Ich Liebe Scones.

Ich Liebe Scones translates in German as I Love Scones.
This here recipe is for Britta.

Britta is from Germany and has been living it up Caledonian style for a few years but alas, has left this green, wet, windy land and headed off to Austria with the moggies and her lovely big dog Dex. We miss you Britta.
Britta asked me before she left if I could give her a recipe for scones and as usual I took my bloody time getting round to it.

Here you go Britta.

So below you'll find a recipe for lovely jammy blueberry scones. If you can't get blueberries then you can use other berries or dried fruits.

Let me know how the scones work out Britta and hope you are settling in well.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX sending you flying kisses over the ether. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

As usual I have added a little song for you to muse over. This is from Pungent Stench who are from Austria.

The views and opinions used in this video have got nowt at all to do with me.



Blueberry Scones

makes about 12

500g self raising flour
180g caster sugar
110g cold butter diced
300ml buttermilk (If you can't get buttermilk then you can use 200ml of natural yoghurt mixed with 100ml milk)
1 punnet fresh blueberries washed and drained (or 200g dried fruit)
Pinch salt

Heat the oven to 220 degrees or equivalent
Put the flour, butter and salt into a food processor and pulse till it resembles bread crumbs (If you don't have a food processor then rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs)
Put this mix into a large bowl, add the sugar and mix.
Add the buttermilk and mix lightly until incorporated.
Flour your work surface and tip the dough onto it.
Knead very lightly until the dough just comes together. If you over knead it, the gluten will turn elastic and your scones will be pure rubbish.
Roll out with a rolling pin to about 2cm thick and cut out the scone shapes with a floured round cutter.
Place onto a floured baking tray and bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until risen and golden.
The blueberries swell up and burst during the cooking and make the scones all jammy. Mmmmmmm.

I would do anything for Meatloaf. But I won't do that. Nah naaaaaaw.

I had to do it at one point didn't I? Ye canne beat a bit of Meat Loaf.
Slag him as you may but Meatloaf  sure writes a great Rock song.

Now I'm not from America so I never ate meatloaf as a child. But I did have some excellent meatloaf in Seattle once. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

 I grew up on mince n tatties, spicy mince, lasange,well basically anything that could be made with mince. Yes, my mother was a big fan of ground up cow. I guess it was cheap, we were poor and  she was bringing up twins in the desolate ghetto of Possil Park. " .....can you the violins calling your name".

Regardless of that. Now the weather is fair drawing in, it's time for comfort food and what's better than a plate of steaming hot meat loaf with mashed potato and gravy. Yum, yum yum.

Pauline's Mum kindly gave me this recipe. Thank you very much. I ate it for four days running.
I've tweaked a couple of the ingredients as I can't help myself. It's in my cheffy nature but mostly it's the exact same recipe.






Meatloaf by Pauline's Mum

Serves 4 greedy portions

1 or 2lbs mince

1 grated carrot

1 finely chopped onion

1 cup breadcrumbs

1 large egg

dollop ketchup (optional)

garlic

paprika

pepper

(or whatever seasonings preferred)

Put everything in a large bowl and mix it all in using hands. Just keep mixing and kneading until it all comes together then put it on a board and slap it around and shape it into a loaf.

then put it into a roasting tray (not a loaf tin).

Before putting in the oven boil some water and mix with some cooking oil and pour over the top of the loaf. You might need to do this again half way through cooking if it starts to look dry.

put it in oven at 190 for approx 1 hr 15 mins. When cooked leave sitting for about 15/20 mins then you should be able to cut it in slices. 

My bit now......

Mashed potato

4 to 6 large potatoes (Maris Piper are good)
50g butter
Splash milk
Pinch salt and white pepper
Pinch ground nutmeg

Peel and wash your potatoes and cut into large chunks.
Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil then pop in the potatoes.
Cook for about 15 to 20 minutes until potatoes are tender but not overcooked.
Drain and leave to sit for 2 minutes.
Add the rest of the ingredients then mash away to your hearts content.

Mushroom gravy

I cheated and bought a large tub of fresh beef gravy as I was feeling very lazy. So........

1 large tub fresh beef gravy
2 large flat cap or Portabello mushrooms sliced
Small splash vegetable oil
Splash milk

Put  the oil into a pot and put onto a medium heat. Add the mushromms and cook for a few minutes until softened but still with a bit of a bite.
Add the gravy and milk, bring to the boil then serve over the meatloaf and mashed potatoes.



While the meatloaf is cooking peel and wash enough potatoes for 4 people and cut into large chunks.

Just one more thing!

Hallo everyone.
It's been a while I know. I've been a busy little bee, working, working, working away.
I didn't forget you all. I have a few wee treats for ya.

But on with the bloggery.
As many who know me will tell,
I LOVE Columbo.

