I scream, you scream. We all scream for Pouitne.

Poutine.
No, not the President of Russia. He's a Dick.

Poutine is a Canadian dish originating from Quebec, consisting of potato fries (that's chips to you and me), chicken gravy and cheese curds. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Now I don't know how popular chips and gravy are in the rest of the UK, but in Glasgow it's the ultimate drunk food. Well, that and deep fried pizza. Oh yes you heard me right. 
Don't knock it till you've tried it pal!

Poutine is famous in Canada so it is and it's eventually sneaking it's wee cheesy, gravy head over this side of the pond. 

Hello Poutine. 


Now Who's your favorite Canadian Metal Band?

Rush? Nickleback???? ha ha, NO.

It's gotta be Strapping Young Lad hasn't it?
I want Devin Townsend to be my pal. 
He'd just make me laugh till my belly hurt. 

Here's a Strapping Young Lad video. Probably best not to watch this with a hangover. 
Not that I ever have hangovers being teetotal and all that. 

OOF! That was fun. 

As you know, I like to shake shit up a bit so i'll be changing the recipe a wee bit.
Instead of using normal chips I'm going to use sweet potatoes because I love them.
 And I'll be baking them in the oven instead of frying them to make the recipe slightly more healthy. 

Don't worry though folks..... APPETITE OF DESTRUCTION does not do diet food. It'll still be tastilicious (that's a word). 

I'm also using ready made chicken gravy as I plain just can't be arsed to make it myself today. 
If you are a purest feel free to make your own. 
I'll be having a beer while you do. Oh, no wait. A non alcoholic beer. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... aaaaaaaaah!

Well onwards and upwards. Here's the recipe.
If you eat it while drunk it tastes even better. Apparently. I wouldn't know!

Sweet Potato Poutine
serves 2

2 - 3 large sweet potatoes
200g of cheese curds (If you can't get cheese curds then just substitute it for
500g tub chilled chicken gravy
Olive oil
Quarter teaspoon cracked black pepper
One teaspoon smoked Cajun seasoning
Splash milk
Salt and pepper

Heat your oven to 220 degrees or equivalent.
Cut your sweet potatoes into thick chips. Leave the skin on, it makes them smokey and tasty.
Put into a big bowl and add the Cajun spice, a big pinch of salt and pepper and a big glug of olive oil and mix until all the sweet potato chips are coated.

Place into the oven and roast for about 25 to 30 minutes so that the potato is crispy and golden on the outside and soft on the inside. 

Armadillooooooooo!

Just before the potatoes are ready heat your gravy in a saucepan on medium heat until it is hot and bubbling lightly. 
Add the pepper and milk and give it a quick whisk. Take off the heat.

Place your sweet potato chips onto two plates then top with  the cheese curds and then pour over the gravy.

If you don't mumble "Oh dear God" when your mouth is full there's something wrong with you.

Enjoy.

DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

Do do doooooo, dee dooo, dee do, doooo, dooooooo. 
Do, do, do, dee doooo dee doooooo. 

Ooh, they must have been cold. 

I was made for lovin you baby, you were made for lovin meeeeee.....

Now, I had only been born for 17 days when this album was released so I didn't get the disappointment of seeing Kiss go "Disco". 

In my opinion it was a brave, tongue in cheek move. 
Kiss proved that they can do "Disco" better than.... well... DISCO!

I also think that Metal bands come up with the best covers. But we shall leave that for another blog eh?????????? 
Oh, how exciting. 

(In fact, off tangent....... 
If you have managed to read the blog this far down and aren't bored yet, then send your "Best Metal cover" suggestions to my Facebook page and we can start up a wee playlist. Link to Facebook is at top of this blog, well the last time I checked it was). 

Here is the great band at work. 



You are probably wondering why i'm going on about Disco Kiss?

Well, if you go to a chippy or takeaway in Glasgow (and I think round most of the UK) you can buy a specialty called 
"Disco Fries".

I'm not sure if they call it this because you usually order it when you come out of a "disco" slightly worse for wear and in need of sustenance?

Basically it is chips with gravy and cheese, much like it's posher Canadian cousin the "Poutine", which has cheese curds instead of normal grated cheddar.

Baulk and also NOT my photo

So we have Disco fries in honor of Disco Kiss.
I've switched the recipe up a wee bit though for my sophisticated pallet.....

I'm using a blue cheese sauce instead of grated cheese as I love the tang you get from blue cheese. 

Yep, never snog me after disco fries........ 
Not that I'm insinuating that you all want to snog me. But the offer is there anyway. 

OK, so the Black Spiders bit is about another band who I think are brilliant. 

