DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

Do do doooooo, dee dooo, dee do, doooo, dooooooo. 
Do, do, do, dee doooo dee doooooo. 

Ooh, they must have been cold. 

I was made for lovin you baby, you were made for lovin meeeeee.....

Now, I had only been born for 17 days when this album was released so I didn't get the disappointment of seeing Kiss go "Disco". 

In my opinion it was a brave, tongue in cheek move. 
Kiss proved that they can do "Disco" better than.... well... DISCO!

I also think that Metal bands come up with the best covers. But we shall leave that for another blog eh?????????? 
Oh, how exciting. 

(In fact, off tangent....... 
If you have managed to read the blog this far down and aren't bored yet, then send your "Best Metal cover" suggestions to my Facebook page and we can start up a wee playlist. Link to Facebook is at top of this blog, well the last time I checked it was). 

Here is the great band at work. 



You are probably wondering why i'm going on about Disco Kiss?

Well, if you go to a chippy or takeaway in Glasgow (and I think round most of the UK) you can buy a specialty called 
"Disco Fries".

I'm not sure if they call it this because you usually order it when you come out of a "disco" slightly worse for wear and in need of sustenance?

Basically it is chips with gravy and cheese, much like it's posher Canadian cousin the "Poutine", which has cheese curds instead of normal grated cheddar.

Baulk and also NOT my photo

So we have Disco fries in honor of Disco Kiss.
I've switched the recipe up a wee bit though for my sophisticated pallet.....

I'm using a blue cheese sauce instead of grated cheese as I love the tang you get from blue cheese. 

Yep, never snog me after disco fries........ 
Not that I'm insinuating that you all want to snog me. But the offer is there anyway. 

OK, so the Black Spiders bit is about another band who I think are brilliant. 

Saw them live in Wolverhampton when I went to see Danzig and they have a song called " Kiss Tried to Kill Me" which you should definitely check out below.

Righty 'O, so we should get on with the recipe eh?

DISCO FRIES WERE MADE FOR LOVING BLACK SPIDERS

feeds 2

This recipe is really easy and requires no effort at all. 
Most of the products you can buy ready made. 
I know this is a cooking blog but hey, sometimes you just want an easy life. 
And I wouldn't suggest cooking while drunk. Unless you want to burn your house down??????

Half bag Frozen oven or fryer chips. Or a whole bag if you are really hungry???
400g tub ready made rich gravy (you can make your own gravy from scratch if you like)
150g roast beef  shredded ( you can use left overs or buy a pack of roast beef from le shoppe)
200ml double cream
100g Roquefort cheese
Salt and pepper

Cook your chips in the oven or fryer as per package instructions.

Get two little pots.
Put the gravy and roast beef into one and the cream and blue cheese into another.

Heat both on medium low heat while the chips are cooking. 
Stir the cheese sauce every now and then so it doesn't burn and till the sauce is thick and creamy. About 15 minutes. 

Put the chips onto two plates, add a little salt and pepper.
Top with the Gravy then top with the Cheese sauce.

Get it doon ye!

Hot Diggity Dawg!

Hot Damn Diggity Dawg. 

 Today's blog is inspired by a wee place I went to in Bristol called Atomic Burger 

It's great burger, hotdog place with cool retro comic book inspired decor and "Hard Shakes". Mmmmmm, booze and ice cream. Always a good combination.

Just for the record. I really LOVE Bristol.
It's one of my favorite cities. Friendly locals and loads of good bars and restaurants to go to. 
Amazing graffiti artists and a great music scene.  
Aye!

ATOMIC BURGER

I had the Stray Dog. A German Frankfurter wrapped in bacon with aged Cheddar sauce, tumbleweed onions and the Danger Fries. Crispy fries topped with pulled chicken, Louisiana hot sauce, blue cheese dressing and spring onions.
All washed down with some tasty Margharitas.  

Atomic burger is definitely a must if you find yourself in the wonderful City of Bristol. Great atmosphere, good service, old 80's videos and comic book decor which, (for me at least) takes me right back to my childhood. 
Even with the "interestingly erotic" floor design.

 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Well then. 
Here's a wee video from a band called Red Fang. I think they are one of the best bands to come out in ages.
The song is called "Prehistoric Dog".... hot dog? See what I did there. God, I'm a genius. 
For anyone who knows anything about erm......role playing (not me of course, oh no) the video is pretty funny.



Also worthy of note in Bristol is The Gryphon bar. 
A proper Metal boozer with tons of live acts and cask ales on offer. 
Check it out. 
The owner looks like Oliver Reed (see below). 

The Gryphon

Told ya.


So here's my take on an ATOMIC DAWG. bringing the atomic from the green chilli. Ooft!