Not the man of course but the TV show. I am the proud owner of the complete box set. Every episode ever made including specials and even a few episodes of Mrs Columbo, staring Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager. No joke. I watch an episode every day.
Columbo is a part of my every day life and I was deeply, deeply saddened by Peter Falks death this year. So sad that I lay in bed for a week clutching my box set, smoking cigars and crying like a baby. Well, not really, I just had a Columboathon instead.

Now you might ask what Columbo has to do with Heavy Metal cooking. Well, nothing! This is purely a food inspired tribute to the man and character who has brought joy to my life. I love Columbo so much
I'm dressing as him for Halloween. Oh yes.

Believe it or not, food plays a part in quite a lot of Columbo episodes. You'll find Columbo making omelets, eating ice cream, hard boiled eggs that he's pulled out from his pocket, hot dogs and fancy restaurant food. In fact, there is a whole episode revolving around a deadly chef called "Murder under Glass".
Here is a clip of The man in action.




Columbo ALWAYS knows you did it!

Now here is a trivia question.
What is Columbo's favourite food?
Chilli. Columbo loves chilli and he eats it in every other episode.

See?
So as a tribute to the man and legend. I shall honour him with my own Columbo loves chilli recipe.
Now, I'm not sure if this is the type of chilli that Columbo would have eaten but I think he would have liked it. It's got beer and chocolate in it. Yeah you heard right. The beer and chocolate make this chilli rich and super tasty. In fact, I would go so far as the say it's "Cillicious". Hee hee.

I used Innis and Gunn oak aged beer as it tastes of caramel. Yum, yum. Buy it.

So here you go RIP Peter Falk. You may be gone but Columbo will always be with us.

Columbo Loves Chocolate and Beer Chilli

Ingredients

500g lean minced beef
100g chorizo diced
1 onion diced
4 cloves garlic minced
500g passata
1 bottle Innis and Gunn oak aged beer
1 teaspoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
Half teaspoon cayenne pepper (if you like your chiili hot then add another half teaspoon)
Half teaspoon chilli powder
1 beef jelly stock cube
1 teaspoon dark thick soy sauce
50g good quality 70% dark chocolate
Splash vegetable oil
Pinch salt and pepper

Get yourself a big pot, add a splash of vegetable oil and put onto a medium high heat.
Add your onion and garlic and cook for a few minutes until softened. Add the chorizo and cook for a few minutes until the smokey paprika oil starts to come out.   
Add the oregano, cumin, cayenne and chilli powder and cook for one minute.
Add your beef and cook till browned all over and broken up.
Add the tomato paste and cook for one minute.
Add the beef jelly stock cube, soy sauce, passata, chocolate and the bottle of Innis and Gunn.
Stir and bring to a simmer and cook for about 40 minutes to one hour, stirring every now and then until sauce is nice and thick. Add as much salt and pepper as you like then serve with rice or over potato wedges with some sour cream and cheese. Or if you want to do it like Columbo then eat it with some saltine crackers.

Oh and  just one more thing.....................

Sweet Cherry Pie

Hallo everyone.
In honour of the passing yesterday of Warrant's lead singer I dedicate this recipe to him and his family and friends.

Now, I know Warrant are about as far removed from Heavy Metal as Barak Obama is from becoming the next Grand Wizard of the KKK but the song is so dang catchy.

Sing it with me now. You know the words

She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face 
Ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pieeeeeeeee
Yeah, yah, huh, ow, huh, yeah (and other random noises)


Just a thought. But during the song writing process, at what point do they decide "I think a huh and an ow would work really well in this section" ?????????

Here's the recipe

Cherry (and Blueberry) and Chocolate Pie

Add caption

You will need a 9" tart or pie tin and baking beans or dried pulses for blind baking the pastry

Ingredients
400g ready to roll puff pastry
350g pitted fresh cherries (use frozen when not in season)
250g fresh blueberries (again, use frozen if not in season)
100g good quality dark chocolate
2 tablespoons caster sugar
Juice of one orange
Tablespoon kirsch or cherry brandy
2 teaspoons cornflour
1 egg yolk beaten with a splash of water
Flour for dusting

Pre heat your oven to 180 degrees or equivalent

First you want to make the filling for your pie.
Get a big pot and fling in the cherries, blueberries, orange juice, caster sugar and kirsch.
Put onto a medium heat and bring to a simmer. Cook stirring every now and then for about 10 to 15 minutes, until the blueberries have burst a bit and mix is looking a bit jammy. You still want to see whole cherries and blueberries in it so don't over cook. Mix the cornflour to a paste with a splash of water, add to the pot and stir for one minute until sauce thickens.
Take off the heat and leave to cool.