Saw them live in Wolverhampton when I went to see Danzig and they have a song called " Kiss Tried to Kill Me" which you should definitely check out below.

Righty 'O, so we should get on with the recipe eh?

DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

feeds 2

This recipe is really easy and requires no effort at all. 
Most of the products you can buy ready made. 
I know this is a cooking blog but hey, sometimes you just want an easy life. 
And I wouldn't suggest cooking while drunk. Unless you want to burn your house down??????

Half bag Frozen oven or fryer chips. Or a whole bag if you are really hungry???
400g tub ready made rich gravy (you can make your own gravy from scratch if you like)
150g roast beef  shredded ( you can use left overs or buy a pack of roast beef from le shoppe)
200ml double cream
100g Roquefort cheese
Salt and pepper

Cook your chips in the oven or fryer as per package instructions.

Get two little pots.
Put the gravy and roast beef into one and the cream and blue cheese into another.

Heat both on medium low heat while the chips are cooking. 
Stir the cheese sauce every now and then so it doesn't burn and till the sauce is thick and creamy. About 15 minutes. 

Put the chips onto two plates, add a little salt and pepper.
Top with the Gravy then top with the Cheese sauce.

Get it doon ye!

Hot Diggity Dawg!

Hot Damn Diggity Dawg. 

 Today's blog is inspired by a wee place I went to in Bristol called Atomic Burger 

It's great burger, hotdog place with cool retro comic book inspired decor and "Hard Shakes". Mmmmmm, booze and ice cream. Always a good combination.

Just for the record. I really LOVE Bristol.
It's one of my favorite cities. Friendly locals and loads of good bars and restaurants to go to. 
Amazing graffiti artists and a great music scene.  
Aye!

ATOMIC BURGER

I had the Stray Dog. A German Frankfurter wrapped in bacon with aged Cheddar sauce, tumbleweed onions and the Danger Fries. Crispy fries topped with pulled chicken, Louisiana hot sauce, blue cheese dressing and spring onions.
All washed down with some tasty Margharitas.  

Atomic burger is definitely a must if you find yourself in the wonderful City of Bristol. Great atmosphere, good service, old 80's videos and comic book decor which, (for me at least) takes me right back to my childhood. 
Even with the "interestingly erotic" floor design.

 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Well then. 
Here's a wee video from a band called Red Fang. I think they are one of the best bands to come out in ages.
The song is called "Prehistoric Dog".... hot dog? See what I did there. God, I'm a genius. 
For anyone who knows anything about erm......role playing (not me of course, oh no) the video is pretty funny.



Also worthy of note in Bristol is The Gryphon bar. 
A proper Metal boozer with tons of live acts and cask ales on offer. 
Check it out. 
The owner looks like Oliver Reed (see below). 

The Gryphon

Told ya.


So here's my take on an ATOMIC DAWG. bringing the atomic from the green chilli. Ooft!

Now, I ran a competition on facebook to name the "dawg" and the best name got something special (illegal?) through the post. 

3 people replied. Woo hoooooo. Thanks Lynne, Ali and Henry. 

So Henry is the winner with "The Dirty Dawg". 

Wheeeeeeeeeeey.

The Dirty Dawg

Crispy bacon wrapped Bratwurst with squeezy cheese and green chilli relish.

Makes 4

4 BIG Bratwurst
4 nice brioche buns or good sub rolls or hotdog rolls
8 rashers of really good streaky bacon. It MUST be streaky.
A bottle of squeesy cheddar style cheese (yep, that's right, trust me it's worth it)
1 green pepper
1 green jalapeno
1 shallot
50ml white wine vinegar
25g sugar
1 tomato chopped
Sunflower oil or olive oil
Pinch corriander seeds crushed
Salt and pepper


First we need to make the chilli relish.
De seed your green pepper and cut into small dice. Then finely chop you chilli (seeds and all). 
Chop your shallot finely.
Heat a little oil in a pan on medium. 
Add the corriander seeds and shallots and cook for a few minutes until shallots are soft and opaque and corriander smells fragrant and amazing.
Add your chilli and cook for one minute then add your green pepper and cook for about 5 minutes until softened.
Add the vinegar, sugar and a pinch of salt and pepper and cook for about 8 to 10 minutes until liquid has absorbed and you have a slightly wet relish ( It will thicken as it cools). 
Leave to cool. 


So here's the tricky part. 
You need to get a skewer or a chop stick and stick it down the length of the bratwurst, making sure not to pop out the other end or break the sausage. 
You are basically making a little tunnel to squeeze in the cheese. 

