I did have some excellent meatloaf in Seattle once. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I grew up on mince n tatties, spicy mince, lasange,well basically anything that could be made with mince. Yes, my mother was a big fan of ground up cow. I guess it was cheap, we were poor and she was bringing up twins in the desolate ghetto of Possil Park. " .....can you the violins calling your name".
Regardless of that. Now the weather is fair drawing in, it's time for comfort food and what's better than a plate of steaming hot meat loaf with mashed potato and gravy. Yum, yum yum.
Pauline's Mum kindly gave me this recipe. Thank you very much. I ate it for four days running.
I've tweaked a couple of the ingredients as I can't help myself. It's in my cheffy nature but mostly it's the exact same recipe.
Meatloaf by Pauline's Mum
Serves 4 greedy portions
1 or 2lbs mince
1 grated carrot
1 finely chopped onion
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 large egg
dollop ketchup (optional)
garlic
paprika
pepper
(or whatever seasonings preferred)
Put everything in a large bowl and mix it all in using hands. Just keep mixing and kneading until it all comes together then put it on a board and slap it around and shape it into a loaf.
then put it into a roasting tray (not a loaf tin).
Before putting in the oven boil some water and mix with some cooking oil and pour over the top of the loaf. You might need to do this again half way through cooking if it starts to look dry.
put it in oven at 190 for approx 1 hr 15 mins. When cooked leave sitting for about 15/20 mins then you should be able to cut it in slices.
My bit now......
Mashed potato
4 to 6 large potatoes (Maris Piper are good)
50g butter
Splash milk
Pinch salt and white pepper
Pinch ground nutmeg
Peel and wash your potatoes and cut into large chunks.
Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil then pop in the potatoes.
Cook for about 15 to 20 minutes until potatoes are tender but not overcooked.
Drain and leave to sit for 2 minutes.
Add the rest of the ingredients then mash away to your hearts content.
Mushroom gravy
I cheated and bought a large tub of fresh beef gravy as I was feeling very lazy. So........
1 large tub fresh beef gravy
2 large flat cap or Portabello mushrooms sliced
Small splash vegetable oil
Splash milk
Put the oil into a pot and put onto a medium heat. Add the mushromms and cook for a few minutes until softened but still with a bit of a bite.
Add the gravy and milk, bring to the boil then serve over the meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
While the meatloaf is cooking peel and wash enough potatoes for 4 people and cut into large chunks.
Hallo everyone.
It's been a while I know. I've been a busy little bee, working, working, working away.
I didn't forget you all. I have a few wee treats for ya.
But on with the bloggery.
As many who know me will tell,
I LOVE Columbo.
Not the man of course but the TV show. I am the proud owner of the complete box set. Every episode ever made including specials and even a few episodes of Mrs Columbo, staring Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager. No joke. I watch an episode every day.
Columbo is a part of my every day life and I was deeply, deeply saddened by Peter Falks death this year. So sad that I lay in bed for a week clutching my box set, smoking cigars and crying like a baby. Well, not really, I just had a Columboathon instead.
Now you might ask what Columbo has to do with Heavy Metal cooking. Well, nothing! This is purely a food inspired tribute to the man and character who has brought joy to my life. I love Columbo so much
I'm dressing as him for Halloween. Oh yes.
Believe it or not, food plays a part in quite a lot of Columbo episodes. You'll find Columbo making omelets, eating ice cream, hard boiled eggs that he's pulled out from his pocket, hot dogs and fancy restaurant food. In fact, there is a whole episode revolving around a deadly chef called "Murder under Glass".
Here is a clip of The man in action.
Columbo ALWAYS knows you did it!
Now here is a trivia question.
What is Columbo's favourite food?
Chilli. Columbo loves chilli and he eats it in every other episode.
See?
So as a tribute to the man and legend. I shall honour him with my own Columbo loves chilli recipe.
Now, I'm not sure if this is the type of chilli that Columbo would have eaten but I think he would have liked it. It's got beer and chocolate in it. Yeah you heard right. The beer and chocolate make this chilli rich and super tasty. In fact, I would go so far as the say it's "Cillicious". Hee hee.