Now, I ran a competition on facebook to name the "dawg" and the best name got something special (illegal?) through the post. 

3 people replied. Woo hoooooo. Thanks Lynne, Ali and Henry. 

So Henry is the winner with "The Dirty Dawg". 

Wheeeeeeeeeeey.

The Dirty Dawg

Crispy bacon wrapped Bratwurst with squeezy cheese and green chilli relish.

Makes 4

4 BIG Bratwurst
4 nice brioche buns or good sub rolls or hotdog rolls
8 rashers of really good streaky bacon. It MUST be streaky.
A bottle of squeesy cheddar style cheese (yep, that's right, trust me it's worth it)
1 green pepper
1 green jalapeno
1 shallot
50ml white wine vinegar
25g sugar
1 tomato chopped
Sunflower oil or olive oil
Pinch corriander seeds crushed
Salt and pepper


First we need to make the chilli relish.
De seed your green pepper and cut into small dice. Then finely chop you chilli (seeds and all). 
Chop your shallot finely.
Heat a little oil in a pan on medium. 
Add the corriander seeds and shallots and cook for a few minutes until shallots are soft and opaque and corriander smells fragrant and amazing.
Add your chilli and cook for one minute then add your green pepper and cook for about 5 minutes until softened.
Add the vinegar, sugar and a pinch of salt and pepper and cook for about 8 to 10 minutes until liquid has absorbed and you have a slightly wet relish ( It will thicken as it cools). 
Leave to cool. 


So here's the tricky part. 
You need to get a skewer or a chop stick and stick it down the length of the bratwurst, making sure not to pop out the other end or break the sausage. 
You are basically making a little tunnel to squeeze in the cheese. 

So, then..... squeeze in your cheese and fill the cavity. Fnar, fnar. 
Get two rashers of streaky bacon and wrap them around the Bratwurst making sure that you cover the wee hole where you squeezed in your cheesy goodness. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Heat a frying pan on medium with a little oil then place in your bacon wrapped dogs and fry until bacon is nice and browned all over. This should take about 10 minutes. 
Take out of the pan and leave to rest while you split your buns and place cut side down in the pan you cooked your dawgs in to heat and toast gently.

Place your dawgs in the buns then top with the relish. You can also add some fresh chopped tomato, ketchup, mustard, ice cream, dandelions etc . 
If you want. 

Enjoy and feel free to admit that you quite like squeezy cheese.
you do. Admit it.

Cosmopolitan Blood Loss

WARNING: This blog contains blood and Vincent Gallo. If you dislike either then look away now.

Are you scared??????

OK, so when I say "blood" I mean black pudding. 
Now I love the stuff but understand that for some mild palliated pussies it's a wee bit too scary.

"Ooooooooh, I couldn't eat that. It's got blood in it. 
But you can eat meat? Yeah?" 

Black pudding is awesome. It's so rich, savoury and tasty, tasty delicious. Get over it!

So for the black pudding lovers out there, I salute you. 
And today's blog is for a great breakfast/ brunch recipe for black pudding and apple pancakes. 

Here's a wee video to get you in the blood loss mood. 
I will have to admit though..... Vincent Gallo does scare me. 
His gaze, his angry stare. I don't like it.
If I saw him in the street I would run away. Run as fast as my little short Glaswegian legs could carry me.
Hey, Even Glassjaw are scared of Vincent Gallo.







Haw Daryl. Pull yer pants up!

Black Pudding and Apple Pancakes

the best puddin in the world.

My picture isn't too good  but trust me. The pancakes are. And yes, I did eat all of this.

4 slices of really good quality black pudding. Stornoway black pudding is by far the best in my opinion. It's so good it has been given protected status. 
 1 apple, Granny smith is nice and tart
135g plain flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Half teaspoon salt
130ml whole milk
1 large egg beaten
2 tablespoons melted butter
Extra butter or oil for frying

Maple syrup, fried egg, bacon etc for serving. 
I had egg and chips with it. That's me. 

Cook your black pudding slices under a medium grill for a few minutes each side until cooked through and slightly crispy. 
Leave to cool.

Sieve your flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl.
Add your egg and mix till combined. 

Add the milk and melted butter and whisk till smooth.

Crumble in your cooked black pudding the use a grater to grate in your apple. Don't worry about peeling it.
Mix till combined.

Heat a frying pan on medium high heat and add a little butter or oil. Spoon in  4 separate small mounds of pancake mix and cook each pancake for about 2 to 4 minutes each side until golden brown. 
Repeat with the rest of the batter until it's all used up.

You can keep the first pancakes warm in a low oven until you have finished the mix.