So, then..... squeeze in your cheese and fill the cavity. Fnar, fnar. 
Get two rashers of streaky bacon and wrap them around the Bratwurst making sure that you cover the wee hole where you squeezed in your cheesy goodness. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Heat a frying pan on medium with a little oil then place in your bacon wrapped dogs and fry until bacon is nice and browned all over. This should take about 10 minutes. 
Take out of the pan and leave to rest while you split your buns and place cut side down in the pan you cooked your dawgs in to heat and toast gently.

Place your dawgs in the buns then top with the relish. You can also add some fresh chopped tomato, ketchup, mustard, ice cream, dandelions etc . 
If you want. 

Enjoy and feel free to admit that you quite like squeezy cheese.
you do. Admit it.

Cosmopolitan Blood Loss

WARNING: This blog contains blood and Vincent Gallo. If you dislike either then look away now.

Are you scared??????

OK, so when I say "blood" I mean black pudding. 
Now I love the stuff but understand that for some mild palliated pussies it's a wee bit too scary.

"Ooooooooh, I couldn't eat that. It's got blood in it. 
But you can eat meat? Yeah?" 

Black pudding is awesome. It's so rich, savoury and tasty, tasty delicious. Get over it!

So for the black pudding lovers out there, I salute you. 
And today's blog is for a great breakfast/ brunch recipe for black pudding and apple pancakes. 

Here's a wee video to get you in the blood loss mood. 
I will have to admit though..... Vincent Gallo does scare me. 
His gaze, his angry stare. I don't like it.
If I saw him in the street I would run away. Run as fast as my little short Glaswegian legs could carry me.
Hey, Even Glassjaw are scared of Vincent Gallo.







Haw Daryl. Pull yer pants up!

Black Pudding and Apple Pancakes

the best puddin in the world.

My picture isn't too good  but trust me. The pancakes are. And yes, I did eat all of this.

4 slices of really good quality black pudding. Stornoway black pudding is by far the best in my opinion. It's so good it has been given protected status. 
 1 apple, Granny smith is nice and tart
135g plain flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Half teaspoon salt
130ml whole milk
1 large egg beaten
2 tablespoons melted butter
Extra butter or oil for frying

Maple syrup, fried egg, bacon etc for serving. 
I had egg and chips with it. That's me. 

Cook your black pudding slices under a medium grill for a few minutes each side until cooked through and slightly crispy. 
Leave to cool.

Sieve your flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl.
Add your egg and mix till combined. 

Add the milk and melted butter and whisk till smooth.

Crumble in your cooked black pudding the use a grater to grate in your apple. Don't worry about peeling it.
Mix till combined.

Heat a frying pan on medium high heat and add a little butter or oil. Spoon in  4 separate small mounds of pancake mix and cook each pancake for about 2 to 4 minutes each side until golden brown. 
Repeat with the rest of the batter until it's all used up.

You can keep the first pancakes warm in a low oven until you have finished the mix.

Serve with maple syrup, poached or fried egg, chips, bacon, avocado, toothpaste or generally anything you like having with your pancakes.

Mon the black puddin!

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Haw! Wit te dea wi yer haggis ciz ye bout too much, aye? Also, the perfect hangover cure.

Hello, hello, hello.
How's it go'in? 
So yes......
Happy Burns Day one and all.
Hope you celighed  the wee small hours away last night.
So, ye've still got a big wad o' haggis eh? 
And a stinkin hangover?

Aw, ma poor heid. Coffee and sunglasses and a wee can o' Bru. That'll sort me right oot. 

No worries. I have the the cure.

A hangover curer you say? Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

But first...... Watch this video from Gloryhammer. "The Unicorn Invasion of Dundee".
It'll give you a proper chuckle and make you forget you have the hangover for a few minutes. 





Well, the powers that be say that something fried will help your hangover. And you know how us Scots love our fried food (but only in organic, fair trade canola oil, Ya!)

This recipe requires very little effort whatsoever. Is quick to cook, requires mostly leftovers and not much movement. 
So can can make it quick, get it doon ye, go back to the couch, sling your duvet over you, drink some cold Irn Bru and get back to watching Taggart.

bew bew bew ,beddle de bow ,bow bow.

Haggis and bean potato cakes

Och Aye. Ah'll jist hea a wee dance. 

Makes 6

Ingredients:

200g haggis broken up
200g mashed potato
200g mashed turnip (swede)
1 tin baked beans with most of the sauce drained off (keep this to pour over chips. That's what i do).
6 spring onions sliced
1 tablespoon brown sauce
50g breadcrumbs
Pinch salt and pepper
Flour for dusting
Vegetable oil for frying

Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent. 