Dust your tin with some flour then dust your work top lightly with flour.
Plop your puff pastry onto your work surface and roll out to fit the size of your tin. Making sure you have pastry left for the top.
Carefully lay the pastry into your tin. Don't worry if it tears a little as you can patch it up with some extra pastry.
Line the inside with tin foil and pour in your baking beans or dried pulses ( I used dried broth mix as that was all I had in my cupboard).
Pop the tin into the oven and bake for 15 minutes.
Take the tin foil out and brush the bottom with some of the beaten egg. Put back into the oven for another 5 to 10 minutes until the pastry is flaky and golden.
Take out of the oven, leave to cool for 5 minutes then push the base of the pastry down so it is flattened and not puffy.
Grate the chocolate over the base then top with the cherry mixture.
On a floured work surface roll the rest of your pastry into strips and lay in a criss cross pattern on top of the pie. Brush with the beaten egg then pop back into the oven for about 20 minutes until filling is hot and pastry on top is nice and golden.
Serve with ice cream.

Space Lord Muther F**ker

Bleep..... bleep.....bleepbleep...........

This is Captain Angela of the starship Appetite of Destruction........ Bleep.......Calling from somewhere in the.... bleep....bleep.... Negasonic Quadrant.

Our Mission.To boldly go where Monster Magnet have gone before. To explore new music and recipes. To forge Metal alliances and friendships on the way and to rock till our socks pop off.
Bleep......bleep......bleep.
Transmission over......bleep........




Chocolate chip rocket ships

Ingredients
5 oz plain flour
1 oz cornflour
4oz soft butter
2 oz caster sugar
Half tsp vanilla extract
Big hand full chocolate chips
Baking or greaseproof paper
Rocket shaped cookie cutter

For decoration
Cornflour
Seedless raspberry jam
Coloured fondant icing
Edible cake glitter

You can get the last two ingredients from cake baking supply shops or order online from Squires
http://www.squires-shop.com/ibf/index.php?p=home&loc=GB

 Preheat your oven to 175 degrees (155 for fan oven) or equivalent

First, using an electric mixer, hand held or bowl, cream the butter and sugar together till light and fluffy.

Sieve in the flour and cornflour and pour in the vanilla, mix on low until just incorporated.

Flour your work surface and pop the shortbread mix onto it. Add the choc chips and knead lightly until pliable enough to roll out.

Re flour your work surface and with a rolling pin, roll out the dough to about a quarter inch thick.

Line a baking tray with baking paper. Cut out your rocket shapes and lay, spaced (har har) out onto the tray.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes until just slightly golden around the edges. Take out of oven and leave to cool.

Spread the biscuits with a thin layer of the jam.

Dust your work surface with a little corn flour then roll out your colours and cut out to match the shapes in the photograph or you can alter them to look how ever you want. When iced, sprinkle with the edible glitter.

Kids will love these. I guess. I just like making stuff that looks cool.

Whoosh!

Oodles of Noodles

Here is a picture of the cake I made for my twinny, twin, twin on her/my  Birthday. And yes, it is all completely edible and I made it all myself with my own tiny hands.

She really, REALLY likes noodles.

Here's a video. The guitarist is called "Noodles". Go figure.

Soleless. No, this is not a spelling mistake.

Hallo there my friends.

I was reliving my youth the other day You Tube stylee and was watching loads of videos of bands that I used to listen to when I was a chubby faced youngster.

I found this little ditty from a band called Grave.





Now. You would probably assume from this video that I was a very angry young child? Far from it. I was quite shy and well mannered. Not like now. No one really sees the real  me. But when I'm alone and Pauline is at work I pop on a Frank Sinatra CD, corpse paint myself up, windmill hair and bad disco dance. Does that sound like something an angry person would do?

You will need to watch the video in order to get this next bit.

In my Dominion
I control who eats
I am the burning flame
On which food, you will heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!!!

Unlike Grave, my food is full of sole........... Hee hee. Get it? Get it?
So here is a recipe for some simple sole food. Mwa ha ha.
 Oh yeah. There is no photo of this so you'll just have to take me on my word that I made it.
Anyway, here is an amusing photo for you

Amazing German fashion. This was in 2005

Pan fried Sole with a brown butter and caper sauce and wilted spinach for 2

Ingredients
4 fillets of super fresh sole or lemon sole
150g salted butter cut into cubes
1 lemon
handfull capers rinsed and drained
Small bag baby spinch washed
Small glug vegetable or olive oil
You shouldn't need salt for this recipe as the butter and capers should be salty enough.

Get yourself a big frying pan and put onto a medium high heat. Add the the oil and a knob of the butter and heat until the butter just starts to bubble

Lay your fillets into the pan skin side down and cook for two minutes or until skin is crispy.

Turn over and cook for another minute or two until just cooked. Sole is a very delicate fish so it doesn't need a lot of cooking. Put the fillets onto two warmed plates and cover with tin foil.

Add the rest of your butter to the pan and melt and heat till it bubbles and is starting to go slightly brown at he edges. Be carefull not to burn. Squeeze in the lemon juice and add the capers. Put in your spinach, mix and cook till the spinach has just wilted.

Take off the heat, take the tin foil off your plates, stick half the spinach onto each plate then pour the butter sauce over the fish. Serve immedietly.

Enjoy.