Serve with maple syrup, poached or fried egg, chips, bacon, avocado, toothpaste or generally anything you like having with your pancakes.

Mon the black puddin!

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Haw! Wit te dea wi yer haggis ciz ye bout too much, aye? Also, the perfect hangover cure.

Hello, hello, hello.
How's it go'in? 
So yes......
Happy Burns Day one and all.
Hope you celighed  the wee small hours away last night.
So, ye've still got a big wad o' haggis eh? 
And a stinkin hangover?

Aw, ma poor heid. Coffee and sunglasses and a wee can o' Bru. That'll sort me right oot. 

No worries. I have the the cure.

A hangover curer you say? Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

But first...... Watch this video from Gloryhammer. "The Unicorn Invasion of Dundee".
It'll give you a proper chuckle and make you forget you have the hangover for a few minutes. 





Well, the powers that be say that something fried will help your hangover. And you know how us Scots love our fried food (but only in organic, fair trade canola oil, Ya!)

This recipe requires very little effort whatsoever. Is quick to cook, requires mostly leftovers and not much movement. 
So can can make it quick, get it doon ye, go back to the couch, sling your duvet over you, drink some cold Irn Bru and get back to watching Taggart.

bew bew bew ,beddle de bow ,bow bow.

Haggis and bean potato cakes

Och Aye. Ah'll jist hea a wee dance. 

Makes 6

Ingredients:

200g haggis broken up
200g mashed potato
200g mashed turnip (swede)
1 tin baked beans with most of the sauce drained off (keep this to pour over chips. That's what i do).
6 spring onions sliced
1 tablespoon brown sauce
50g breadcrumbs
Pinch salt and pepper
Flour for dusting
Vegetable oil for frying

Heat your oven to 200 degrees or equivalent. 

Mix everything except the flour and oil in a big bowl then shape into 6 big patties.

Pour a few table spoons of oil into a frying pan and heat on medium.
Dust the patties in a little flour and fry for two minutes each side until nice and golden.

Place on a baking sheet and cook in the oven for 10 minutes. 
Serve with extra brown sauce. 
Braw!

Here's another video to help you get out your inner Braveheart.

Skiltron "Bagpipes of War".

Dance Magic Dance,

We are taking a little break from the METAAAAAAAAAL today to bring you a drinking game blog based around one of my all time favorite films, Labyrinth.

I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry. What could ah dooo oooh oooh??????

Labyrinth eh? What a film.
It's got it all. 
Fantasy, Romance, those pesky little Goblins and David Bowie's crotch.
What's not to love. 



I made this game for my buddies (with a little help from Google) as a wee Christmas present from me. 
Basically it's a selfish present though, as I want to play it my self.


I'm going to give you a recipe for a Magical Labyrinth themed punch that you can use as said alcohol for the game.

Magical because, it contains alcohol. 
The wonderful elixir that makes everyone pretty, your conversation witty and your dance moves pure amazing. 
Ha, thought I was going to rhyme that last one didn't you? 

I will say though that sober or drunk.... My dance moves are ALWAYS amazing.  True. 

So first I'll give you the punch recipe then the rules of the game shall follow.
If you wish you can  have shots of your favorite spirit instead of the punch, but the game is pretty full on. 
If ya canny hawd yer liquor, tak a sip instead. 

Jareth's Magical Elixir of Crotchety Goodness 

2 bottles cava or champagne of your choice
300ml Smirnoff Gold
300ml clear apple juice
100ml Elderflower cordial

Ooh, glittery.

THE RULES

You will need a copy of the film of course. 

Dressing as the characters is optional, unless you are a man with a huge package. Then it is mandatory that you wear tights.
You may take one shot or sip of your chosen poison depending on how drunk you require to be.

Let the game begin.

Take one shot/ sip when

*Someone says "It isn't fair".
*Hoggle sighs, grumbles or indulges in self pity.
*The Goblin King looks sad.
*Sarah quotes from the book.
*You see a clock.
*Someone gets Hoggle's name wrong.
*There's a riddle.
*Ludo says "Smeeeeeeeeeell".
*An inanimate object comes to life.
*Didymus tries to have a square go with someone.

Take two shots/ sips when

*There's a musical number

*Ludo summons rocks
*When the Goblin king plays with his balls
EACH PLAYER MUST ALSO SHOUT "BAWS" WHEN THIS HAPPENS. Any player who doesn't shout "baws" must take another shot/ sip.
*A Goblin says something intelligent (At players discretion).

*You see a gratuitous shot of the Goblin king's crotch. 
TAKE AN EXTRA SHOT IF YOU GET TURNED ON BY IT.

The winner is the person who is the most sober. 
Or the one who sees all the labyrinth characters in the room with them.

Game over.