I used Innis and Gunn oak aged beer as it tastes of caramel. Yum, yum. Buy it.
So here you go RIP Peter Falk. You may be gone but Columbo will always be with us.
Columbo Loves Chocolate and Beer Chilli
Ingredients
500g lean minced beef
100g chorizo diced
1 onion diced
4 cloves garlic minced
500g passata
1 bottle Innis and Gunn oak aged beer
1 teaspoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
Half teaspoon cayenne pepper (if you like your chiili hot then add another half teaspoon)
Half teaspoon chilli powder
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 teaspoon dark thick soy sauce
50g good quality 70% dark chocolate
Splash vegetable oil
Pinch salt and pepper
Get yourself a big pot, add a splash of vegetable oil and put onto a medium high heat.
Add your onion and garlic and cook for a few minutes until softened. Add the chorizo and cook for a few minutes until the smokey paprika oil starts to come out.
Add the oregano, cumin, cayenne and chilli powder and cook for one minute.
Add your beef and cook till browned all over and broken up.
Add the tomato paste and cook for one minute.
Add the beef jelly stock cube, soy sauce, passata, chocolate and the bottle of Innis and Gunn.
Stir and bring to a simmer and cook for about 40 minutes to one hour, stirring every now and then until sauce is nice and thick. Add as much salt and pepper as you like then serve with rice or over potato wedges with some sour cream and cheese. Or if you want to do it like Columbo then eat it with some saltine crackers.
Hallo everyone.
In honour of the passing yesterday of Warrant's lead singer I dedicate this recipe to him and his family and friends.
Now, I know Warrant are about as far removed from Heavy Metal as Barak Obama is from becoming the next Grand Wizard of the KKK but the song is so dang catchy.
Sing it with me now. You know the words
She's my cherry pie Put a smile on your face Ten miles wide Looks so good bring a tear to your eye Sweet cherry pieeeeeeeee Yeah, yah, huh, ow, huh, yeah (and other random noises)
Just a thought. But during the song writing process, at what point do they decide "I think a huh and an ow would work really well in this section" ?????????
Here's the recipe
Cherry (and Blueberry) and Chocolate Pie
Add caption
You will need a 9" tart or pie tin and baking beans or dried pulses for blind baking the pastry
Ingredients
400g ready to roll puff pastry
350g pitted fresh cherries (use frozen when not in season)
250g fresh blueberries (again, use frozen if not in season)
100g good quality dark chocolate
2 tablespoons caster sugar
Juice of one orange
Tablespoon kirsch or cherry brandy
2 teaspoons cornflour
1 egg yolk beaten with a splash of water
Flour for dusting
Pre heat your oven to 180 degrees or equivalent
First you want to make the filling for your pie.
Get a big pot and fling in the cherries, blueberries, orange juice, caster sugar and kirsch.
Put onto a medium heat and bring to a simmer. Cook stirring every now and then for about 10 to 15 minutes, until the blueberries have burst a bit and mix is looking a bit jammy. You still want to see whole cherries and blueberries in it so don't over cook. Mix the cornflour to a paste with a splash of water, add to the pot and stir for one minute until sauce thickens.
Take off the heat and leave to cool.
Dust your tin with some flour then dust your work top lightly with flour.
Plop your puff pastry onto your work surface and roll out to fit the size of your tin. Making sure you have pastry left for the top.
Carefully lay the pastry into your tin. Don't worry if it tears a little as you can patch it up with some extra pastry.
Line the inside with tin foil and pour in your baking beans or dried pulses ( I used dried broth mix as that was all I had in my cupboard).
Pop the tin into the oven and bake for 15 minutes.
Take the tin foil out and brush the bottom with some of the beaten egg. Put back into the oven for another 5 to 10 minutes until the pastry is flaky and golden.
Take out of the oven, leave to cool for 5 minutes then push the base of the pastry down so it is flattened and not puffy.
Grate the chocolate over the base then top with the cherry mixture.
On a floured work surface roll the rest of your pastry into strips and lay in a criss cross pattern on top of the pie. Brush with the beaten egg then pop back into the oven for about 20 minutes until filling is hot and pastry on top is nice and golden.
Serve with ice cream.