Mix everything except the flour and oil in a big bowl then shape into 6 big patties.

Pour a few table spoons of oil into a frying pan and heat on medium.
Dust the patties in a little flour and fry for two minutes each side until nice and golden.

Place on a baking sheet and cook in the oven for 10 minutes. 
Serve with extra brown sauce. 
Braw!

Here's another video to help you get out your inner Braveheart.

Skiltron "Bagpipes of War".

Dance Magic Dance,

We are taking a little break from the METAAAAAAAAAL today to bring you a drinking game blog based around one of my all time favorite films, Labyrinth.

I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry. What could ah dooo oooh oooh??????

Labyrinth eh? What a film.
It's got it all. 
Fantasy, Romance, those pesky little Goblins and David Bowie's crotch.
What's not to love. 



I made this game for my buddies (with a little help from Google) as a wee Christmas present from me. 
Basically it's a selfish present though, as I want to play it my self.


I'm going to give you a recipe for a Magical Labyrinth themed punch that you can use as said alcohol for the game.

Magical because, it contains alcohol. 
The wonderful elixir that makes everyone pretty, your conversation witty and your dance moves pure amazing. 
Ha, thought I was going to rhyme that last one didn't you? 

I will say though that sober or drunk.... My dance moves are ALWAYS amazing.  True. 

So first I'll give you the punch recipe then the rules of the game shall follow.
If you wish you can  have shots of your favorite spirit instead of the punch, but the game is pretty full on. 
If ya canny hawd yer liquor, tak a sip instead. 

Jareth's Magical Elixir of Crotchety Goodness 

2 bottles cava or champagne of your choice
300ml Smirnoff Gold
300ml clear apple juice
100ml Elderflower cordial

Ooh, glittery.

THE RULES

You will need a copy of the film of course. 

Dressing as the characters is optional, unless you are a man with a huge package. Then it is mandatory that you wear tights.
You may take one shot or sip of your chosen poison depending on how drunk you require to be.

Let the game begin.

Take one shot/ sip when

*Someone says "It isn't fair".
*Hoggle sighs, grumbles or indulges in self pity.
*The Goblin King looks sad.
*Sarah quotes from the book.
*You see a clock.
*Someone gets Hoggle's name wrong.
*There's a riddle.
*Ludo says "Smeeeeeeeeeell".
*An inanimate object comes to life.
*Didymus tries to have a square go with someone.

Take two shots/ sips when

*There's a musical number

*Ludo summons rocks
*When the Goblin king plays with his balls
EACH PLAYER MUST ALSO SHOUT "BAWS" WHEN THIS HAPPENS. Any player who doesn't shout "baws" must take another shot/ sip.
*A Goblin says something intelligent (At players discretion).

*You see a gratuitous shot of the Goblin king's crotch. 
TAKE AN EXTRA SHOT IF YOU GET TURNED ON BY IT.

The winner is the person who is the most sober. 
Or the one who sees all the labyrinth characters in the room with them.

Game over.

We wish you a Metal Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho Merry Christmas........
Well, not quite yet. 

I frikin LOOOOOOVE Christmas.

I am one of those annoying people that loves everything about this time of year. 
Y'know, the one you see when your running around like a headless chicken, banging into people, trying to scramble for presents and I'm walking slowly around the shop with a big smug grin on my face because I'm just in for some more booze. 

Yes, I put my Christmas tree up on the 29th because I couldn't handle waiting any longer.
Yes, I have all my presents in and wrapped.
Yes, I have watched five versions of A Christmas Carol and about 20 other Christmas films so far.
Yes, I have four pairs of Christmas jammies.
Yes, I have eaten most of the chocolate out of my advent calendar because I'm greedy.
And yes, I've drank a bucket load of Mulled wine thus far.  

I  am the Spirit of Christmas.

I am so full of Christmas cheer (and coffee) that I might pop. 
If I do pop, it won't be blood and guts that come out. 
It will be glitter and Christmas baubles, and reindeer and mince pies and.........


Phew. I'd better clam down or I'll have a heart attack before Christmas even comes.


Here is an amazing Metal Christmas song for your delight. What a squeal this man has. Brilliant.




That was wonderful. 


I had planned to do an EPIC Christmas blog with loads of recipes for alternative mains (I hate roast turkey). 
But I've been far too busy dancing around my living room to "The Swing of Christmas"in my Christmas pants throwing tinsel around. 

So here's a few wee treats for you. 
This years festive recipes are as follows:

Asian Gravadlax
Baked Festive Ham
Smoked Sweet Potato Mash
Christmas Eton Mess that's actually nothing like Eton Mess (Deal with it)!
Christmas Punch

Asian Gravadlax

This is a four day process. It's really easy to make though, so don't let the time put you off.
if you want to pull a show stopper then get a whole side of salmon and double this recipe. It looks super fancy n shit. But I'll give you a recipe for 500g which should be enough for 6 people as a light starter. Serve it with bellinis or on prawn crackers and with chilli and lime spiked creme fraiche.

500g  super fresh as possible salmon fillet. Don't buy crappy pre packaged or frozen salmon. Go to a fishmonger or your fish counter and get them to take off the skin and the pin bones. 
50g salt
50g sugar
Quarter teaspoon cracked black pepper
big bunch corriander chopped
50ml sweet chilli sauce
15ml dark soy sauce
Juice and zest of 2 limes
Big knob fresh grated ginger

Mix the sugar, salt, pepper and corriander together
Lay the salmon on a large piece of cling film and cover both sides with the sugar, salt mixture.
Wrap the salmon up tightly in the cling film and place in a deep baking tray . Put another baking tray on top and weight down with some tins, shit you have in the fridge. As the weight will help it cure. 
Keep in the fridge for 3 days. Turning every 12 hours.
On the fourth day, unwrap the salmon and wipe of the marinade.
Place into another dish.
Mix the sweet chilli sauce, soy sauce, lime juice and zest and ginger then pour over the salmon. Making sure it's all covered in the marinade. 
Keep in the fridge for another 24 hours, again turning after 12. 
When ready to serve get a sharp knife and cut at an angle as thinly as possible. Serve with the above accompaniments. Ooh, that's a big word isn't it?

Next.

Baked Festive Ham 

You'll need a BIG pot and a meat thermometer.

1.5kg unsmoked gammon joint
1 stick celery choped roughly
1 carrot chopped roughly
5 pepper corns
1 stick cinnamon
1 star anis
half jar marmalade
150g muscavado sugar

Put your gammon into a large pot and cover completely with water as it's going to cook for quite some time. Put the celery, carrot and spices into the pot.
Put it on a high heat and bring to the boil. Turn down to a medium simmer. You'll probably need to cook it for about an hour. Check after half and hour by putting a meat thermometer into the middle of the meat. The ham is ready when it reaches 160 degrees. You might need to top up the water a couple of times while the ham is cooking to make sure it is fully submerged. Use freshly boiled water from the kettle.
Once the ham has reached temperature take it out of the pot and put onto a baking tray. Leave to cool. 
(Keep the cooking liquid if you like as it makes a good pea and ham soup using dried green split peas and left over ham).
Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent. 
Take the top layer of skin off the ham making sure you leave a layer of the juicy fat. Mmmmmmmm.
Score the fat then smear in the marmalade then rub in the sugar.
Add a little water to the bottom of your baking tray to stop the bottom of the ham drying out. 
Place in the oven and bake for 20 to 30 minutes until the top is nice and golden.
You can eat it warm but if you cool it down it makes a good cold centre piece for your Christmas table.

The picture is a bit crappy as it was with my old camera. But you get the idea eh?

Smoked Sweet Potato mash

serves 4
3 large sweet potatoes peeled and chopped quite chunky. 
Glug olive oil
Teaspoon toasted pumpkin seed oil
Quarter teaspoon liquid smoke
1 teaspoon chipotle hot sauce
Big pinch salt and pepper

Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent.

Toss the sweet potato with the olive oil, salt and pepper. Place into an oven tray and roast for about 30 minutes until fork tender.
Place into a bowl and add the pumpkin seed oil, liquid smoke and hot sauce and mash roughly. 
Done. Serve piping hot. 
If you stick marshmallows on it i'll punch you.

 Christmas Etonish Mess

Serves 4
500ml double cream
1 small Christmas pudding
2 punnets fresh blackberries
Glug brandy
100ml icing sugar

Whip the double cream and icing sugar together till it forms soft peaks. 
Add the brandy and whip for another few seconds.
Break up the Chrimo pud.
In your glasses put a layer of Christmas pudding, then scatter over some blackberries, then a layer of the whipped cream. 
Repeat again and top with a few more blackberries. 

Christmas Punch

1 bottle Prosecco
200ml Amaretto
200ml Cranberry juice
2 litre bottle coke. 
it tastes like Doctor pepper. Kinda.

If you want some nibbles to have with your Christmas Punch then buy a bag of crisps. I'm too busy getting drunk.

Merry Christmas everyone and a Happy New Year.
Appetite of Destruction over and out till 2014.

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